Gather round brothers and sisters

[Elmore the Worthy]

Hello to all my brothers and sisters in Christ,

My name is Elmore Vernon. I'd first like to thank our Lord Almighty for offering me the foresight to steal my lecherous neighbors computer. I know thievery to be a sin, but I thought it best to deprive him of his sinful porn machine so I could put it to the use of worshipping our good Lord.

My interests include woodworking, duck calling, harassing anyone with brown skin as they are either a terrorist, or know a terrorist that they are too yellow to turn in, and of course daily worship. I look forward to basking in the light of the good word with my fellow christians of the Landover Baptist Church. PRAISE!

[Brother Enoch]

Re: Gather round brothers and sisters

Driend, stealing the computer breaks one of the ten commandments, as you well know. It also violates secular law, which Christians are not permitted to do:

1st Peter 2:13 Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord's sake: whether it be to the king, as supreme;
1st Peter 2:14 Or unto governors, as unto them that are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers, and for the praise of them that do well.
1st Peter 2:15 For so is the will of God, that with well doing ye may put to silence the ignorance of foolish men:

So your theft is doubly wrong. You must give it back.

As for harassing darkies, why would you do that? Unless by 'harassing' you mean witnessing?

Now, a bit about you please, How old are you, what is your favorite verse from the KJV? How long have you accepted Christ as your personal Lord and Savior? How many sons has your wife borne you and what is the best pie she makes? And how many guns do you own?

[JustGotSaved]

Re: Gather round brothers and sisters

i too used to steal computers, jewlry, and such. i broke into homes and took what i wanted. ONce i even watched a girl sleeping.

But one day, on my latest computer snitch, i found a book mark for Landover Baptist Chruch and wascompelled to read it a while. It changed my life.

If you're anywhere near Topeka, look me up in the TOpeka Mens' Mission and i'll get you a new start.

[Elmore the Worthy]

Re: Gather round brothers and sisters

Driend, stealing the computer breaks one of the ten commandments, as you well know. It also violates secular law, which Christians are not permitted to do:

1st Peter 2:13 Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord's sake: whether it be to the king, as supreme;
1st Peter 2:14 Or unto governors, as unto them that are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers, and for the praise of them that do well.
1st Peter 2:15 For so is the will of God, that with well doing ye may put to silence the ignorance of foolish men:

So your theft is doubly wrong. You must give it back.

As for harassing darkies, why would you do that? Unless by 'harassing' you mean witnessing?

Now, a bit about you please, How old are you, what is your favorite verse from the KJV? How long have you accepted Christ as your personal Lord and Savior? How many sons has your wife borne you and what is the best pie she makes? And how many guns do you own?

Brother Enoch, I am much obliged by your guidance and shall repent accordingly. But I can't in good concience return this device back to my neighbor so long as I know he will use it for sin.

I am a 35 year old man. My favorite verse in the True Word of the Lord is John 5:24- "I tell you the truth, whoever believes him who sent me has eternal life and shall not be condemned; he has crossed over from life to death." Christ has been my personal Lord and Savior for all time, but I accepted him at age eight at the Whitesville Baptist Church in Huntsville, Alabama. I am as yet an unmarried man, but will one day find a woman to share in my love of the Lord. I currently am the proud owner of a Savage Model 99, a Remington 760 slide action, a 935 magnum 3.5, and an m44 .44 mag for personal protection.

[Sister Kitty]

Re: Gather round brothers and sisters

Brother Enoch, I am much obliged by your guidance and shall repent accordingly. But I can't in good concience return this device back to my neighbor so long as I know he will use it for sin.

I am a 35 year old man. My favorite verse in the True Word of the Lord is John 5:24- "I tell you the truth, whoever believes him who sent me has eternal life and shall not be condemned; he has crossed over from life to death." Christ has been my personal Lord and Savior for all time, but I accepted him at age eight at the Whitesville Baptist Church in Huntsville, Alabama. I am as yet an unmarried man, but will one day find a woman to share in my love of the Lord. I currently am the proud owner of a Savage Model 99, a Remington 760 slide action, a 935 magnum 3.5, and an m44 .44 mag for personal protection.

35 with no wife and no sons? Has God stricken you with impotence or faggotry? Or are you horribly disfigured in some way that makes you unattractive to even the most disgusting women? What is it about you that repulses others?

[Elmore the Worthy]

Re: Gather round brothers and sisters

35 with no wife and no sons? Has God stricken you with impotence or faggotry? Or are you horribly disfigured in some way that makes you unattractive to even the most disgusting women? What is it about you that repulses others?

Sister, I assure you I am afflicted with none of the above. Some of the greatest and most God loving men of this earth trod through it unwed. Men like Paul, Jeremiah, and of course Jesus Christ himself. Let the word of the Lord soothe your mind about the issue.

Corinthians 7:32-35 "The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord. "

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Gather round brothers and sisters

Elmore, you give me pause.


If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.

[Elmore the Worthy]

Re: Gather round brothers and sisters

Elmore, you give me pause.


If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.

I assure you Pastor Ezekial, I will conduct myself in a manner in line with the Good Word, especially in a place so close to the Lords' heart such as this.

[Brother Enoch]

Re: Gather round brothers and sisters

Corinthians 7:32-35 "The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord. "

You're not a damned Catholic cherry-picker, are you? Have you read the rest of 1 Corinthians 7?

[Elmore the Worthy]

Re: Gather round brothers and sisters

You're not a damned Catholic cherry-picker, are you? Have you read the rest of 1 Corinthians 7?

Absolutely, I have. And my comments were not meant to debase marriage as it is a fine institution. And no sir I am not a papist.

[Brother Enoch]

Re: Gather round brothers and sisters

Absolutely, I have. And my comments were not meant to debase marriage as it is a fine institution. And no sir I am not a papist.

Glad to hear it. For a moment I was thinking you were trying to defend the Catholic practice of Priestly celibacy that leads to child buggery.

[Elmore the Worthy]

Re: Gather round brothers and sisters

Glad to hear it. For a moment I was thinking you were trying to defend the Catholic practice of Priestly celibacy that leads to child buggery.

I don't for the live of me understand how these papists can claim to be our brothers and sisters in Christ while still worshipping folks other than God Almighty. Apparently they have been spared the rod, in the Biblical sense anyway.

[Brother Enoch]

Re: Gather round brothers and sisters

I don't for the live of me understand how these papists can claim to be our brothers and sisters in Christ while still worshipping folks other than God Almighty. Apparently they have been spared the rod, .

If only their altar boys were.

[Elmore the Worthy]

Re: Gather round brothers and sisters

If only their altar boys were.

Surely it is their punishment for being born into false worship.

[Brother Enoch]

Re: Gather round brothers and sisters

Surely it is their punishment for being born into false worship.

So your defending Catholic Priestly buggery by saying they're doing the Lord's work?

Friend, please tell me I'm misunderstanding your words.