Hello.

[SaidEnoch]

Hello. It's nice to meet you.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Hello.

That's not an introduction. Please make an effort, so that we can properly greet you. Tell us about yourself, your church, and how you came to find Jesus.

If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.

[SaidEnoch]

Re: Hello.

Thank you for the information, True Christian.

I currently go to church in the west coast. My favorite chapter is Psalms 23. I have known Jesus my whole life.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Hello.

Thank you for the information, True Christian.

I currently go to church in the west coast. My favorite chapter is Psalms 23. I have known Jesus my whole life.

THAT IS NOT AN INTRODUCTION!!

What is your name? What is the name of your church? Are you a papist or something?

[SaidEnoch]

Re: Hello.

My name is Corey. I go to a church called Element. I am not a papist, True Christian.

[Jedediah]

Re: Hello.

My name is Corey. I go to a church called Element. I am not a papist, True Christian.

A church called "Element"... Let me guess: Your "pastor" is a tattooed lesbian, and you have some fag playing electric guitar at your Sunday services.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Hello.

My name is Corey. I go to a church called Element. I am not a papist, True Christian.

The only Element Church I know of is in Missouri.

Something smells here.

[SaidEnoch]

Re: Hello.

I do not get into the personal lives of my peers at church, so I do not know if the man who regularly plays electric guitar on Sunday service is a homosexual or not. However, I know the pastor is a man, and not a lesbian. I haven't seen a tattoo on him either, True Christian.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Hello.

I do not get into the personal lives of my peers at church, so I do not know if the man who regularly plays electric guitar on Sunday service is a homosexual or not.

Then we can safely assume it is not a Christian church, but rather a cherry-picking "feelgood" church that tells everybody that it's OK to be a sinner and spit in Jesus' eye as long as you say you're sorry once in a while.

[SaidEnoch]

Re: Hello.

That's too bad, True Christian.

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: Hello.

You use "True Christian(tm)" like an epithet.

Is there something you want to say? THEN SAY IT.

Yours in Christ,

Z. Smyth
Posted via Mobile Device

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Hello.

That's too bad, True Christian.

It is bad. But you have for some reason chosen a church that is not a Christian church. Why have you so poorly chosen, Unsaved Trash?

Do you want to go to Hell?

[SaidEnoch]

Re: Hello.

Oh, I did not choose this church. I apologize for the misconception. I went to that church for family this past winter break, so that's all I have for the question of "what church do you go to?"

I do go to church, but not in a common way. Y'see, there are people from different churches who pack together in vans and then spread their joy for clean and true Christians all around the nation. They've been at funerals for homosexual soliders, colleges with many gay and lesbian people, and many other events in order to spread God's word. I follow these people around whenever they are around the west coast, and listen to their teachings.

As for Zechariah Smyth, I believe I'm supposed to call every real Christian who is part of and associated with LBC a True Christian, and so I am doing just that. If you find this offensive, then I can surely stop as soon as possible, True Christian.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Hello.

Oh, I did not choose this church. I apologize for the misconception. I went to that church for family this past winter break, so that's all I have for the question of "what church do you go to?"

I understand. So your family attends a 'church' that tells homosexuals that it's OK to live in sin. Have you encouraged them to find a Christian church instead? Or do you wish your family to find themselves in Hell one day?

I do go to church, but not in a common way. Y'see, there are people from different churches who pack together in vans and then spread their joy for clean and true Christians all around the nation. They've been at funerals for homosexual soliders, colleges with many gay and lesbian people, and many other events in order to spread God's word. I follow these people around whenever they are around the west coast, and listen to their teachings.

I do hope you're not talking about those Westboro Baptist liberals.

While their stance on homosexuals is fine, they ignore far more popular sins, like adultery (see "Newt Gingrich" and "Herman Cain"), murder (see "Ted Kennedy" and "Bill Clinton"), fornication (see "Congressional pages"), and more.

This gives the false impression to Americans that it's OK to commit adultery, or murder people, or fornicate, or steal, or lust after someone other than your own spouse in your heart (which Jesus tells us is the equivalent of committing adultery).

They just allow heterosexuals to feel better about themselves at the expense of homosexuals, thinking themselves more likely to get to Heaven, when quite the opposite is the case.

[Jedediah]

Re: Hello.

So.... You're a gypsy?