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  • Daniel Nelson
    Unsaved trash
    Under Investigation
    • Feb 2012
    • 6
    #1

    Goodmorning all!

    My name is Daniel and I found this site by chance. Maybe it was God’s way of helping me find him. I've been reading through the different threads and my goodness I have been living a depraved and ungodly life. I live in Australia a place where all cultures are treated as equals, though of course they aren't equal. I'm new to True Christianity as my family raised me as a Catholic . I'm desperately trying to learn the scriptures and the word of God. I require a lot of help. If there's any advice you can give me, I would be very appreciative. God bless, and thank you.
    Leviticus 20:13 - "If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them."
    Tags: None
    • Pastor Ezekiel
      Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
       
      • Sep 2006
      • 78553
      #2
      Re: Goodmorning all!

      Welcome to God's favorite forum. Here's my advice:

      #1: Stop eating roasted maggots. That makes Jesus sick. Eat a Cheeseburger and fries or something American.

      #2: Stop drinking Foster's Lager. It's not Godly. Drink Budweiser, Christ's favorite.

      #3: Learn to speak God's favorite language (American) so He can understand you when you Pray.

      #4: Show a bit of shame at your criminal and/or abo ancestry. That's just the decent thing to do.

      #5: Accept Jesus as your personal Savior now.

      If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

      If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

      You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

      Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.
      Who Will Jesus Damn?

      Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

      Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

      Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

        Comment

        • James Hutchins
          True Christian™
          Just a Regular Nice Guy
           
          • Jun 2009
          • 29453
          #3
          Re: Goodmorning all!

          Pastor Ezekiel, reading your sage advice always makes the blood rush in my ears as I imagine you in a loving embrace with Jesus. Shout Glory!
          Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
          Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
          Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
          Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
          Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
          Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

            Comment

            • Daniel Nelson
              Unsaved trash
              Under Investigation
              • Feb 2012
              • 6
              #4
              Re: Goodmorning all!

              Thankyou Pastor. I have never in my life ingested anything God wouldn’t approve. Leave that to the Aboriginals. Luckily the population of Aboriginals in my small town is almost non-existent. I think Foster’s beer is awful tasting. I haven’t tried Budweiser yet.
              Leviticus 20:13 - "If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them."

                Comment

                • Pastor Ezekiel
                  Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                   
                  • Sep 2006
                  • 78553
                  #5
                  Re: Goodmorning all!

                  Originally posted by Daniel Nelson View Post
                  Thankyou Pastor. I have never in my life ingested anything God wouldn’t approve. Leave that to the Aboriginals. Luckily the population of Aboriginals in my small town is almost non-existent. I think Foster’s beer is awful tasting. I haven’t tried Budweiser yet.
                  I know, I know....all of you Austrians say that. Did you catch any of my Mass Sermons when we had our Landover Baptist Church Mission to Austria a couple of years back?
                  Who Will Jesus Damn?

                  Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                  Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                  Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                    Comment

                    • Daniel Nelson
                      Unsaved trash
                      Under Investigation
                      • Feb 2012
                      • 6
                      #6
                      Re: Goodmorning all!

                      No unfortunately I was still an unsaved Catholic a few years ago. Would those sermons be available on Youtube?
                      Leviticus 20:13 - "If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them."

                        Comment

                        • Jed_Cassidy
                          True Christian™
                          True Christian™
                          • May 2009
                          • 289
                          #7
                          Re: Goodmorning all!

                          Son, I need to add one more to Pastor Zeke's list:

                          #6: Start living on God's Favorite Time Zone (CST, where Freehold, Iowa falls).

                          It is evening here, and to start a thread beginning with "Good morning" is not only false and disrespectful to the True Christians™ on this board, but as well as Jesus.
                          Matthew 7:15
                          Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.

                            Comment

                            • Daniel Nelson
                              Unsaved trash
                              Under Investigation
                              • Feb 2012
                              • 6
                              #8
                              Re: Goodmorning all!

                              I'm sorry, how ignorant of me. I will change that right now.
                              Leviticus 20:13 - "If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them."

                                Comment

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