Please help save me

[Nicholas]

Hello, my name is Nicholas and I'm looking to become a True Christian.

Please help save me - I am tired of the Godless north and am looking to move to Freehold (legally, of course).

Where should I begin getting saved?

[Grace K]

Re: Please help save me

Hello, my name is Nicholas and I'm looking to become a True Christian.

Please help save me - I am tired of the Godless north and am looking to move to Freehold (legally, of course).

Where should I begin getting saved?

How about reading the KJV1611? But you cannot just read ot, you make take it into your heart and believe that it is true. You must listen to those God has appointed over you. As for moving there I assume that you must be a True Christian to move to Freehold. Some day I hope to move there but I must make major changes in my life first..and then I shall see!

[Pastor William Nathaniel Sampson]

Re: Please help save me

Here's my Salvation in the easy steps program.

1. I want you to bow your head and pray the sinners' prayer. Something like this will do as a start.

Dear Lord in Heaven, I know that I have sinned against you and I am not worthy to lick Your sandal strap. My evil thoughts and feelings separate me from You. I beseech You to forgive this worthless sinner. Please don't strike me dead here and now. I humbly beg you to help me avoid sinning again. I believe that your Son, Jesus Christ who is You, died temporarily for my sins. He was raised from the dead, is alive, and hears my prayers. I beg Jesus/You to become my Savior and the Lord of my life, to imprint Your Word into my mind so I don't have to think anymore. Please send your Holy Spirit to make me obey You and to make me feel guilty when I sin. My greatest purpose in life is to follow your example even though that's impossible, as you never sinned and I am lower than a dung beetle. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

2. Set up a generous tithing agreement with a True Christian™ church. The Lord loves a cheerful giver. I can't stress this part enough.

3. You will need to be Baptized by a True Christian™ Pastor. This can all be accomplished for a nominal fee. You could get it done for free from someone you don't know is Saved® or not. In such case, your Salvation™ is not guaranteed.

[Nicholas]

Re: Please help save me

How about reading the KJV1611? But you cannot just read ot, you make take it into your heart and believe that it is true. You must listen to those God has appointed over you. As for moving there I assume that you must be a True Christian to move to Freehold. Some day I hope to move there but I must make major changes in my life first..and then I shall see!

I'm trying my hardest to incorporate it into my daily routine. I just decided to replace my nightly reading of my psychology text books with nightly readings of the KJV1611. By His word I no longer need the evolutionist mumbo jumbo.

[Nicholas]

Re: Please help save me

3. You will need to be Baptized by a True Christian™ Pastor. This can all be accomplished for a nominal fee. You could get it done for free from someone you don't know is Saved® or not. In such case, your Salvation™ is not guaranteed.

I appreciate the tip Billy Bob, but Salvation is not something that I'd like to skimp on