Praise Jesus

[Brother Walfrid]

Hello,

My name is Brother Walfrid and I have worshiped at the Adelaide Place Baptist Church in Glasgow, Scotland, for almost ten years. However, I have recently become aware that fellow members of the congregation seem to be interpreting the bible much more loosely than I am comfortable with. Indeed, even our pastor has referred to allegorical pasages and metaphorical lessons where I see literal truth and specific instruction It's gotten so bad recently that I've extended my sessions of self-flagellation to over three hours per night in the hope that I may help lift the stain from their souls, though it does nothing for the stains on my shirts

I don't feel that I or anyone else for that matter should presume to highlight specific passages from the bible nor elevate a particular piece of the text above the rest but since I believe my pet Shetland Pony, Henrik, speaks the word of God to me on a regular basis, I do take some comfort from Numbers 22:30

And the ass said unto Balaam, [Am] not I thine ass, upon which thou hast ridden ever since [I was] thine unto this day? was I ever wont to do so unto thee? And he said, Nay.

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: Praise Jesus

Hello,

My name is Brother Walfrid and I have worshiped at the Adelaide Place Baptist Church in Glasgow, Scotland, for almost ten years. However, I have recently become aware that fellow members of the congregation seem to be interpreting the bible much more loosely than I am comfortable with. Indeed, even our pastor has referred to allegorical pasages and metaphorical lessons where I see literal truth and specific instruction It's gotten so bad recently that I've extended my sessions of self-flagellation to over three hours per night in the hope that I may help lift the stain from their souls, though it does nothing for the stains on my shirts

I don't feel that I or anyone else for that matter should presume to highlight specific passages from the bible nor elevate a particular piece of the text above the rest but since I believe my pet Shetland Pony, Henrik, speaks the word of God to me on a regular basis, I do take some comfort from Numbers 22:30

Self-flagellation? This isn't an Opus Dei site, pal.



(1 Corinthians 6:19-20) "What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's."

And three hours? Your time could be better put to use in service to Jesus.

(Ephesians 5:16-17) "Redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is"

Yours in Christ,

Z. Smyth

[Brother Walfrid]

Re: Praise Jesus

Zechariah, you are wise to distrust the satanic cults of the catholic faith but:

(proverbs 20:30)"The blueness of a wound cleanseth away evil: so [do] stripes the inward parts of the belly"

[Reverand Stubber]

Re: Praise Jesus

Hello,

My name is Brother Walfrid and I have worshiped at the Adelaide Place Baptist Church in Glasgow, Scotland, for almost ten years. However, I have recently become aware that fellow members of the congregation seem to be interpreting the bible much more loosely than I am comfortable with. Indeed, even our pastor has referred to allegorical pasages and metaphorical lessons where I see literal truth and specific instruction It's gotten so bad recently that I've extended my sessions of self-flagellation to over three hours per night in the hope that I may help lift the stain from their souls, though it does nothing for the stains on my shirts

I don't feel that I or anyone else for that matter should presume to highlight specific passages from the bible nor elevate a particular piece of the text above the rest but since I believe my pet Shetland Pony, Henrik, speaks the word of God to me on a regular basis, I do take some comfort from Numbers 22:30

Another porridge munching Celt.
This board is not for Fenians!

[Youth Minister Harry]

Re: Praise Jesus

Zechariah, you are wise to distrust the satanic cults of the catholic faith but:

(proverbs 20:30)"The blueness of a wound cleanseth away evil: so [do] stripes the inward parts of the belly"

Welcome to the Godliest Forums on the internment! I can see you've got a real passion for salvation, and a dedication to scripture. Tell us more about yourself. Are you married? Has she bore you any sons? Are your sons red-heads with pale skin and freckles? What sort of trouble have you gone to to escape that country? Have you ever sliced a bar of soap with a pocket knife?

Praise Jesus! I just KNOW He guided you here with a purpose for your life.

Swept Away By The Rushing Blood Of Christ,
Harry Lester

[Brother Walfrid]

Re: Praise Jesus

I have one wife and as yet she hasn't borne me any sons, a fact which leaves me sorely vexed. I know that this is punishment from the Lord as a result of my lack of dedication to the literal truth of his word, yet she reckons I'm talking in riddles. Even after I've taken the birch to her unclean flesh

I've never molested a bar of soap with any implement whatsoever and the only aspect of this great land I might want to escape is the regular cupping of my Pastors testicles every time I take an oath, for;

(Genesis 24:2)"And Abraham said unto his eldest servant of his house, that ruled over all that he had, Put, I pray thee, thy hand under my thigh"