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  • Lost Sheep McUinnean
    Linguistics and Translation Consultant
    True Christian™
    • Nov 2009
    • 2193

    #31
    Re: New Form Letter for Introductory Posts

    Originally posted by Faith_Machine View Post
    You'd think that with all the years I spent as an unsaved piece of trash, I'd be able to at least understand the things they say. Sadly, I can not.
    Don't worry. You're not the only one. Thank god for Christian filters.

    Comment

    • fiestagameplayer
      Confirmed Enemy of God
      • Sep 2011
      • 12

      #32
      Re: New Form Letter for Introductory Posts

      Originally posted by Faith_Machine View Post
      This is not directed at those of you who have come here with a sincere desire to fellowship with Christians and seek answers to Biblical questions. This is for those of you who think it's funny to come here and try to get a rise out of us.

      Just to make your lives easier, here is a form letter you can fill out. Simply fill in the blanks, put a check mark next to the appropriate options, and you'll have your introductory troll post all squared away:


      _Hello,
      _Namaste,
      _Blessed Be,
      _Word Up,
      _Orale Vato,
      _Greetings,

      My name is _one you don't NEED to know_ and I am a

      _false Christian
      _Buddhist
      _Wiccan
      _Satanist
      X "Free Thinker"
      _Unitarian
      _Mormon
      _mormon
      _idolator
      _homosexual
      _drug addict
      _hippie
      _Lutheran
      _European
      _"1337 haxxor"
      _Methodist
      _Feminazi

      (check all that apply)

      _I attend WHATEVER hillside has the freshest air (enter name of non-existent Church)
      _I attend _____________ (enter name of church you found in the Yellow Pages)
      X I do not belong to any church or believe in organized religion.
      XThe Earth and the trees are my church.


      _My favorite Bible verse is IN MY SIG ON THE BOTTOM _ (Copy and paste random verse from NIV Life Application Study Bible)

      _I have ??? children. I dunno

      I am

      _unmarried.
      _married to a man.
      _married to a woman.
      _married to a toaster.
      _married to several men.
      _married to several women.
      _married to several men and women.
      _married to several men, women, and toasters.

      (check all that apply)

      I am here to

      _waste your time.
      X amuse myself.
      _lie to you.
      _use circumlocution to obfuscate the fact that I am a moral relativist.
      _use misinterpretations of scripture to create the false impression of the Bible contradicting itself.
      X horrify you.
      _flaunt my gay "lifestyle."
      _lead you astray.
      _flame you.
      _make you feel sorry for me.
      X get you all worked up.
      _send my unsolicited "dick pics" to Forum Members or True Christians with whom I'd like to have "cyber-sex."

      (check all that apply)


      When my initial post doesn't get the reaction I was hoping for, I will

      X take things up a notch.
      _play dumb.
      _drop my thin veneer of civility.
      _act like a baby.
      _copy and paste meaningless garbage from Wikipedia.
      _copy and paste meaningless garbage from "scientific" publications.
      _get on my high horse.
      _say I feel sorry for all of you.
      _accuse you of being racists.
      _accuse you of being homophobic.
      _accuse you of being xenophobic.
      _decry your blatant misogyny.
      X insist that I understand the Bible better than you.

      (check all that apply)



      Well there you have it, new trolls. I suppose with all the time this form has saved you, you'll be able to spend more time doing the things that really matter to you, like getting high, downloading pornography, and listening to NPR.

      YOU'RE WELCOME!
      Pass the herb which comes from the seed ... and get over it if that is a problem for you .... read the Bible!
      Gen 1:11 - And God said, Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed

      Comment

      • Faith_Machine
        Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
        True Christian™
        • Mar 2011
        • 10050

        #33
        Re: New Form Letter for Introductory Posts

        Welcome, pothead! You do realize you're misinterpreting the Bible, right?
        WARNING:
        In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
        REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

        Comment

        • fiestagameplayer
          Confirmed Enemy of God
          • Sep 2011
          • 12

          #34
          Re: New Form Letter for Introductory Posts

          anyone can accuse ... whats your proof?

          Comment

          • Faith_Machine
            Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
            True Christian™
            • Mar 2011
            • 10050

            #35
            Re: New Form Letter for Introductory Posts

            Originally posted by fiestagameplayer View Post
            anyone can accuse ... whats your proof?
            Friend, the burden of proof is on you. Please use scripture to prove your assertion that God approves of you smoking marijuana.

            The fact that degenerate hippies of your ilk happened to adopt the words "grass" and "herb" as slang terms for your drug of choice does not constitute proof.
            WARNING:
            In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
            REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

            Comment

            • Pastor Ezekiel
              Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
               
              • Sep 2006
              • 78555

              #36
              Re: New Form Letter for Introductory Posts

              Originally posted by fiestagameplayer View Post
              Pass the herb which comes from the seed ... and get over it if that is a problem for you .... read the Bible!
              That verse could just as easily apply to poison oak or hemlock. Do you smoke that too, fool?
              Who Will Jesus Damn?

              Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

              Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

              Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

              Comment

              • fiestagameplayer
                Confirmed Enemy of God
                • Sep 2011
                • 12

                #37
                Re: New Form Letter for Introductory Posts

                Originally posted by Faith_Machine View Post
                Friend, the burden of proof is on you. Please use scripture to prove your assertion that God approves of you smoking marijuana.

                The fact that degenerate hippies of your ilk happened to adopt the words "grass" and "herb" as slang terms for your drug of choice does not constitute proof.
                WHAT?? is pot a brick? or granite? or an herb which comes from the seed?

                Cheap stunt ... shows you HAVE NO PROOF!!

                Comment

                • fiestagameplayer
                  Confirmed Enemy of God
                  • Sep 2011
                  • 12

                  #38
                  Re: New Form Letter for Introductory Posts

                  Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                  That verse could just as easily apply to poison oak or hemlock. Do you smoke that too, fool?
                  where is the proof that tomatoes are alright to consume?

                  ... I say it's better to consume that which comes from the earth than that which comes from man ...

                  Look at all the poisons which man blindly uses like Humara for Rhumitoid Arthritis - KNOWN SIDE EFFECTS: Various forms of cancer!

                  .... and unlike those damned hippie types - I do not consume huge amounts (1 or 2 puffs)
                  I get more intoxicated on a glass of wine

                  Comment

                  • Faith_Machine
                    Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
                    True Christian™
                    • Mar 2011
                    • 10050

                    #39
                    Re: New Form Letter for Introductory Posts

                    Originally posted by fiestagameplayer View Post
                    WHAT?? is pot a brick? or granite? or an herb which comes from the seed?

                    Cheap stunt ... shows you HAVE NO PROOF!!

                    I'll make this easy for your dope-addled mind by bolding and enlarging the relevant part:

                    Titus 2:11-12

                    11For the grace of God that bringeth salvation hath appeared to all men,

                    12Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world;
                    WARNING:
                    In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
                    REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

                    Comment

                    • Faith_Machine
                      Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
                      True Christian™
                      • Mar 2011
                      • 10050

                      #40
                      Re: New Form Letter for Introductory Posts

                      Please also refer to the following page:

                      What Does the Bible Say About Drugs?


                      (3) JUST BECAUSE SOMETHING IS NATURAL, THAT DOES NOT MEAN THAT IT IS GOOD

                      In my Bible study lessons with different youths at the juvenile facility, eventually someone always brings up a certain verse to try to say that getting high by smoking weed is okay because "the Bible says that God made herb and that it is good." I have even had a couple of teens specifically show me a verse in Genesis to try to justify their getting high. The verse is Genesis 1:11-12, which reads, "And God said, Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit after his kind, whose seed is in itself, upon the earth: and it was so. And the earth brought forth grass and herb yielding seed after his kind, and the tree yielding fruit, whose seed was in itself, after his kind: and God saw that it was good."

                      First of all, the "herb" or "grass" that this verse makes reference to is talking about the plants which are food for man and cattle and other beasts. (Refer to Genesis 1:29-30, Exodus 12:8, Deuteronomy 11:15, 1 Kings 18:5, Proverbs 15:17, Romans 14:2).

                      Secondly, just because God made something, that does not mean that He wants you to use that thing in a way that would harm yourself or others. God made many mushrooms that spring forth out of the ground and are poisonous. Do you think God wants you to eat these poisonous mushrooms? Are they good for you since God made them? Of course not.
                      WARNING:
                      In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
                      REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

                      Comment

                      • fiestagameplayer
                        Confirmed Enemy of God
                        • Sep 2011
                        • 12

                        #41
                        Re: New Form Letter for Introductory Posts

                        guess what ... BIG PRINT is nice at 1:23am

                        John 2:10 - And saith unto him, Every man at the beginning doth set forth good wine; and when men have well drunk, then that which is worse: but thou hast kept the good wine until now.
                        1Ti 5:23 - Drink no longer water, but use a little wine for thy stomach's sake and thine often infirmities.

                        Comment

                        • fiestagameplayer
                          Confirmed Enemy of God
                          • Sep 2011
                          • 12

                          #42
                          Re: New Form Letter for Introductory Posts

                          Originally posted by Faith_Machine View Post
                          Please also refer to the following page:

                          What Does the Bible Say About Drugs?
                          where does it say anything about the herbs?

                          ... and tell me you do not use ANY drugs! ... advil, or aspirin? Novocain?

                          are you suggesting you are more righteous and better than Jesus?
                          when EVEN He turned water into wine?

                          Comment

                          • Faith_Machine
                            Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
                            True Christian™
                            • Mar 2011
                            • 10050

                            #43
                            Re: New Form Letter for Introductory Posts

                            Why are you here, friend?

                            We're here to praise Jesus.
                            WARNING:
                            In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
                            REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

                            Comment

                            • fiestagameplayer
                              Confirmed Enemy of God
                              • Sep 2011
                              • 12

                              #44
                              Re: New Form Letter for Introductory Posts

                              Originally posted by Faith_Machine View Post
                              Why are you here, friend?

                              We're here to praise Jesus.
                              What kind of Jesus act supports foul language?

                              the Bible tells us
                              2Th 3:15 - Yet count him not as an enemy, but admonish him as a brother.
                              Too many people fail to fulling hear some of the teachings while professing to be one with the Word ...

                              In order to get things said I select places where I can bring light to the short comings of those who have screwed up the world

                              like the idea of giving healthy people food for free ...

                              It has led the less motivated down the path to sloth and lazy ways where they involve themselves in gossip and false witnessing.
                              2Th 3:10 - For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat.
                              Had people been expected to figuratively speaking dance for their dinner
                              there would have been a lot less crap in the urban area's which has infested the rest of society

                              All of these problems stem from the loss of PROPER parental control over the children with liberal thinkers like Doctor Spock who was ALMOST right ... yet very wrong

                              I am the son of a guy who was born in Gleiwitz Germany (the town that is said to be the starting spot of the war at the radio tower) just before WWII

                              They struggled to come here to the USA ...

                              Which as my understanding of the Bible indicates was a WRONG thing to do.

                              When you consider the parable of the Tower of Babel and add a verse like this to the teaching:
                              Num 36:6 - This is the thing which the LORD doth command concerning the daughters of Zelophehad, saying, Let them marry to whom they think best; only to the family of the tribe of their father shall they marry.
                              As it looks to me - the world has done wrong for way too many years

                              ... now consider that the Bible also say:
                              Num 14:18 - The LORD is longsuffering, and of great mercy, forgiving iniquity and transgression, and by no means clearing the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation.
                              WOW!! by no means clearing the guilty?

                              AND ---> visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation.

                              3 and 4 generations?? way too many people of the world are bound to hell! .... because of what?

                              HOW MANY CHURCHES IN THIS WORLD failed to feed their people the Meat of the Word?

                              Comment

                              • Faith_Machine
                                Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
                                True Christian™
                                • Mar 2011
                                • 10050

                                #45
                                Re: New Form Letter for Introductory Posts

                                Originally posted by fiestagameplayer View Post
                                What kind of Jesus act supports foul language?
                                Friend, I am trying hard to figure out what you mean by this, or how the rest of your post relates to it, but I am completely at a loss.
                                WARNING:
                                In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
                                REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

                                Comment

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