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  • #1

    Greetings, Fellow Landovarians...

    Having recently visited Freehold and having had the pleasure of going out to lunch with my dear friend Pastor Deacon Fred Smith, I decided to return to the old forums.

    I have a lot of memories here, but I've been quite busy laboring in the vineyards of North Texas. When I left Freehold last, I sold my 1.3 million dollar home and moved to North Texas as pulpit minister for the 2,600 member Serrano Street Baptist Church, located down from 4th and Main near historic Ft. Worth. It has been a blessed work, brethren.

    If you are ever in the area, please visit my new 2.6 million dollar home in Habbakuk Heights. There is a $1,500.00 credit check and admission fee, but that is hardly a deterrent to the saved of the Lord coming together.

    I look forward to many more good times, brethren.

    "The LORD is King for ever and ever: the heathen are perished out of his land." (Psalm 10:16)

    -Pastor Ed Lowman

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  • #2
    Re: Greetings, Fellow Landovarians...

    Um, if you're a former resident of Freehold, why have I never heard of you? While I do not live in Freehold I, and my family, have strong ties to Freehold.

    I mean, maybe if you were a servant or something I wouldn't have heard of you, but a pastor?

    I'm finding this somewhat difficult to take at face value. I'll have to wait for my True Christian™ brethren who actually live in Freehold to welcome you (back?) before I offer my own welcome to this forum. I do hope you understand.

    Comment

    • #3
      Re: Greetings, Fellow Landovarians...

      Originally posted by Brother Enoch View Post
      Um, if you're a former resident of Freehold, why have I never heard of you? While I do not live in Freehold I, and my family, have strong ties to Freehold.

      I mean, maybe if you were a servant or something I wouldn't have heard of you, but a pastor?

      I'm finding this somewhat difficult to take at face value. I'll have to wait for my True Christian™ brethren who actually live in Freehold to welcome you (back?) before I offer my own welcome to this forum. I do hope you understand.
      Understood, brother. Satan himself is transformed into an angel of light (2 Corinthians 11:14), and so we cannot be too cautious or vigilant "because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour." (I Peter 5:8)

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: Greetings, Fellow Landovarians...

        Rev. Ed? Is that you? Praise Jesus I haven't seen you in a coon's age! Last I heard you were stranded in Saipan with a bevy of unsaved virgin girls near a rum factory. It's great to see you again, Brother!
        Who Will Jesus Damn?

        Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

        Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

        Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

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        • #5
          Re: Greetings, Fellow Landovarians...

          Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
          Rev. Ed? Is that you? Praise Jesus I haven't seen you in a coon's age! Last I heard you were stranded in Saipan with a bevy of unsaved virgin girls near a rum factory. It's great to see you again, Brother!
          And that's all I need, Rev Ed! My apologies for doubting you, we do get a lot of shady types around here pretending to be who they are not. I look forward to getting to know you!

          Comment

          • #6
            Re: Greetings, Fellow Landovarians...

            Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
            Rev. Ed? Is that you? Praise Jesus I haven't seen you in a coon's age! Last I heard you were stranded in Saipan with a bevy of unsaved virgin girls near a rum factory. It's great to see you again, Brother!
            Yes, it is I. Stranded I was, and yes, the girls were very unsaved until I was able to redeem them. The rum factory, it was converted to a Bible printing company shortly after the missionary crew was held up in it for about three nights. All is well. The Lord has been gracious unto me.

            Apology not needed, Brother Enoch. Carry on.

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: Greetings, Fellow Landovarians...

              Welcome, Pastor Ed! I hear there aren't many Democrats in Texas. Tell me, what's it like to not be surrounded by crazy people?
              WARNING:
              In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
              REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

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              • #8
                Re: Greetings, Fellow Landovarians...

                Ed! I am glad you decided to contact the civilized world once more. My idiot sons finally succeeded in getting me online. Want to visit and go hunting next Saturday? Thinking about that atheists we accidentally shot years ago still brings a smile to my face.
                5 Reasons why GOD HATES WOMEN!
                To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
                James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."

                Comment

                • #9
                  Re: Greetings, Fellow Landovarians...

                  Originally posted by Cranky Old Man View Post
                  Thinking about that atheists we accidentally shot years ago
                  How is a cluster of high powered shells impacting the chest and head and accident?

                  One shot maybe, but 20 in to each person!

                  As I recall it was only by DNA they were able to identify the victims, but of course the local coroner and Ofc. Don W. Richards reports were worded in such a way that the case was not taken any-further.

                  Was it not the same coroner that looked into the case of the atheist that some how managed to trip and fall off Pistle Point THREE times?
                  Posted via Pasta

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                  • #10
                    Re: Greetings, Fellow Landovarians...

                    Originally posted by Pastor Ed Lowman View Post
                    rum
                    ...it doesn't take long, does it.

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Re: Greetings, Fellow Landovarians...

                      well, welcome back, good pastor! and congratulations on your successful vineyards. y'all got any of that fruity wine what comes in a box? I like mixing in some orange tang to give it some extra sweetness?

                      Your in Christ,
                      Lori Humongous
                      Genesis 1:24
                      And God said, "Let the land produce living creatures according to their kinds: livestock, creatures that move along the ground, and wild animals, each according to its kind: and it was so."

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                      • #12
                        Re: Greetings, Fellow Landovarians...

                        Pastor Ed, it is so good seeing you back here.
                        Matthew:
                        5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
                        5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
                        10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
                        10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


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                        • #13
                          Re: Greetings, Fellow Landovarians...

                          Originally posted by Faith_Machine View Post
                          Welcome, Pastor Ed! I hear there aren't many Democrats in Texas. Tell me, what's it like to not be surrounded by crazy people?
                          Why, it's really good, Faith Machine, to be around such class acts. How nice of you to ask.

                          It's really nice to be around good men and women (many of them True Christians™) and getting to attend Republican brunches with black coffee and powdered donuts, and for lunches, Godly church potlucks with fried chicken and mashed potatoes and gravy. It's not called "Gospel Bird" for nothing, that chicken. Praise Jesus!

                          And these Godly ranchers with their cowboy hats will pick up a pipe and bash a queer's head in before noontime! How can the faithful NOT feel at home in such an environment?

                          Comment

                          • #14
                            Re: Greetings, Fellow Landovarians...

                            Originally posted by Pastor Ed Lowman View Post
                            Why, it's really good, Faith Machine, to be around such class acts. How nice of you to ask.

                            It's really nice to be around good men and women (many of them True Christians™) and getting to attend Republican brunches with black coffee and powdered donuts, and for lunches, Godly church potlucks with fried chicken and mashed potatoes and gravy. It's not called "Gospel Bird" for nothing, that chicken. Praise Jesus!

                            And these Godly ranchers with their cowboy hats will pick up a pipe and bash a queer's head in before noontime! How can the faithful NOT feel at home in such an environment?
                            Now you're just making me jealous, Pastor Ed! 'Round these parts, I constantly feel like I'm in danger of being arrested for merely using my bullhorn to verbally rebuke homosexuals in the street!
                            WARNING:
                            In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
                            REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

                            Comment

                            • #15
                              Re: Greetings, Fellow Landovarians...

                              Originally posted by Faith_Machine View Post
                              Now you're just making me jealous, Pastor Ed! 'Round these parts, I constantly feel like I'm in danger of being arrested for merely using my bullhorn to verbally rebuke homosexuals in the street!
                              How I envy you. Bullhorns in public are forbidden in my town.
                              YiJC, BS

                              II Peter 1:4 -- Whereby are giuen vnto vs exceeding great and precious promises, that by these you might bee partakers of thy diuine nature, hauing escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.

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