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  • Precious_Dude
    Unsaved trash, suspected queer
    • Sep 2012
    • 2
    #1

    Hey there

    Hi, i'm everyone's favorite neighborhood hero.

    You may know me by my very popular game series that is loved for its violence and brutality towards all sorts of religious freaks. Including Muslims.

    Don't expect me to act any nicer. The bitch wife signed me up for this shit and i might as well enjoy it while it lasts.
    Tags: None
    • Pastor Ezekiel
      Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
       
      • Sep 2006
      • 78552
      #2
      Re: Hey there

      Originally posted by Postal_Dude View Post
      Hi, i'm everyone's favorite neighborhood hero.

      You may know me by my very popular game series that is loved for its violence and brutality towards all sorts of religious freaks. Including Muslims.

      Don't expect me to act any nicer. The bitch wife signed me up for this shit and i might as well enjoy it while it lasts.
      I have no idea who you are. Leave the ego at the door and please properly introduce yourself. Name, age, location, etc. What church do you attend? How did you come to find Jesus?

      If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

      If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

      You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

      Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.
      Who Will Jesus Damn?

      Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

      Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

      Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

        Comment

        • Precious_Dude
          Unsaved trash, suspected queer
          • Sep 2012
          • 2
          #3
          Re: Hey there

          Listen here pal.

          The wife says i have to do this and so does my shrink.

          I'm not here because i want to. Lets just be good friends and never question why i need a shrink.

            Comment

            • Little Donkey
              Forum Member
              • Oct 2010
              • 498
              #4
              Re: Hey there

              Originally posted by Postal_Dude View Post
              Listen here pal.

              The wife says i have to do this and so does my shrink.

              I'm not here because i want to. Lets just be good friends and never question why i need a shrink.
              You have to do what your wife says? What freakish religion are you part of? Even the mozzies have that one right.

                Comment

                • Rev. M. Rodimer
                  Honorary True Christian™
                  Forum Member
                  • May 2008
                  • 13996
                  #5
                  Re: Hey there

                  Originally posted by Precious_Dude View Post
                  Hi, i'm everyone's favorite neighborhood hero.

                  You may know me by my very popular game series that is loved for its violence and brutality towards all sorts of religious freaks. Including Muslims.

                  Don't expect me to act any nicer. The bitch wife signed me up for this shit and i might as well enjoy it while it lasts.
                  Dear Precious:

                  I see you have overlooked the idiot-proof instructions at the top of the page. From this, I surmise that you are a retard.

                  I shall repost them here for you, since you proved yourself unable to discover them on your own.

                  Here is where you introduce yourself. Tell us

                  what church you go to and

                  what your favorite Bible verse is and

                  how you came to find Jesus.
                  Note that it does not say, "Make up implausible stories about your wife signing you up for a Christian church's private discussion forum, and pretend that you are a Christian man who would obey a woman's commands like a castrated toy poodle."


                  Down there? That's Hell, Precious. Where you're headed.
                  Bible boring? Nonsense!
                  Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
                  You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!

                    Comment

                    • Faith_Machine
                      Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
                      True Christian™
                      • Mar 2011
                      • 10049
                      #6
                      Re: Hey there

                      Hello Precious! I rejoice in the Lord's choice to bring you here to our humble home on the Internet!

                      I'm curious regarding the fact that your psychiatrist compelled you to join us, though. It's been my experience that most psychiatrists are either atheists, Jews, or atheist Jews.

                      Are you fortunate enough to be seeing an all-too-rare Christian psychiatrist? Has he cast out all of your demons?
                      WARNING:
                      In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
                      REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

                        Comment

                        • Zechariah Smyth
                          Walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless.
                          True Christian™
                          • Feb 2011
                          • 15251
                          #7
                          Re: Hey there

                          Originally posted by Precious_Dude View Post
                          Hi, i'm everyone's favorite neighborhood hero.

                          You may know me by my very popular game series that is loved for its violence and brutality towards all sorts of religious freaks. Including Muslims.

                          Don't expect me to act any nicer. The bitch wife signed me up for this shit and i might as well enjoy it while it lasts.
                          You seem too gay to be married. Are you sure you're not in a "civil union" or something?



                          Yours in Christ,

                          Z. Smyth
                          sigpic

                            Comment

                            • Faith_Machine
                              Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
                              True Christian™
                              • Mar 2011
                              • 10049
                              #8
                              Re: Hey there

                              I don't understand how he could be a video game character and talking to us. I thought video game characters were fictional?

                              What is it with some people and their desire to believe that made-up characters really exist? That's kind of odd.
                              WARNING:
                              In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
                              REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

                                Comment

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