My first time visiting your church!

[God_Totally_Exists]

Hi forum.

I really love everything I've seen here, and I'd be honored to join your congregation.

I'm from the Church of the literal communion in Petlenuc California.

My favorite verse is "Stone disobedient children" (Deuteronomy 21:18-21)
As a rash youth, before I'd found Jesus, I was occasionally stoned by my parents when I'd misbehaved. This verse reminds me how noble my parents were in exercising their faith, and I wish more people were as brave as my parents.

I think I found Jesus the same way everyone does. I was feeling down, not a friend in the world, tons of bruises all over my body, and Jesus spoke to me. He told me, if I accepted Jesus as my savior, then I'd be relieved of the slings and arrows of my mortal life. I didn't hesitate, and I've been a huge fan of Jesus ever since.

Thanks for listening to my story.

[Pastor William Nathaniel Sampson]

Re: My first time visiting your church!

Interesting story, friend.

How could you stone your parents when they were the ones who should be clearly stoning you.

I can shenanigans and have given you a basket of infractions.

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: My first time visiting your church!

Hi forum.

I really love everything I've seen here, and I'd be honored to join your congregation.

I'm from the Church of the literal communion in Petlenuc California.

My favorite verse is "Stone disobedient children" (Deuteronomy 21:18-21)
As a rash youth, before I'd found Jesus, I was occasionally stoned by my parents when I'd misbehaved. This verse reminds me how noble my parents were in exercising their faith, and I wish more people were as brave as my parents.

I think I found Jesus the same way everyone does. I was feeling down, not a friend in the world, tons of bruises all over my body, and Jesus spoke to me. He told me, if I accepted Jesus as my savior, then I'd be relieved of the slings and arrows of my mortal life. I didn't hesitate, and I've been a huge fan of Jesus ever since.

Thanks for listening to my story.

Soooooo...Jesus quoted Shakespeare to you?



Yours in Christ,

Z. Smyth

[God_Totally_Exists]

Re: My first time visiting your church!

Ah, but it was my parents stoning me, as I look forward to stoning my own children someday.

[God_Totally_Exists]

Re: My first time visiting your church!

haha. No, I'm sure if Shakespeare said that, he must've heard that from God too... probably while being stoned by his parents.

Maybe if they'd stoned him more, he wouldn't have damned himself with secret catholic alliances, not that he could've been saved after his lifetime of blaspheme.

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: My first time visiting your church!

Answer my question, boy.



Z. Smyth

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: My first time visiting your church!

haha. No, I'm sure if Shakespeare said that, he must've heard that from God too... probably while being stoned by his parents.

Maybe if they'd stoned him more, he wouldn't have damned himself with secret catholic alliances, not that he could've been saved after his lifetime of blaspheme.

But you said JESUS told you that.



Five posts and you're already getting your lies mixed up?

Z. Smyth

[God_Totally_Exists]

Re: My first time visiting your church!

The whole experience was blurry, as though I'd been dazed by a heavy blunt object.

The voice certainly said something about painful flying objects that I could avoid, but I couldn't tell you the exact words or the exact voice.

One thing was certain, I praised Jesus, and everything came into focus for me.

[God_Totally_Exists]

Re: My first time visiting your church!

I think it was Jesus, and Jesus is Lord, but it's hard to tell when you've got a GIANT ROCK FLYING AT YOUR HEAD!!!!