I Officially Renounce Satanism!

[Enigmatic Harpo Marx]

Good members of Landover,

I would like to take this time to officially renounce my belief in Satanism.

Before coming to to this forum, I had never had any reason to question my stance, but for the past few months I have seen every kind of scum pass through here and have had the realization that I was in association with them.

I was sharing the same belief system (non-Christian) with cretins that cannot even spell two letter words correctly.

I find myself wondering, "How can I, in good conscious, believe that Satanism is not flawed when it's members have an average IQ of about 43.7?"

Aside from this, I have observed how eloquently the members of Landover are able to put forth logical arguments and discuss theological ideas (in most cases at least).

After much internal struggle, I have come to the conclusion that I must not only give up the absurd tenents of Satanism but turn to Jesus as well.

I know this is a very big change but I stand resolute in my decision and I sincerely and most humbly ask for your help in this tranformation.

Thank you,

Enigmatic Harpo Marx
(Ex-Satanist)

[Brother Cletus]

Re: I Officially Renounce Satanism!

Very good, Harpo! As you are no doubt aware, Satanists are generally involved in all sorts of vile and inhuman activities, such as sacrificing Christian babies, dancing naked around cauldrons, funding Bin Laden, and voting Democratic. It's great that you gave all that up for the Lord!

[Enigmatic Harpo Marx]

Re: I Officially Renounce Satanism!

Very good, Harpo! As you are no doubt aware, Satanists are generally involved in all sorts of vile and inhuman activities, such as sacrificing Christian babies, dancing naked around cauldrons, funding Bin Laden, and voting Democratic. It's great that you gave all that up for the Lord!

Thank you Brother Cletus,

I am very well aware of this fact, having taken part in much of it myself.

I am most regretful of this and must ask for forgiveness of my own past vileness.

I can only hope that Jesus truly forgives all sins.

[Nobar King]

Re: I Officially Renounce Satanism!

Well, let's hope this lasts. Having an ex-satanist on board will surely show the loving power of Jesus!! You're lucky you don't have to change your user name from some loser name like "residentSatanist3000".

[Enigmatic Harpo Marx]

Re: I Officially Renounce Satanism!

Well, let's hope this lasts. Having an ex-satanist on board will surely show the loving power of Jesus!! You're lucky you don't have to change your user name from some loser name like "residentSatanist3000".

It is quite lucky that I don't have to change my name....I even wonder if God forsaw my coming here and had something to do with it.

I can assure you (though I know the word of an ex-satantist is hard to trust) that I am firm on my decision.

I thank you for your support.

[Talitha]

Re: I Officially Renounce Satanism!

GLORY BROTHER!!
Another Sinner finds Salvation through Jesus Christ Via The Landover Baptist Church.
We got ex-Nigra's, Ex Homers, Ex Cattlickers, Ex Mooslimes, Ex Biker Chicks............... and now we got ourselves an Ex-Satanist.

I hope you've gotten yourself a suitable Tithing schedule sorted out

[Enigmatic Harpo Marx]

Re: I Officially Renounce Satanism!

GLORY BROTHER!!
Another Sinner finds Salvation through Jesus Christ Via The Landover Baptist Church.
We got ex-Nigra's, Ex Homers, Ex Cattlickers, Ex Mooslimes, Ex Biker Chicks............... and now we got ourselves an Ex-Satanist.

Thank you Sister Talitha

I hope you've gotten yourself a suitable Tithing schedule sorted out

I do not actually own a paypal account....Is there another way to tithe? If not, I'm sure I will have no trouble at all acquiring one.

[Talitha]

Re: I Officially Renounce Satanism!

I do not actually own a paypal account....Is there another way to tithe? If not, I'm sure I will have no trouble at all acquiring one.

Just contact a Pastor with your Check account details and Credit Card Numbers and I'm sure something will be sorted for you.

[Enigmatic Harpo Marx]

Re: I Officially Renounce Satanism!

Just contact a Pastor with your Check account details and Credit Card Numbers and I'm sure something will be sorted for you.

Will do, though it may take some time while I organize my funds. I eagerly look forward to doing all I can to repay for my sins.

[Nobar King]

Re: I Officially Renounce Satanism!

Is it too late for you to send messages to Satan for us? Maybe you could be a 'double-agent'.

[Enigmatic Harpo Marx]

Re: I Officially Renounce Satanism!

Is it too late for you to send messages to Satan for us? Maybe you could be a 'double-agent'.

Anything to repay my debt to Christ....what did you have in mind?

[Dr. Zaius]

Re: I Officially Renounce Satanism!

I don't have any reqests for you right now, but it's good to know what kind of assets are available. Do you have any plans for your baptism?

[Nobar King]

Re: I Officially Renounce Satanism!

Is it too late for you to send messages to Satan for us? Maybe you could be a 'double-agent'.

Anything to repay my debt to Christ....what did you have in mind?

Maybe you could ask him to slow down the Denver Nuggets a little? They only need to lose a few games, and not by much.

[Enigmatic Harpo Marx]

Re: I Officially Renounce Satanism!

I don't have any reqests for you right now, but it's good to know what kind of assets are available.

I'll wait until I am needed then. Pulling off being a "double-agent" for Christ shouldn't be too hard; I already know the in and outs of the Satanist scene so I'll be able to achieve a certain degree of inconspicuousness.

Do you have any plans for your baptism?

I actually don't know much about the mechanics of Christianity so I haven't been able to really plan out anything yet. I assume baptism is a fairly simple process though...?

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: I Officially Renounce Satanism!

PRAISE! Chalk up another one for Jesus!

It is quite lucky that I don't have to change my name

I'm not so sure. Do you really want to be constantly confused with that red, Harpo Marx, and his Communist Manifesto?