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  • Friar Schmuck
    Unsaved trash
    Under Investigation
    • Feb 2012
    • 2
    #1

    Friar Schmuck's introduction.

    Oh ye veteran Christianites, I come before thee as a nooby, and cast myself at thy feet so that ye may bless this wretched soul. Please take me in thy womb... well, maybe not womb... and help me cast out the demons that rack my soul.

    I implore thy forgiveness and guidance as I embark on this journey.

    How do I earn the badges of honor so many of you possess?



    "Ye Ethiopians also, ye shall be slain by my sword."

    What a guy!
    Tags: None
    • Pastor William Nathaniel Sampson
      Pastor of Praise and Worship
      A True Christian™ Straight Shooter
      True Christian™
      • Jul 2009
      • 3890
      #2
      Re: Friar Schmuck's introduction.

      I split this off into its own thread.

      Why do you name yourself after a catholic jew?
      Praise and worship with Pastor Will. Services at 9 a.m., 11 a.m. and 6 p.m.


      Contact me. pastorwillsampson at gmail.com

        Comment

        • Faith_Machine
          Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
          True Christian™
          • Mar 2011
          • 10050
          #3
          Re: Friar Schmuck's introduction.

          Speaking as one who is ethnically Jewish, I feel I must chime in and point out that the word "schmuck" is Yiddish slang for a man's private parts.

          Welcome, Father Tallywacker, to the friendliest Christian community in the world! You're more than welcome to learn about Jesus with us, but I hope you'll understand if you're not permitted to exchange personal messages with any member who's under the age of eighteen.
          WARNING:
          In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
          REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

            Comment

            • Rev. M. Rodimer
              Honorary True Christian™
              Forum Member
              • May 2008
              • 13996
              #4
              Re: Friar Schmuck's introduction.

              Originally posted by Friar Schmuck View Post
              Oh ye veteran Christianites, I come before thee as a nooby, and cast myself at thy feet so that ye may bless this wretched soul. Please take me in thy womb... well, maybe not womb... and help me cast out the demons that rack my soul.

              I implore thy forgiveness and guidance as I embark on this journey.

              How do I earn the badges of honor so many of you possess?



              "Ye Ethiopians also, ye shall be slain by my sword."

              What a guy!
              Why are you a God-mocking, Mary-worshiping, ring-kissing papist scumbag instead of a Christian?
              Bible boring? Nonsense!
              Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
              You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!

                Comment

                • Mary Etheldreda
                  Gushing for Jesus
                   
                  • Sep 2011
                  • 23775
                  #5
                  Re: Friar Schmuck's introduction.

                  The demons come from your Roman cult. Take a look at the kind of thing your evil religion inspires:



                  Growing up in catholic Mexico means this crazy woman was indoctrinated since birth. Those hispanic catholics think this stuff is normal!
                  Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

                    Comment

                    • Friar Schmuck
                      Unsaved trash
                      Under Investigation
                      • Feb 2012
                      • 2
                      #6
                      Re: Friar Schmuck's introduction.

                      Well, Pastor it is quite simple. I... uh, you see... umm Well, danged if I know. Do you find it offensive?

                        Comment

                        • Rev. M. Rodimer
                          Honorary True Christian™
                          Forum Member
                          • May 2008
                          • 13996
                          #7
                          Re: Friar Schmuck's introduction.

                          Originally posted by Friar Schmuck View Post
                          Well, Pastor it is quite simple. I... uh, you see... umm Well, danged if I know. Do you find it offensive?
                          No, Friar Putz, I don't find your choice to deny Jesus in favor of Mary-worship offensive.

                          God does. And He will burn you alive in His Lake of Fire for all eternity to show you how offensive He finds it.

                          <-- Frying Friar Putz
                          Bible boring? Nonsense!
                          Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
                          You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!

                            Comment

                            • Brother Helge
                              True Christian™
                              True Christian™
                              • Jan 2010
                              • 1074
                              #8
                              Re: Friar Schmuck's introduction.

                              Originally posted by Faith_Machine View Post
                              Speaking as one who is ethnically Jewish,
                              No, you are not!

                              Jesus has cured you from the jooishnes with His own White blood!

                              Shout Glory!
                              "And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free."
                              John 8:32

                                Comment

                                • Faith_Machine
                                  Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
                                  True Christian™
                                  • Mar 2011
                                  • 10050
                                  #9
                                  Re: Friar Schmuck's introduction.

                                  Thanks, Brother Helge! I guess I hadn't realized it, because my nose hasn't gotten any smaller.
                                  WARNING:
                                  In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
                                  REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

                                    Comment

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