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  • redemption_rancher
    Unsaved trash
    Under Investigation
    • Jan 2012
    • 3
    #1

    Greetings

    Good day Land Over Baptist Church,

    I am currently attempting to save Africa. Jesus took my hand today and registered me on your website, I think he intends for me to learn all i can from you.

    A favorite quote of mine at the moment:
    Who is the liar? It is the man who denies that Jesus is the Christ. Such a man is the antichrist—he denies the Father and the Son.
    --1 John 2:22

    Saving Africa one soul at a time
    Tags: None
    • Billy Bob Jenkins
      Family Man of the Year 2010-2013
      About as Straight and Manly as you can get
      Hates anal sex. And trees.
      True Christian™
      • May 2010
      • 8337
      #2
      Re: Greetings

      Originally posted by redemption_rancher View Post
      Good day Land Over Baptist Church,

      I am currently attempting to save Africa. Jesus took my hand today and registered me on your website, I think he intends for me to learn all i can from you.

      A favorite quote of mine at the moment:
      Who is the liar? It is the man who denies that Jesus is the Christ. Such a man is the antichrist—he denies the Father and the Son.
      --1 John 2:22

      Welcome to God's favorite forum, friend. Please use the Godly King James Version of the Holy Bible. It is the only authentic version.

      I am so glad that you are going to save Africa. Someone needed to. Just watch your rear end over there. I hear that rape is pretty ubiquitous.

      If you want to learn about Landover Baptist Church, the thing to do is to read the Bible. Everything we believe comes straight from it, and everything that is from it, we believe.
      The Only Real Climate Change Will be Hell!

        Comment

        • Faith_Machine
          Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
          True Christian™
          • Mar 2011
          • 10050
          #3
          Re: Greetings

          Welcome aboard, rancher! What's your favorite technique for slaughtering cows?
          WARNING:
          In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
          REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

            Comment

            • redemption_rancher
              Unsaved trash
              Under Investigation
              • Jan 2012
              • 3
              #4
              Re: Greetings

              I would love to order some of those bibles, the people here sure need them!

              I have been lucky and only raped three times having been here for so many years. Jesus has also served me justice.

              Faith_Machine, over here there is very little equipment most people stone them or strangle them however, Jesus has blessed me and i have my cattle electricuted by the power of God.
              Saving Africa one soul at a time

                Comment

                • Brother Temperance
                  Senior Usher
                  True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom
                  A very nice young man
                  True Christian™
                  • Sep 2006
                  • 15621
                  #5
                  Re: Greetings

                  Originally posted by redemption_rancher View Post
                  I would love to order some of those bibles, the people here sure need them!

                  I have been lucky and only raped three times having been here for so many years. Jesus has also served me justice.
                  Well, I certainly hope that you were only raped in a field, and not in the city (Deuteronomy 22:23-27). Do they even have cities over there?
                  O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



                  God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

                    Comment

                    • Pastor Ezekiel
                      Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                       
                      • Sep 2006
                      • 78556
                      #6
                      Re: Greetings

                      Welcome to God's favorite forum, friend. I too spend a lot of time overseas doing missionary work, only I fly the other way.

                      If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

                      If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

                      You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

                      Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.
                      Who Will Jesus Damn?

                      Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                      Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                      Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                        Comment

                        • landoverlover
                          Also loves Jesus and America
                          True Christian™
                          • Jul 2010
                          • 828
                          #7
                          Re: Greetings

                          Originally posted by redemption_rancher View Post
                          Good day Land Over Baptist Church,

                          I am currently attempting to save Africa. Jesus took my hand today and registered me on your website, I think he intends for me to learn all i can from you.

                          A favorite quote of mine at the moment:
                          Who is the liar? It is the man who denies that Jesus is the Christ. Such a man is the antichrist—he denies the Father and the Son.
                          --1 John 2:22

                          Well, good luck with that. If you want to flush the African toilet, you might recruit some local mau-maus, Tutsis, Hutus and other machete-swinging mud people to send the apostate Catlickers and LDS charlatans back to the Vatican and Salt Lake City in very small pieces. Those people just won't take a hint.
                          Leviticus 13:44 He is a leprous man, he is UNCLEAN: the priest shall pronounce him utterly UNCLEAN; his plague is in his head.

                          2 Kings 6:25 And there was a great famine in Samaria: and, behold, they besieged it, until an ass's head was sold for fourscore pieces of silver, and the fourth part of a cab of dove's dung for five pieces of silver.



                          King James Bible v1611

                          Good Enough For JESUS....Good Enough For Me !!

                          sigpic

                            Comment

                            • Nobar King
                              Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58
                              Christ's Guardian
                              True Christian™
                              • Sep 2007
                              • 23748
                              #8
                              Re: Greetings

                              Originally posted by redemption_rancher View Post
                              Good day Land Over Baptist Church,

                              I am currently attempting to save Africa.
                              I think this is a noble cause. Where can I send you some money to help you with your mission?
                              May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

                                Comment

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