Greetings to all

[BallEater]

I have dedicated my life, as well as the life of my cat, to steadfastediduously giving praises to the one true god, Ba'al.

As much as I hate your fanfiction religion, I have to give you credit for at least making words sound more important than they are, and giving the proper smackdown to any who would attempt to usurp your obvious biblical superiority.

I am here hoping to glean from you all the arts of caps lock, embellishment of statements, and discernment of which words to add a "th" to for maximized effect, in addition to studying the failed arguments of any christains who would attempt to disagree with you.

I must say, the general populace here's command of the KJV is enough to douche even the filthiest of souls who happen upon this beacon of truth amidst the internets' dumping ground of idle mythology.

Praise Ba'al to you all!

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: Greetings to all

***whee! whee! I'm an attention whore! whee! whee! ***

I've read through that introduction 3 times and I'm still wondering what church you go to, what your favorite Bible verse is, and how you figured out that Jesus is the AWESOMEST!!!



Yours in Christ,

Z. Smyth

[s. warnin]

Re: Greetings to all

Steadfastediduously...

fanfiction

the general populace here's


Please don't use assynonyms.
Please don't use make-believe words.
Please use grammar checker.

You made it to third grade, good for you.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Greetings to all

Worshiping balls? Are you a sports fan, friend?

[Yeshua bar Yusuf]

Re: Greetings to all

Worshiping balls? Are you a sports fan, friend?

Pastor Ezekiel, I'd be very surprised to find that the balls he worships have anything to do with sports.

[HTannor]

Re: Greetings to all

What a disappointment.

When I read the thread title:

Greetings to all

I had high hopes this would be a person of good intentions. A person who we could welcome because of a positive attitude, if for no other reason.

As I ventured further I discoved someone who worships balls and mocks us. I'm sorry, I just can't be welcoming to a polesmoker.

[One True Religion]

Re: Greetings to all

'I must say, the general populace here's command of the KJV is...', what are you trying to say? Please use the basic rules of grammar if you wish us to understand and help you.

Amos 4:2 The Lord God hath sworn by his holiness, that, lo, the days shall come upon you, that he will take you away with hooks, and your posterity with fish-hooks.

[s. warnin]

Re: Greetings to all

BallEater? You couldn't think of anything better than BallEater? Or did your parents curse you with that name for real?

[Rev. Dr. Davidson]

Re: Greetings to all

Worshiping balls? Are you a sports fan, friend?

Pastor Ezekiel,

I believe this may be one of the Alec Baldwin worshipers known as the Cult of the Schweddy Balls. Ben and Jerry's as recently enabled this cult to grow with the introduction of it's new flavor, schweddy balls. This is a homersexual gateway flavor of ice cream. It promotes the worship and licking of balls - rum balls, chocolate balls, Etc. By the time this cult is done young men seduced by Lucifer are not only licking male genitals, they are venturing into sodomy.

[s. warnin]

Re: Greetings to all

I am here hoping to glean from you

You ain't gleaning nothin' from me. Take your homophilia somewhere else.

[BallEater]

Re: Greetings to all

Thank you all for the unexpectedly warming welcome!

I have gleaned so much, even in this short weekend.

I don't really like many sports - Calvinball is about the only game there is that I can keep up with the rules with, as well as properly exert my physical prowess.

My parents cursed me with many names, but BallEater is one of the few they'd left out.

I usually don't have any ice cream in the house, since the half-gallon of Tillamook peanut butter chocolate rarely survives the trip from the grocery store to my freezer. Scweddy Balls is a delightful recipe, though I can hardly stomach most doses of Baldwin.

I'm sorry, but I just can't bring myself to pick a favorite church to go to, given the extensive list of options. To single one out of the legion would only serve to lower the credibility of the others.

The same goes for picking a favorite bible verse - how could one arbitrary selection be any more true than any of the others?

As far as jesus being the AWESOMEST, well, there are scapegoats, and then there is THE scapegoat. This intense truth was delivered unto me when I was in the 5th grade, and since, I've seen how conveniently and universally people are able and willing to use this great excuse to rationalize any thought or action.

In the future, I will attempt to stick to 3rd grade grammar and forgo my extensive 6th and 7th grade grammar trainings.

I must warn you all, however - your site is being attacked by a god-hating hacker. My wife couldn't believe it either, but it's true. Details of my life have been changed, places that I reside in have been altered, but the scariest part is - THIS GOD-HATER IS A MIND READER!!! I defecate on you not, my second choice for an avatar was a KFC pail, the very avatar they changed it to!!!1

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Greetings to all

I'm sorry, but I just can't bring myself to pick a favorite church to go to, given the extensive list of options. To single one out of the legion would only serve to lower the credibility of the others.

No worthwhile Baptist churches at all in Godless Oregon, eh?

[Yeshua bar Yusuf]

Re: Greetings to all

Calvinball is about the only game there is that I can keep up with the rules with

I can't abide dirty Calvinists.

All that predestination and total depravity nonsense. No wonder you love to engage in ball worshiping.

[BallEater]

Re: Greetings to all

No worthwhile Baptist churches at all in Godless Oregon, eh?

Well, Pastor Ezekiel, there are plenty to choose from, I even contributed to several of the Assemblies of God congregations in my youth. It's only my utterly unraisable level of respect for them that I am hesitant to single one out as being any better than the others.

You would be happy to know, though, that Oregon is not as Godless as one would expect, despite the rap we get here. My mailbox is always filled with Oregon Right To Life literature, I can always rest assured that whoever is tailgating me will soon turn off into a church driveway even on the less holy weekdays, and my airwaves are filled with sermons and 'buy-our-pizzas-and-we'll-donate-to-survivors-of-9/11' commercials. Recently, they even shut down an unGodly rock & roll station in favor of airing the Lord's favorite - right wing commentary and selected out of context soundbites from the liberals.

I can hardly praise Ba'al enough to keep up.

[BallEater]

Re: Greetings to all

I can't abide dirty Calvinists.

All that predestination and total depravity nonsense. No wonder you love to engage in ball worshiping.

I assure you, I am no filthy Calvinist. God definitely did not make me that way.

I'm sure I'm preaching to the choir, but for those who haven't heard of it, Calvinball is a noble game where one follows the very example of God and must amend the rules whenever a situation isn't to their liking.