Hello, fellow Christians!

[8luh 8luh]

I am excited to be participating in this forum. Why? I'll tell you.

There are too many people in the world who say that they are True Christians. Honestly. Have people no integrity? There are HOMERSEXURALS everywhere! And some "Christian" churches...they actually accept these gay faggots! I wish to be part of this great movement against this abomination.

I am frankly disgusted by all of the bleeding-heart-liberals who disgrace God's favorite country. They call the GOOD CHRISTIANS (which, as I can plainly see, are mostly if not all Landover--though I will say that a church called Westboro has the right idea) racist and sexist! How horrid! Marriage is solely between a MAN and a WOMAN! The human race exists to teach His word, and His word alone.

I join these forums in the hope that I can join you in the battle against all of these things. ;-)

Praise!

[Pastor Ed Lowman]

Re: Hello, fellow Christians!

Welcome. Tell us more about yourself.

What should we call you? What church do you come from? What is your favorite verse of scripture? And what led you to Landover?

Pastor Ed

[8luh 8luh]

Re: Hello, fellow Christians!

Welcome. Tell us more about yourself.

What should we call you? What church do you come from? What is your favorite verse of scripture? And what led you to Landover?

Pastor Ed

Thank you, pastor!

Anybody may call me whatever they like. I would, however, prefer anyone who is on the same level of saved-ness of me to call me "8luh". Currently, how saved I am seems yet to be proven. And, of course, I have much to learn.

Proverbs 23: 13-14.

"Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you beat him with a rod, he will not die. If you beat him with the rod you will save his soul from Hell."

I came to Landover in a desperate search for a Church that is truly saved; AKA, with full understanding of discipline, tolerance and intolerance (when needed.) I have finally found it. Praise the Lord!

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Hello, fellow Christians!

Anybody may call me whatever they like. I would, however, prefer anyone who is on the same level of saved-ness of me to call me "8luh".

Since I am such a humble Christian soul, teeming with modesty and Christian virtue, I will call you 8luh.

Tell us about your walk with Christ. I want to hear stories about Jesus taking effect in the material world. He is God, after all, and He does take effect in the material world. He manifests Himself through miracles that defy the laws of nature every day. My wife's pie is blessed by Jesus. So is my music. I also have miraculous strength, just like Samson in the book of Judges. This proves that there is a God and He is Jesus Christ.

What evidence have you seen of God lately? For instance, have you been out hunting and seen a deer? That is a miracle. Have you ever been thinking about the weather, and suddenly the weather does something, like the wind blows or a cloud changes shape right before your very eyes? These are all miracles that many lesser people take for granted and explain scientifically. It is important for us to notice God's miracles, so that we can provide them as anecdotal evidence that turns fence humping agnostics into Christians.

[8luh 8luh]

Re: Hello, fellow Christians!

Since I am such a humble Christian soul, teeming with modesty and Christian virtue, I will call you 8luh.

Tell us about your walk with Christ. I want to hear stories about Jesus taking effect in the material world. He is God, after all, and He does take effect in the material world. He manifests Himself through miracles that defy the laws of nature every day. My wife's pie is blessed by Jesus. So is my music. I also have miraculous strength, just like Samson in the book of Judges. This proves that there is a God and He is Jesus Christ.

What evidence have you seen of God lately? For instance, have you been out hunting and seen a deer? That is a miracle. Have you ever been thinking about the weather, and suddenly the weather does something, like the wind blows or a cloud changes shape right before your very eyes? These are all miracles that many lesser people take for granted and explain scientifically. It is important for us to notice God's miracles, so that we can provide them as anecdotal evidence that turns fence humping agnostics into Christians.

I am deeply humbled by this great modesty. Praise the Lord!

God is everywhere--I have learned you must simply have faith. Every single thing EVER in existence is the creation of GOD and NO OTHER! The key word there is creation; evolution is a ridiculous thing that only sick fags believe in. Whenever I walk this world, smelling the perfect air that He has created, I give thanks. How does evolution prove the 7000+ languages over the world? Pah! It doesn't prove anything. Especially not that.

[8luh 8luh]

Re: Hello, fellow Christians!

Also, I attend the Church of Missisipi. ;-) It is decently conservative for me.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Hello, fellow Christians!

Welcome friend!

How man sons has your wife placed n the manger for God?

When did you discover that Jesus was walking beside you in the three legged race of life?

When did you become Baptized?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Hello, fellow Christians!

When I tried to pronounce your name, my 14 year old Indonesian houseboy started crying.

It seems the "8luh 8luh" was his grandmother's name.

If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.

[8luh 8luh]

Re: Hello, fellow Christians!

Welcome friend!

How man sons has your wife placed n the manger for God?

When did you discover that Jesus was walking beside you in the three legged race of life?

When did you become Baptized?

My wife has borne three sons: Michal, three years of age; Kenneth, seven years of age; and Johnathon, eleven years of age. They are all quite good children, although I have had a few bumps earlier (but, thanks to Proverbs 13-24, they are long gone ). I make quite sure they are hard-working the day over, in preparation to be men.

One day, when I was only three years old, President John F. Kennedy, a liberal joo-lover (look at his goth hairdo! ) was shot. I was not aware of it then, but in the years to come, I came to realize: Jesus is watching everyone in America. And his hand is not always light, either. President Lincoln was, unfortunately, a disgusting liberal, disgracing the republican party by being the first Republican American president. What happened? He was shot. And Kennedy was, as well. Praise the lord! Thank you, Jesus!

I was baptized when I was two weeks old.

[8luh 8luh]

Re: Hello, fellow Christians!

When I tried to pronounce your name, my 14 year old Indonesian houseboy started crying.

It seems the "8luh 8luh" was his grandmother's name.

If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.

Thank you, Pastor! I plan to use these Godly tools to the best of my ability.

[Jedediah]

Re: Hello, fellow Christians!

Proverbs 23: 13-14.

"Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you beat him with a rod, he will not die. If you beat him with the rod you will save his soul from Hell."

Welcome, young man. I couldn't help but notice that you quote from a false translation of the Holy Bible. False translations are of the devil and only serve to sow discord among Jesus' elect.

This country has strayed far from its evangelical roots. This decadence kicked into overdrive in the early 20th century as false translations of the Bible, based on Roman manuscripts, began to appear on our shores. In fact, since the arrival of our modern English translations, beginning with the ASV of 1901, America has seen:
1. God and prayer kicked out of our public school
2. Abortion-on-demand legalized
3. Homosexuality accepted nationally as an "alternate life style"
4. In-home pornography via TV, VCR, and Internet
5. Child kidnapping and pornography running rampant
6. Dope-smoking has become an epidemic
7. Satanism is on the rise
8. Video games and dark rock-n-roll music which encourage our children to become homosexuals and school shooters are prevalent

The depraved Madison Avenue sales system that brings false Bibles into the country should set alarms ringing in American "Christians." Instead, deluded by television, they dutifully nod and remark that, "It must be good; everybody's buying one."

Is there any "good" coming from modern translations? Surely. The publishing companies are making millions.

Today American "Christians" are spiritually anemic. They turn instead to their favorite "Bible psychologist" for help rather than Scripture. America as a whole is as morally decayed as Sodom and Gomorrah.

Ezekiel 16:49
Behold, this was the iniquity of thy sister Sodom, pride, fulness of bread, and abundance of idleness was in her and in her daughters, neither did she strengthen the hand of the poor and needy.

From the time of its publication in 1611, the King James Bible has grown in popularity. Although not mandated by the King to be used in the churches of England, it did, in a matter of a few years, manage to supplant all of the versions translated before it. Though it was not advertised in the Madison Avenue fashion of today's versions, it soon swept all other versions from the hearts and hands of the citizenry of England and its colonies.

With the conquest of the British Empire behind it, it crossed the Atlantic to the United States. Landing here it overwhelmed the double foothold of the Roman Catholic Church planted previously under the flags of Spain and France.

It then began to permeate young America with its ideals. Its Truths led to the establishment of an educational system, based on Scripture, that was unparalleled in the world. It instilled in men the ideals of freedom and personal liberty - thoughts so foreign to the minds of men that their inclusion in our Constitution could only be described as an "experiment" in government.

It commissioned preachers of righteousness who, on foot and horseback, broke trails into the wilderness and spread the Truth of the Gospel and of right living. In its wake was left what could only be described..."one nation, under God..." This accomplished, it set out for the conquest of the heathen world. Bible colleges (Princeton, Harvard, Yale) were founded. Mission societies formed. And eager young missionaries began to scour the globe with little more than a King James Bible and God's Holy Spirit.

If you don't have access to your own copy of God's perfectly preserved Word (KJV 1611, Pure Cambridge Edition), you can print out a copy here and put it into a set of spiral notebooks.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Hello, fellow Christians!

I am excited to be participating in this forum. Why? I'll tell you.

There are too many people in the world who say that they are True Christians. Honestly. Have people no integrity? There are HOMERSEXURALS everywhere! And some "Christian" churches...they actually accept these gay faggots! I wish to be part of this great movement against this abomination.

I am frankly disgusted by all of the bleeding-heart-liberals who disgrace God's favorite country. They call the GOOD CHRISTIANS (which, as I can plainly see, are mostly if not all Landover--though I will say that a church called Westboro has the right idea) racist and sexist! How horrid! Marriage is solely between a MAN and a WOMAN! The human race exists to teach His word, and His word alone.

I join these forums in the hope that I can join you in the battle against all of these things. ;-)

Praise!

Why do I get the feeling my apple is being polished?

[Didymus Much]

Re: Hello, fellow Christians!

...I was baptized when I was two weeks old.

Wrong. Some molester in a dress splashed water on your head.

All True Christians™ know it works this way: Accept Christ, repent your sins, and THEN get baptized. As infants are incapable of true repentance, they cannot be properly baptized (so yeah, if your baby dies, they go to HELL, no exceptions).

So you'll have to be baptized again. Please contact Mistress Cookie in the Church financial office with your credit details to arrange a generous tithing schedule. Do this quickly, because Jesus could decide to kill you at any moment.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Hello, fellow Christians!

Didymus, you would make a great Christian if you ever decided to reject the darkness and turn your face to the light.

What's it going to take to get you to stop pussyfooting around and accept Jesus?