[Enigmatic Harpo Marx]

Re: I Officially Renounce Satanism!

What wonderful news, Mr. Marx!

Perhaps you can start a thread in the Landover Baptist Lounge, Ask an Ex-Satanist, in which you can expose all the lies of those Antionette LaVatorian Santaists like Shyster Lucy.

That is a fantastic idea Sister Jenny. God would hold it against me if I did not do all I could to show these satanists the error of their ways.

Mr. Marx, do you see how selfish Satanists are? Instead of being happy that your soul may be spared eternal torture in Hell, she's sad that she can't read funny posts anymore!

They are indeed selfish. That is the basis of their entire "religion". I look forward to the chance of exposing the folly of satanism and hopefully saving some souls in the process myself.

Now, are you registered to vote in your state's primary as a Republican? I'm sure you'll want to join Landover in supporting Mike Huckabee, both in the voting booth and in your financial life.

We're so committed to Mike Huckabee, that 10% of all donations sent via PayPal in the month of February are being sent directly to his campaign! So, be sure to donate before Friday to help Huck!

I haven't set up a way to tithe yet, but rest assured that it is on my list of things to do.

[Nobar King]

Re: I Officially Renounce Satanism!

Don't worry about tithing until you are a True Christian. (although throwing a little Jesus' way doesn't hurt). Right now you have a serious path to undertake. You need to become 'born again' as a Christian! How do you do this? You need to accept Jesus into your life! Don't wait any longer, the sooner you sign up, the better your life will be!!

Being a True Christian isn't like being a Buddhist or Zen master; it doesn't take years of study. All you have to do is declare your alliegence to the True Lord. (Let's say we recommend reading the bible [KJV 1611]) Make your way to Landover or another Baptist church if you are too far away and prepare to be baptised!!

Jesus awaits your glory!! What are you waiting for?? Think of the wonderful joys of being part of the Lord!! It's not like the false promises of beelzebub.

[JennyD]

Re: I Officially Renounce Satanism!

Brother Nobar, surely you want Mr. Marx to make a tangible commitment to Jesus by tithing, do you not?

How else will Jesus know that Mr. Marx truly loves Him?

Also, Mr. Marx must not rush willy-nilly to some random baptist-like church for baptism. He should accept Jesus NOW, and then tithe and study Scripture while looking for a proper church local to him. Or study at LBU.

[Nobar King]

Re: I Officially Renounce Satanism!

Can someone just send him the manual?

[SalvationSeeker]

Re: I Officially Renounce Satanism!

You've made the right choice, brother Harpo.
Praise Jesus!

I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth,
More than over ninety and nine just persons, which need no repentance.
Luke 15:7

[Nobar King]

Re: I Officially Renounce Satanism!

How many tattoos do you have, EHM?

[Enigmatic Harpo Marx]

Re: I Officially Renounce Satanism!

You've made the right choice, brother Harpo.
Praise Jesus!

I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth,
More than over ninety and nine just persons, which need no repentance.
Luke 15:7

Thank you SalvationSeeker!

How many tattoos do you have, EHM?

Unfortunately most satanic cults tend to enjoy marking their members (The Mark of the Beast is what many call it) and, having been in and out of many cults myself, I have 7 tattoos, 4 brands, and 1 carving.

[Nobar King]

Re: I Officially Renounce Satanism!

Well, now we want to see pictures of them.

[Enigmatic Harpo Marx]

Re: I Officially Renounce Satanism!

Well, now we want to see pictures of them.

Haha, would pictures of satanic symblos be appropriate for God's favorite forum? I wouldn't want to sully LBC's purity.

[Ahimaaz Smith]

Re: I Officially Renounce Satanism!

Anything to repay my debt to Christ....what did you have in mind?

He only asks for two things--ask Him for forgiveness, and commit your life to His service.

Renouncing satanism is a good first step, but it's exactly that: a first step. Odds are, you won't make it to heaven at this point (just look at my signature) but you are commanded to keep trying to be perfect according to Matthew 5:48

Extraordinarily well put. Enigmatic, I will pray for you.

How many tattoos do you have, EHM?

Doesn't really matter, they will all disappear when Enigmatic is saved.

Is it too late for you to send messages to Satan for us? Maybe you could be a 'double-agent'.

Excellent idea, Nobar. We have infiltrated agents into almost every major religion around the world, but the one place into which we can't sneak a double agent is Hell (well, there was one True Christian™ who visited Hell a few thousand years ago, but He was a special case, and didn't go there undercover).

[narrowpathy]

Re: I Officially Renounce Satanism!

skip

well, there was one True Christian™ who visited Hell a few thousand years ago, but He was a special case, and didn't go there undercover).

Adam?

[narrowpathy]

Re: I Officially Renounce Satanism!

[quote=Enigmatic Harpo Marx;150916]Well, I shall do my best though I can't imagine that it is even close to good enough in the eyes of the Lord.

And believe you me, I am already in the negatives when it comes to salvation points so I'm sure Jesus will give me no wiggle room when it comes to sinning. I'm on the straight and narrow from now on.
skip quote]

Harpy, congratulations on your stepping on the Narrow Path to Salvation!
Now walk on it with the True Lord!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: I Officially Renounce Satanism!

Harpy, congratulations on your stepping on the Narrow Path to Salvation!
Now walk on it with the True Lord!

Maybe you should think about accepting Christ as YOUR savior, too, NarrowHead.

[narrowpathy]

Re: I Officially Renounce Satanism!

Hi, Pa,
I've just clicked on that PayPal. See, if I had denied Him, why would I click on that PayPal thing now and then?

[ForGodsSake]

Re: I Officially Renounce Satanism!

Hi, Pa,
I've just clicked on that PayPal. See, if I had denied Him, why would I click on that PayPal thing now and then?

Well please do not keep us waiting. Tell us please..
The silence is killing me .