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  • Jack_S.
    Confirmed Enemy of God
    BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
    • Sep 2012
    • 47

    #1

    To whomever it may concern

    Hi my name is Jack, I'm writing this letter in heavy regard of a Church membership with the Landover baptist Church.

    A brief history of my self, I've just recently converted as a Christian after I was forced to resign from my previous employment as a business consultant with the IBM in April of last year; due to some issue in the form of venereal misdemeanor with one of the junior coworker-which were falsely accused on me. Although the alleged case was a very complicated situation and I'm positively certain that the figure who was performing such a vile act in the hidden video footage was not me at all, I decided to make the matter less strenuous by voluntarily resigning from that job in order to avoid any further threats of lawsuit with the union.

    I'm currently unemployed and have been living on the unemployment benefit since my resignation. It is very hard to find a permanent full time office job at the in the mean time even though there are jobs out there; as companies are reluctant to hire any one due to the uncertainty on the global economic situation. Nevertheless, albeit life is very difficult for me at the moment I found salvation when I came across a good local baptist pastor by the name of Raul, a few months ago- who happens to be came a best friend with me at first sight. I can't truly explain why, but as a man who is now a Christian- I must say that I felt a sudden chemistry with this Pastor Raul. He visited my apartment almost everyday and gave me extra cash, fruits and sweets in exchange for a general labor duties inside the Church (ie polishing, mopping the church floor etc ). I truly found comfort with this man; we became some sort of benefactor-type of friend, and for some uncanny reason (which again I can't explain) I can sense a good old Jesusly love every time he put the bible on my lap and quote scriptures from the book of Songs.

    This man of the cloth truly opened my eyes; he introduced me to his most glorious lover of all the Lord Christ Jesus, through his subtle messages he revealed to me the true message- that is- if I ever want to love a man Jesus is in fact the man. Technically speaking the correlation between the story that I told you above doesn't have anything todo with the fact why I wish to join the Landover baptist; but let me tell you anyhow- I was browsing the internet at a local internet cafe a couple of hours ago and I came across to this site that some what exerted a more advance, yet the same kind of loving towards Jesus- that me and my friend with benefactor Raul have towards Christ, and because of this- I'd endeavor to be close to Jesus as much as you people do.

    And by the way my favorite biblical scripture is:

    Matthew 10:37 He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.
  • Rev. M. Rodimer
    Honorary True Christian™
    Forum Member
    • May 2008
    • 13996

    #2
    Re: To whomever it may concern

    I don't even know where to start.

    Your name? A consultant being represented by a union? A welfare-sucking leech thinking he can join Landover? A Baptist pastor named Raul?

    Would you like to start over, friend? We can just pretend that first post didn't happen, OK?
    Bible boring? Nonsense!
    Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
    You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!

    Comment

    • Mary Etheldreda
      Gushing for Jesus
       
      • Sep 2011
      • 23775

      #3
      Re: To whomever it may concern

      And this time don't talk so long. Goodness, even my girls don't chatter on as much as this OP.

      Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

      Comment

      • Jack_S.
        Confirmed Enemy of God
        BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
        • Sep 2012
        • 47

        #4
        Re: To whomever it may concern

        Originally posted by Rev. M. Rodimer View Post
        I don't even know where to start.

        Your name? A consultant being represented by a union? A welfare-sucking leech thinking he can join Landover? A Baptist pastor named Raul?

        Would you like to start over, friend? We can just pretend that first post didn't happen, OK?
        My name is Jack Schitt and yes this is my genuine birth name written in my birth certificate, driver license and passport.

        And as for your other question let me tell you that I've no mean to get any income other than the unemployment benefit; I've to survive somehow until another opportunity is opened through the will of Christ.

        Comment

        • Rev. M. Rodimer
          Honorary True Christian™
          Forum Member
          • May 2008
          • 13996

          #5
          Re: To whomever it may concern

          Originally posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
          And this time don't talk so long. Goodness, even my girls don't chatter on as much as this OP.

          Mayhap he thinks he will be heard for his much speaking.
          Bible boring? Nonsense!
          Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
          You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!

          Comment

          • Rev. M. Rodimer
            Honorary True Christian™
            Forum Member
            • May 2008
            • 13996

            #6
            Re: To whomever it may concern

            Originally posted by Jack_S. View Post
            My name is Jack Schitt and yes this is my genuine birth name written in my birth certificate, driver license and passport.
            Scan and post all three. You have five minutes. Feel free to redact your street address.

            Tick, tock, tick, tock.

            Bible boring? Nonsense!
            Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
            You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!

            Comment

            • Jack_S.
              Confirmed Enemy of God
              BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
              • Sep 2012
              • 47

              #7
              Re: To whomever it may concern

              Originally posted by Rev. M. Rodimer View Post
              Mayhap he thinks he will be heard for his much speaking.
              By all mean Rev where is your Christian love? I told you all those thing because I am excited that I found such convention filled with Christians and my sole intention is to come clean before anything else. I've nothing to hide, man.

              Comment

              • Rev. M. Rodimer
                Honorary True Christian™
                Forum Member
                • May 2008
                • 13996

                #8
                Re: To whomever it may concern

                Originally posted by Jack_S. View Post
                By all mean Rev where is your Christian love? I told you all those thing because I am excited that I found such convention filled with Christians and my sole intention is to come clean before anything else. I've nothing to hide, man.
                Your five minutes are nearly up, bub.

                Either come clean or provide evidence of your unlikely claim.
                Bible boring? Nonsense!
                Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
                You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!

                Comment

                • Jack_S.
                  Confirmed Enemy of God
                  BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
                  • Sep 2012
                  • 47

                  #9
                  Re: To whomever it may concern

                  Originally posted by Rev. M. Rodimer View Post
                  Your five minutes are nearly up, bub.

                  Either come clean or provide evidence of your unlikely claim.


                  John 17:17 Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth.

                  I told you the truth and nothing but the truth...rev-man. Christ himself is the sole witness to my declaration. I left all my secular documents in mom's place, including my social security number, my last pay slip and other things. I'm currently sharing an apartment with Pastor Raul at the moment, all I got are cloths and the bible. thus I might retain it when I get back home during Christmas.

                  Comment

                  • Pastor Isaac Peters
                    Senior Pastor
                    Ex-liberal; converted to True Christianity™
                    Always Biblically correct
                    True Christian™
                    • Sep 2006
                    • 10639

                    #10
                    Re: To whomever it may concern

                    Originally posted by Jack_S. View Post
                    I'm currently sharing an apartment with Pastor Raul at the moment, all I got are cloths and the bible. thus I might retain it when I get back home during Christmas.
                    That must be very stressful, dear friend. It's a pity that you can't de-stress by taking a vacation in ... oh, I don't know ... New Zealand or somewhere like that.
                    This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

                    Questions to ask liberal "Christians"Things that the Bible doesn't sayTolerance

                    sigpic

                    Comment

                    • Mary Etheldreda
                      Gushing for Jesus
                       
                      • Sep 2011
                      • 23775

                      #11
                      Re: To whomever it may concern

                      Originally posted by Jack_S. View Post
                      My name is Jack Schitt and yes this is my genuine birth name written in my birth certificate, driver license and passport.

                      And as for your other question let me tell you that I've no mean to get any income other than the unemployment benefit; I've to survive somehow until another opportunity is opened through the will of Christ.
                      Oh, let me guess, you are the product of the marriage between Dip Schitt and Loda Schitt.

                      Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

                      Comment

                      • Mary Etheldreda
                        Gushing for Jesus
                         
                        • Sep 2011
                        • 23775

                        #12
                        Re: To whomever it may concern

                        Originally posted by Pastor Isaac Peters View Post
                        That must be very stressful, dear friend. It's a pity that you can't de-stress by taking a vacation in ... oh, I don't know ... New Zealand or somewhere like that.
                        Surely he could find some respite there, and an almost guaranteed absence of "Rauls."
                        Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

                        Comment

                        • Jack_S.
                          Confirmed Enemy of God
                          BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
                          • Sep 2012
                          • 47

                          #13
                          Re: To whomever it may concern

                          Originally posted by Pastor Isaac Peters View Post
                          That must be very stressful, dear friend. It's a pity that you can't de-stress by taking a vacation in ... oh, I don't know ... New Zealand or somewhere like that.
                          I am a New Zealander pastor, and yep It is stressful. Being unemployed is truly humiliating, people tend to alienate me cause I can't afford to buy things ( even at fast food restaurants.) I've to go to the welfare office everyweek to attend working seminars along with bunch of ugly degenerates and minorities that gets to stare at me as if they're about to inseminate me from behind.

                          Comment

                          • Jack_S.
                            Confirmed Enemy of God
                            BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
                            • Sep 2012
                            • 47

                            #14
                            Re: To whomever it may concern

                            Originally posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
                            Surely he could find some respite there, and an almost guaranteed absence of "Rauls."
                            Look Ma'am, Raul isn't "absence" ...Plz stop it with these doubts and constant attacks that make me look like a lying, scum of Satan, because I am not!, Raul is an Argentinian baptist Pastor who is residing in this country, ma'am & as I've said he's a my protege and my Christly bests friend and benefactor who introduced me to Jesus.

                            Comment

                            • Cursed
                              Recovering Bastard
                              Head of Landover Glee Club
                              True Christian™
                              • Jan 2011
                              • 1363

                              #15
                              Re: To whomever it may concern

                              Originally posted by Jack_S. View Post
                              I am a New Zealander pastor, and yep It is stressful. Being unemployed is truly humiliating, people tend to alienate me cause I can't afford to buy things ( even at fast food restaurants.) I've to go to the welfare office everyweek to attend working seminars along with bunch of ugly degenerates and minorities that gets to stare at me as if they're about to inseminate me from behind.
                              The reason you are poor is because you go to the welfare office! The Bible tells you this.

                              Matthew 6:25-26~ Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?

                              Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?

                              God will take care of you, if only you would submit to His will!
                              The vine is dried up, and the fig tree languisheth; the pomegranate tree, the palm tree also, and the apple tree, even all the trees of the field, are withered: because joy is withered away from the sons of men.~Joel 1:12

                              Comment

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