Hello. I'm terrified of Hell.

[Repenter]

I've sinned so much in my life... like frequent masturbation...and blaspheming God... (not the holy ghost though, luckily) and I am here so I may be one of the few feeble disgusting germs that God, our lord, lets into heaven with him. did I make it on time?

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Hello. I'm terrified of Hell.

Prolly not.

But what you need is an answer from a Pastor

Lve, Sister Thumper

[JennyD]

Re: Hello. I'm terrified of Hell.

I've sinned so much in my life... like frequent masturbation...and blaspheming God... (not the holy ghost though, luckily) and I am here so I may be one of the few feeble disgusting germs that God, our lord, lets into heaven with him. did I make it on time?

It certainly sounds like it, friend!

First, wash that goo off your hands. Thank you.

And throw away that Kleenex. Ew.

Now, you must first pray to Jesus and apologize for your years of sin. You must profess your love for Him and desire for forgiveness. Finally, you must give up ALL your horrific sins and become pure; repentance isn't just saying you're sorry, but also giving up all sins forever!

No more lying, cheating, stealing, swearing, masturbating, thinking about masturbating, sinful thoughts, gazing upon your <ahem> with intent to masturbate, looking lustfully at jars of Vaseline, wearing blended fabrics, pillow-humping, zucchini-fondling, cucumber-stroking, showering with other young men or women, showering with other old men or women, thinking about showering with others, etc.

You get the idea.

You must also read God's Word, the Holy King James Bible!

[Repenter]

Re: Hello. I'm terrified of Hell.

It certainly sounds like it, friend!

First, wash that goo off your hands. Thank you.

And throw away that Kleenex. Ew.

Now, you must first pray to Jesus and apologize for your years of sin. You must profess your love for Him and desire for forgiveness. Finally, you must give up ALL your horrific sins and become pure; repentance isn't just saying you're sorry, but also giving up all sins forever!

No more lying, cheating, stealing, swearing, masturbating, thinking about masturbating, sinful thoughts, gazing upon your <ahem> with intent to masturbate, looking lustfully at jars of Vaseline, wearing blended fabrics, pillow-humping, zucchini-fondling, cucumber-stroking, showering with other young men or women, showering with other old men or women, thinking about showering with others, etc.

You get the idea.

You must also read God's Word, the Holy King James Bible!

I shall resist any demon-sent urges, and do what I must.
I assume you also meant to include surfing in your list of rancid sexual paraphernalia? I've never done that anyway...

[JennyD]

Re: Hello. I'm terrified of Hell.

I shall resist any demon-sent urges, and do what I must.
I assume you also meant to include surfing in your list of rancid sexual paraphernalia? I've never done that anyway...

Surfing? Oh, dear.

Oh dear, oh dear.

You may be beyond help . . . We must find a pastor.

PASTORS!! This one knows of the great evil!

[Repenter]

Re: Hello. I'm terrified of Hell.

Surfing? Oh, dear.

Oh dear, oh dear.

You may be beyond help . . . We must find a pastor.

PASTORS!! This one knows of the great evil!

is it bad that I read the topic in the other forum on this great site?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Hello. I'm terrified of Hell.

I've sinned so much in my life... like frequent masturbation...and blaspheming God... (not the holy ghost though, luckily) and I am here so I may be one of the few feeble disgusting germs that God, our lord, lets into heaven with him. did I make it on time?

How old are you boy?

And are you one of those queers? 'Cause you sound like one from here.

[sinner]

Re: Hello. I'm terrified of Hell.

I've sinned so much in my life... like frequent masturbation...and blaspheming God... (not the holy ghost though, luckily) and I am here so I may be one of the few feeble disgusting germs that God, our lord, lets into heaven with him. did I make it on time?

You have, indeed!!! Bless you!

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