Saved at last!

[Happy Christian]

It was a miracle of the Lord that I found this place. I was trying to log onto a porn site, it was dark, I was drunk, and a typographical "error" brought me here. Accident? I think not!
I have so much repenting to do. I have been a terrible,terrible sinner. I have drunk and drugged excessively, fornicated mightily, and made a living for 35 years playing rock and roll, the Devil's music. I have associated with musicians, actors, liberals, jews, negroes, asians, and assorted other scum.
I will be seeking guidance here on how to properly conduct myself as a godly person. I would really like to start by teaching my wife the proper roles of man and woman on marriage. How much of a beating would be scripturally correct?

Brother Happy.

[Nathaniel Crump]

Re: Saved at last!

It was a miracle of the Lord that I found this place. I was trying to log onto a porn site, it was dark, I was drunk, and a typographical "error" brought me here. Accident? I think not!
I have so much repenting to do. I have been a terrible,terrible sinner. I have drunk and drugged excessively, fornicated mightily, and made a living for 35 years playing rock and roll, the Devil's music. I have associated with musicians, actors, liberals, jews, negroes, asians, and assorted other scum.
I will be seeking guidance here on how to properly conduct myself as a godly person. I would really like to start by teaching my wife the proper roles of man and woman on marriage. How much of a beating would be scripturally correct?

Brother Happy.

You made a typographical error. Please tell me exactly where in the bible it says that such an error makes you "saved"?

Regarding the beating, perhaps you need to do some repenting, learning and clean living before you start to consider disciplining others? You are not a shining example to her, are you?

[Levi Jones]

Re: Saved at last!

I'm so glad the Lord led you here and that you have a passion for Jesus. The problem is that you may be putting the cart before the horse.

Most churches like to lie to you and tell you a few feel good verses that you can memorize. We want our members to have a working knowledge of the Bible before making a commitment to Jesus. It is the best way to assure that new brothers and sisters don't fall away from the faith.

Luke 8:13They on the rock are they, which, when they hear, receive the word with joy; and these have no root, which for a while believe, and in time of temptation fall away.

[Happy Christian]

Re: Saved at last!

Luke 8:13They on the rock are they, which, when they hear, receive the word with joy; and these have no root, which for a while believe, and in time of temptation fall away.

Thank you for that inspiring verse, Brother Levi. That makes it all so clear. I must confess my Bible knowledge is slim. More study is needed.

In all those years of travelling playing the Devil's music, almost every hotel room had a Gideon's Bible, but we used the pages to roll joints when we ran out of Rizlas.

I mightily repent my blasphemous ways now.
However, back to the subject of my wife. I know the good book says that a woman should be silent, that the man should be the head of the household. My dilemma, caused by my ignorance of scripture and theology, is that I have no idea what chastisement is good in the eyes of God.

Should I smite her like unto the Amalekites and sow salt on the remains, or should I just ask her nicely to be obedient and subservient?

[Levi Jones]

Re: Saved at last!

Thank you for that inspiring verse, Brother Levi. That makes it all so clear. I must confess my Bible knowledge is slim. More study is needed.

In all those years of travelling playing the Devil's music, almost every hotel room had a Gideon's Bible, but we used the pages to roll joints when we ran out of Rizlas.

I mightily repent my blasphemous ways now.
However, back to the subject of my wife. I know the good book says that a woman should be silent, that the man should be the head of the household. My dilemma, caused by my ignorance of scripture and theology, is that I have no idea what chastisement is good in the eyes of God.

Should I smite her like unto the Amalekites and sow salt on the remains, or should I just ask her nicely to be obedient and subservient?

Well, the thing we don't want to do is break any laws or do anything that can get us into trouble.

As Paul tells us.

Romans 13:1-2
1 Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God.
2 Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation.

I think that's why it's so important to marry the right kind of woman in the first place. One that will submit to her proper role.

Paul does speak of an exception to Jesus' command against divorce. If your wife is an unrepentant shrill harpy who will not submit to you, you are allowed to divorce her.

1 Corinthians 7:15
15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.

[Happy Christian]

Re: Saved at last!

Well, the thing we don't want to do is break any laws or do anything that can get us into trouble.

As Paul tells us.

Romans 13:1-2
1 Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God.
2 Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation.

These verses spoke directly to my heart. When I was a blind sinner, following the ways of the ungodly, I did once resist the power of an officer of the law, not understanding that he was ordained by God, and received to myself a mighty beating, and a mighty kicking, and was incarcerated for the night.

To think that I cursed that ordained instrument of God's will! I must humble myself and learn how live right in the sight of the Lord.

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Saved at last!

Welcome, Brother Happy!

If your wife is a decent woman in any way, she will see the change in you: The new disgust at those pastimes you shared; The repulsion of the hobbies you previously enjoyed together; The desire to purge your soul, as well as your environment, from anything that does not glorify the LORD! Surely she will know something wonderful has happened to you, and will want to join you in this New and Joyful Adventure that is the Christian Life!

So tell us, how many children will you be busy converting into Soldiers of Christ!

[Happy Christian]

Re: Saved at last!

Bless you and thank you, Sister Mary E.

My wife is not a decent woman: she has lived with me for 28 years, has accommodated my indecent lusts, even liked some of them. She has contributed to my sins by buying me a case of beer every week when she gets the groceries.

She was the one who got a good steady job and encouraged me to "express myself" and "use my talents" playing the Devil's music. She was the one who laughed when i made derogatory jokes about politicians, cops, clergy, whom I now understand are all ordained by God.

I now understand that God made her barren for her sins (nothing to do with my sperm's pitiful swimming abilities), and thus I will have to try to convert the neighbour's kids to Soldiers for Christ. Their parents will one day thank me for making it possible for them to get blown apart fighting the evil heathens in the Middle East.

[Happy Christian]

Re: Saved at last!

You made a typographical error. Please tell me exactly where in the bible it says that such an error makes you "saved"?

Regarding the beating, perhaps you need to do some repenting, learning and clean living before you start to consider disciplining others? You are not a shining example to her, are you?

Brother Crump, one does not question the LORD's ways! I know that I was saved that instant, and I will joyfully and loudly proclaim what the LORD has done!

Regarding the beating, I fear you are right. Disciplining her could lead to serious injury (to me).

[Nathaniel Crump]

Re: Saved at last!

Brother Crump, one does not question the LORD's ways! I know that I was saved that instant, and I will joyfully and loudly proclaim what the LORD has done!

Regarding the beating, I fear you are right. Disciplining her could lead to serious injury (to me).

I am not questioning the Lord's ways, am I? The ways I am questioning are yours. If I had a dime for every time a sinner bumped on his head and thought he was saved I would be a rich man.

1 Peter 5:6 - Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time:

[autobiostimulation]

Re: Saved at last!

Hello Happy Brother,
Welcome to Landoverbapist.

I think it was just a mistake that u are here. We all know that "to error is human"

[John North]

Re: Saved at last!

Welcome Brother Happy

It was a miracle of the Lord that I found this place. I was trying to log onto a porn site, it was dark, I was drunk, and a typographical "error" brought me here.
Brother Happy.

Out of curiosity, which was the site you really tried to enter? The thought of a pornographic site just a couple of keystrokes away from our Godly forum, is terrifying to say the least. Surely, this sword swings both ways and we would not like any True Christians with a predisposition for making typo’s ending up on a God mocking site containing nudity and sexual activities. Please provide me with the address so I can take appropriate action.

[Happy Christian]

Re: Saved at last!

...........The thought of a pornographic site just a couple of keystrokes away from our Godly forum, is terrifying to say the least. ...... Please provide me with the address so I can take appropriate action.

Appropriate action would seem to be called for. If you are prepared to take the matter in hand, that would be good. I sincerely hope you can pull it off.

Also, in my first post in this blessed place, I listed all the ungodly scum I used to associate with: musicians, actors, liberals, jews, negroes, asians etc.

I omitted to mention that a number of these people, both men and women, were practising homosexualists. I am worried that I may have been infected, that there may be an evil little faggot germ in my system, waiting to take over my brain and cause me to commit unspeakable unnatural acts in public toilets with other men, and then set out to rape as many children as I can.

Guidance would be appreciated here, brothers and sisters. I can't sleep anymore from worrying about this.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Saved at last!

Why so happy? Doesn't every day you're still not in Heaven not just annoy you?

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Saved at last!

However, back to the subject of my wife. I know the good book says that a woman should be silent, that the man should be the head of the household. My dilemma, caused by my ignorance of scripture and theology, is that I have no idea what chastisement is good in the eyes of God.

Should I smite her like unto the Amalekites and sow salt on the remains, or should I just ask her nicely to be obedient and subservient?

Maybe you should read the Bible and learn what it means to be a Christian, and ask your wife to do the same.

If she refuses to become a Christian, you are enabled to divorce her.

Guidance would be appreciated here, brothers and sisters. I can't sleep anymore from worrying about this.

<-- read it!

The best way, I've found, to read the Bible is to sit down with a little notepad. Each Bible story you read, write down what happened, who did what, who was favored by God, and why. What does the story tell you about God? Whom does He love? What makes Him love someone?

By the time you finish Genesis, you will have a whole different image of God than the supermarket fluffy bunny hippie version you've been sold!