Hello From the Land of the Heathens

[FormerJew]

Hello Everyone,

I recently found these forums, and finally have a chance to express my feelings that have been building up for the past few years.

As my name suggests, I was brought up Jewish, but long ago realized the falseness of that "faith" and found the only true path of life, Jesus.

However, I had always been an "armchair" Christian; going to church, reading the Bible every now and then, and believing, but not doing.

However, a few years ago, I was forced to move to Europe for my job (which is quite well-paying). Once here, I really realized the extent of the Judeo-Islamist-Homo-Communism that is pervading the rest of the world. Only then did I start to understand that American Christianity is the only hope for the world, and that I can no longer sit back and just believe passively, but must be active.

So, I'm here. Thank you for your time.

[Brother Enoch]

Re: Hello From the Land of the Heathens

Well hello and welcome to our friendly forum! It is heartwarming to hear that you have rejected your life of Christ-hating and drinking the blood of Christian babies during hammockah!

A few questions: How long have you been married and do you have your husband's permission to post here? How many sons have you borne him? What is you favorite verse from the KJV and how is it influenced your walk with Christ? Now that you're a Christian do your Jew horns fall off by themselves or do you have to file them down? What is the best pie you make?

Again welcome, former jewess!

[FormerJew]

Re: Hello From the Land of the Heathens

Brother Enoch, thank you for your kind welcome. However, I don't think there was anything about my post that could indicate that I'm a woman. I'm a full blooded American male, and I could never imagine a world where I needed anybody's permission but Jesus' himself to post.

My favorite Bible passage is the majority of Ezekial 23. As I said, I live in Europe, and that chapter, and it's idea of the horridness of the lust for foreigners really resonates with me. I now realize, that only a real American Christian girl can be the one for me; and only those who don't turn away from the true faith, and the true nation are worthwhile.

Also, I like pecan pie.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Hello From the Land of the Heathens

Also, I like pecan pie.

How do you feel about bacon? THAT is the question!

Please introduce yourself, Hymie. I'm sure that we would all benefit from hearing about your perfection.

[Felicity]

Re: Hello From the Land of the Heathens

I was forced to move to Europe for my job

Why not ask Jesus for a job in America!

[Youth Minister Harry]

Re: Hello From the Land of the Heathens

Welcome to God's favorite American website message forum young man. I think it's obvious this website is just about your only hope for any whiff of sanity in your country. Why don't you take up work here in God's Country? If you need a good fresh start, I've got a missionary camp-out happening right here in my back yard. I could allow you stay on my property and at night we could pitch a tent together and talk about ways you can work off your debt to me. Then we could pray together for your forgiveness and salvation. How does that sound?

There are just a few things we need to get handled first... Are you a white? Are you height/weight proportionate? Did those hook-nosed killers of Christ whack off your tinkle sprout before you escaped?

Praise Jesus you've found an opportunity to seek salvation (pending the answers to those questions)! Hosannah In The Highest!

Marinading In The Fresh-Pumped Blood Of Baby Jesus In A Manger,
Harry Lester

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Hello From the Land of the Heathens

...for my job (which is quite well-paying)...

Welcome aboard, Shylock! I'm glad you feel comfortable being honest with us about your financial situation. You'll be relieved to know there are no tax-the-rich Democrats in this church, and no communistic sliding scale; you will never be expected to tithe any more than 35% of your income, just like the rest of us!

If you haven't already received your tithing form so as to arrange an automatic, monthly debit, please contact one of our pastors, and we'll get that mailed right to you.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Hello From the Land of the Heathens

Praise! Christmas is an excellent time to be a former Jew. I remember back when I was unsaved, when I had nothing better to do with my time than sit around my house on Christmas Day, while everyone else was celebrating with their families, and just annoy strangers on the internet. But now I have been saved by Christ, I can spend the day communing with my brethren instead. Hallelujah!