I must confess

[Kristin Marlow]

I've sent a message to one of the senior pastors. I've prayed about it, and I feel in my heart that it's best to confess publicly.
For years I've been here under false pretenses, using countless usernames, emails, fake pictures taken from Google images, etc... I've been women, men, hermaphrodites, lesbians, gays, “christians”, muslims, catholics, nuns, mormons, jews, buddhists, atheists, satanists, wiccans, married, mothers, fathers, whites, blacks, asians, hispanics, vampires, dominatrices, fat, skinny, punk rockers, hippies, etc.... This has been going on for years. It's a bad habit that I learned from my (now late) sister, who used to log onto christian chatrooms posing as an atheist and atheist chatrooms posing as a fundementalist christian.
Recently, I've been getting horrifying nightmares where I'm either impaled over and over again while trapped in a tiny, constricting furnace, or I'm being pulled limb from limb by rabid dogs. I can only conclude that these nightmares are from God Himself.
So, I'm here to come clean and beg for forgiveness from the members here. I don't have any money to tithe to your church, since I'm unemployed and living with my mother, but I'm currently trying to find a job to properly tithe to LBC.
Please, please forgive me!

YIC,
Kristin

[Cursed]

Re: I must confess

I've sent a message to one of the senior pastors. I've prayed about it, and I feel in my heart that it's best to confess publicly.
For years I've been here under false pretenses, using countless usernames, emails, fake pictures taken from Google images, etc... I've been women, men, hermaphrodites, lesbians, gays, “christians”, muslims, catholics, nuns, mormons, jews, buddhists, atheists, satanists, wiccans, married, mothers, fathers, whites, blacks, asians, hispanics, vampires, dominatrices, fat, skinny, punk rockers, hippies, etc.... This has been going on for years. It's a bad habit that I learned from my (now late) sister, who used to log onto christian chatrooms posing as an atheist and atheist chatrooms posing as a fundementalist christian.
Recently, I've been getting horrifying nightmares where I'm either impaled over and over again while trapped in a tiny, constricting furnace, or I'm being pulled limb from limb by rabid dogs. I can only conclude that these nightmares are from God Himself.
So, I'm here to come clean and beg for forgiveness from the members here. I don't have any money to tithe to your church, since I'm unemployed and living with my mother, but I'm currently trying to find a job to properly tithe to LBC.
Please, please forgive me!

YIC,
Kristin

You are doomed to follow your sister into Hell unless you get right with GOD!

Don't worry about us, miss. It's the Almighty you must fear! These messages could be your final warning!

Please read your 1611 King James Bible and SUBMIT before it's too late!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: I must confess

If your heart is sincere in repentance, then Jesus will wash your filthy sins away with His blood.

Why don't you tell us about yourself? What church were you raised in? How old are you? What drove you to mock Jesus like that? Demons up your rectum maybe?

Don't hold back the details, friend.

If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: I must confess

Upon reading your post I was immediately reminded of this Bible verse:

(Ecclesiastes 5:3) "For a dream cometh through the multitude of business; and a fool's voice is known by multitude of words."

You mocked the very thing that both describes you and fixes you. What are you going to do with this new-found opportunity?

Yours in Christ,

Z. Smyth

[Kristin Marlow]

Re: I must confess

If your heart is sincere in repentance, then Jesus will wash your filthy sins away with His blood.

Why don't you tell us about yourself? What church were you raised in? How old are you? What drove you to mock Jesus like that? Demons up your rectum maybe?

Don't hold back the details, friend.

If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.

Thank you, Pastor Ezekiel.
Well, to start, I'm 21-years-old. I was raised in a Methodist church until I was 8 when my parents divorced. My mother got primary custody of me and my sister, with weekend visits with my father. He died when I was 11.
Afterwards, I became depressed and by the time I was 13 I was wearing nothing but black clothing and makeup and would listen to punk rock, heavy metal, and 'emo' music. The few friends I had were the same. By the time I was in high school, my "friends" and I were obsessed with vampires, anime, and witchcraft. It was then I discovered your website. At the time I thought it was complete balderdash, and, with nothing else to do and hatred in my heart, I started with the first of the many false identities I would create.
I graduated (luckily) and lost all contact with my "friends". I spent the next few years bouncing from job to job.
As I've said before, I'm unemployed right now, but as soon as I find a job, even if it's flipping burgers, I will start tithing immediately.

Thank you all.
YIC,
Kristin

[landoverlover]

Re: I must confess

I would like to know what your motivation was for all of your shenanigans. Did you have such hatred for God and His followers that mocking us gave you a chuckle? (You wouldn't be the first, but the sheer volume of your claimed impersonations suggest some real pathology). Was this a twisted search for God that you were unable to cope with in a constructive way? Were you showing off for your friends?

As someone else noted, you did us no harm at all. Our lives and relationships with God were not shaken even in the smallest degree. You were fooling only yourself.

I hope you take this as a wake-up call to drop all the nonsense, to 'put away childish things' and get right with your Maker.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: I must confess

Well the first thing you need to do is to find a good Independent Baptist Church to attend. Maybe there you can find a good Christian Man to marry you and tell you what to think and do, as the Holy Bible commands.

Colossians 3:18
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.

1 Timothy 2:11-15
Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing.

[Sister Kitty]

Re: I must confess

Have you gotten rid of the black makeup and the crap music and gotten yourself a KJV?

[Kristin Marlow]

Re: I must confess

I would like to know what your motivation was for all of your shenanigans. Did you have such hatred for God and His followers that mocking us gave you a chuckle? (You wouldn't be the first, but the sheer volume of your claimed impersonations suggest some real pathology). Was this a twisted search for God that you were unable to cope with in a constructive way?

Yes to all of these. I also think that the little part of me who dreamed of becoming an actress from a young age was simply frustrated by the fact that it's nearly impossible to become one without a sex tape.

Were you showing off for your friends?

No. None of my "friends" were interested and any church websites.

As someone else noted, you did us no harm at all. Our lives and relationships with God were not shaken even in the smallest degree. You were fooling only yourself.

I hope you take this as a wake-up call to drop all the nonsense, to 'put away childish things' and get right with your Maker.

I am listening to this wake-up call, and I'm ready to get right with God.

[Kristin Marlow]

Re: I must confess

Well the first thing you need to do is to find a good Independent Baptist Church to attend. Maybe there you can find a good Christian Man to marry you and tell you what to think and do, as the Holy Bible commands.

I will try to find one, but all I've been able to find so far are catholic, pentecostal, and the like.

Have you gotten rid of the black makeup and the crap music and gotten yourself a KJV?

Yes I have.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: I must confess

Recently, I've been getting horrifying nightmares where I'm either impaled over and over again...

Was your whole "confession" just an elaborate ploy so you could get your jollies posting these explicit sex dreams right under our noses?

Did you think nobody here would get wise to what you were doing?

[Kristin Marlow]

Re: I must confess

Was your whole "confession" just an elaborate ploy so you could get your jollies posting these explicit sex dreams right under our noses?

Did you think nobody here would get wise to what you were doing?

These were not sex dreams, these were horrifying nightmares! Warnings from God!