I'm Trying

[Carl the wop]

Re: I'm Trying

Wow, If I get nothing faith based out of this, at least I'll have a source of entertainment. You guys are hilarious! Who do I write the check out to?

The only thing I find hilarious is the smell of your roasting flesh in the fires of hell, "friend". I hope you like yourself extra crispy.

[Cathy B.]

Re: I'm Trying

Would you be prepared to keep house in The Ozarks, Missouri?

YBIC

I will pray about this.

[Matthew Hopkins]

Re: I'm Trying

With your permission, I'd like to laminate this list and put it up in my classroom (changing "these instructions" to "obey every command the Lord has laid out in the Holy Bible," and "your entire family" to include "even your little baby sister")



I'd like to use this as the heading over my chalkboard so the children see it each and every day, and can ponder the choice they have before them. I'll have the children draw some pictures to accompany them. I find that having the children draw these kinds of scenes helps them to recall the facts later in life.

Deaner, the Holy Spirit has moved through me like a wildfire with your words. I have not only sold my car (I received a lovely thank you card and stick of gum from Miss Cookie in the church office, thank you!), but I have decided to sell my home, as humble as it is, and sublet a room to rent with the elderly sisters on the west side of town. Some townfolk say they are a little crazy, but I don't mind cats, even dozens of them. And I can get used to the smell. I don't think they are witches like people say because they always come to church services on Sunday and sing along, even if they are completely tone deaf and one of them is regular deaf so sings long after everyone else is done.

I have also sold my clothes, keeping just three outfits - one to wear, one to wash, one to dry in the closet. I've sold my jewelry already. The little golden teddy bear earrings were hard to part with, being they were a 13th birthday present from my father, but the Lord's work is far more important than any sentimental tokens I may have. Besides, in Heaven, I'll have all the gold teddy-bear earrings a gal could want.

God revealed to me in a dream the other night that He has a particular man in mind for me to marry, someone who will be pious enough to recognize the value of living in a room to rent so that all extra money can go to charity (ie, Landover Baptist Church). So I would only say to OnTheFence to trust God, and by that I mean trust His authority on Earth (like Landover Baptist Church pastors and staff), and you will be heartily rewarded!

Would you be prepared to keep house in The Ozarks, Missouri?

YBIC

[Cathy B.]

Re: I'm Trying

F = Forget yourself and your own selfish needs.
A= Arrogance is nothing but greediness.
I= Idiots only will not follow these instructions
T= Time and Jesus will wipe away all tears
H= Hell awaits your entire family if you do not follow these instructions.

With your permission, I'd like to laminate this list and put it up in my classroom (changing "these instructions" to "obey every command the Lord has laid out in the Holy Bible," and "your entire family" to include "even your little baby sister")

Do you want to see your babies being anally raped by demons as they are being roasted like pigs over a barbque? I didn't think so.

I'd like to use this as the heading over my chalkboard so the children see it each and every day, and can ponder the choice they have before them. I'll have the children draw some pictures to accompany them. I find that having the children draw these kinds of scenes helps them to recall the facts later in life.

Deaner, the Holy Spirit has moved through me like a wildfire with your words. I have not only sold my car (I received a lovely thank you card and stick of gum from Miss Cookie in the church office, thank you!), but I have decided to sell my home, as humble as it is, and sublet a room to rent with the elderly sisters on the west side of town. Some townfolk say they are a little crazy, but I don't mind cats, even dozens of them. And I can get used to the smell. I don't think they are witches like people say because they always come to church services on Sunday and sing along, even if they are completely tone deaf and one of them is regular deaf so sings long after everyone else is done.

I have also sold my clothes, keeping just three outfits - one to wear, one to wash, one to dry in the closet. I've sold my jewelry already. The little golden teddy bear earrings were hard to part with, being they were a 13th birthday present from my father, but the Lord's work is far more important than any sentimental tokens I may have. Besides, in Heaven, I'll have all the gold teddy-bear earrings a gal could want.

God revealed to me in a dream the other night that He has a particular man in mind for me to marry, someone who will be pious enough to recognize the value of living in a room to rent so that all extra money can go to charity (ie, Landover Baptist Church). So I would only say to OnTheFence to trust God, and by that I mean trust His authority on Earth (like Landover Baptist Church pastors and staff), and you will be heartily rewarded!

[Pastor Ed Lowman]

Re: I'm Trying

Hi everyone,

I am an early thirties father of two. I've been happily married for 7 years. I grew up in a catholic household and decided by age ten that it wasn't for me. Seeing my parents struggling financially just to keep a roof over my head and listening to the church deacon explain how this was the time to dig deep and increase their tithe just put a bad taste in my mouth. Increase! That's a lot of unfair pressure.

I went through the motions to keep my family from becoming upset, but I have harbored much anger towards religion as a result. I am trying hard not to let my past influence my beliefs, but it's very difficult.

I also am a very logical thinker and have a tough time reconciling some of the bible's stories with my own common sense.

My noob questions are: How can I get past my previous hatred for religion as a whole so I can fully and honestly accept Jesus? And how can I learn to accept the bible as fact since it flies in the face of everything I have been taught to be true?

God's ways are not man's ways, son (Isaiah 55:8-9). What makes you a "very logical thinker" in man's eyes makes you a blithering idiot in God's eyes (see I Timothy 6:20).

And is it really that much harder to believe that God one day decided to create everything that we behold as opposed to everything just popping into existence from nothing?? That is sheer stupidity, friend. If we can't explain it, then God did it!

Surely you can learn to readjust your brain to agree with what is written in God's blessed 2,000-year-old Book.

YiC,

Pastor Ed

[James Hutchins]

Re: I'm Trying

Yopu think loving God is funny? What kind of a sick pervert are you?
You can write a check to Jesus but I doubt it will be any good.

[OnTheFence]

Re: I'm Trying

Wow, If I get nothing faith based out of this, at least I'll have a source of entertainment. You guys are hilarious! Who do I write the check out to?

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: I'm Trying

father of two. I've been happily married for 7 years.

How can a 7 year marriage that resulted in only 2 children be happy!?

You need this: Cranky Old Man's Easy 8 Step Guide to MAKING CHILDREN!

[Deaner]

Re: I'm Trying

My noob questions are: How can I get past my previous hatred for religion as a whole so I can fully and honestly accept Jesus? And how can I learn to accept the bible as fact since it flies in the face of everything I have been taught to be true?

The answers to your questions are very simple, it is satan talking to you that is making things difficult.

The King James Version of the Bible is 100% true and accurate to the last letter. You must accept this through faith. What is so hard to believe about a talking donkey when you are dealing with God??

Your second problem seems to be about giving money when you have none. If you don't have enough to give to those snivelling wop catlicks you will not make it with our church either; we expect twice as much.

Sell your house and move to a tent. Take your children out of school and send them to work. If you don't already have two jobs then get a second one. God does not reward laziness.

Is their a food bank in your neighbourhood? Use it. Stop getting haircuts. Quit buying soap, toothpaste or deodarant. Every cent you have turn it over to Landover. Again you must have Faith that God will take care of you.

F = Forget yourself and your own selfish needs.
A= Arrogance is nothing but greediness.
I= Idiots only will not follow these instructions
T= Time and Jesus will wipe away all tears
H= Hell awaits your entire family if you do not follow these instructions.

Do you want to see your babies being anally raped by demons as they are being roasted like pigs over a barbque? I didn't think so.

As you can see this all adds up to "FAITH".

Jesus loves you friend. Return the favor.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: I'm Trying

Hi everyone,

I am an early thirties father of two. I've been happily married for 7 years. I grew up in a catholic household and decided by age ten that it wasn't for me. Seeing my parents struggling financially just to keep a roof over my head and listening to the church deacon explain how this was the time to dig deep and increase their tithe just put a bad taste in my mouth. Increase! That's a lot of unfair pressure.

I went through the motions to keep my family from becoming upset, but I have harbored much anger towards religion as a result. I am trying hard not to let my past influence my beliefs, but it's very difficult.

I also am a very logical thinker and have a tough time reconciling some of the bible's stories with my own common sense.

My noob questions are: How can I get past my previous hatred for religion as a whole so I can fully and honestly accept Jesus? And how can I learn to accept the bible as fact since it flies in the face of everything I have been taught to be true?

What is your name, and why are you here?

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: I'm Trying

Hi everyone,

I am an early thirties father of two. I've been happily married for 7 years. I grew up in a catholic household and decided by age ten that it wasn't for me. Seeing my parents struggling financially just to keep a roof over my head and listening to the church deacon explain how this was the time to dig deep and increase their tithe just put a bad taste in my mouth. Increase! That's a lot of unfair pressure.

I went through the motions to keep my family from becoming upset, but I have harbored much anger towards religion as a result. I am trying hard not to let my past influence my beliefs, but it's very difficult.

I also am a very logical thinker and have a tough time reconciling some of the bible's stories with my own common sense.

My noob questions are: How can I get past my previous hatred for religion as a whole so I can fully and honestly accept Jesus? And how can I learn to accept the bible as fact since it flies in the face of everything I have been taught to be true?

I concur with brother Zechariah. You MUST read the Bible to get a full appreciation for God's sense of justice. If you have not done this, then it is no wonder you are such a tightwad. At least you did not give more to the decadent Catholic Church, when you should have been tithing 30% of your earnings to Landover Baptist that whole time. You did save the backpayments that you owe us, didn't you?

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: I'm Trying

Hi everyone,

I am an early thirties father of two. I've been happily married for 7 years. I grew up in a catholic household and decided by age ten that it wasn't for me. Seeing my parents struggling financially just to keep a roof over my head and listening to the church deacon explain how this was the time to dig deep and increase their tithe just put a bad taste in my mouth. Increase! That's a lot of unfair pressure.

I went through the motions to keep my family from becoming upset, but I have harbored much anger towards religion as a result. I am trying hard not to let my past influence my beliefs, but it's very difficult.

I also am a very logical thinker and have a tough time reconciling some of the bible's stories with my own common sense.

My noob questions are: How can I get past my previous hatred for religion as a whole so I can fully and honestly accept Jesus? And how can I learn to accept the bible as fact since it flies in the face of everything I have been taught to be true?

This is the catalyst for all of your problems. The papists teach their cult members all kinds of nonsense, like: Mary will listen to their prayers (hello? she'd dead!), crackers turn into meat, the "pope" is closer to God than they are, etc. etc.

Get a KJV Bible and start at Genesis 1:1 and end at Revelation 22:21.

SKIP NOTHING.

I did exactly that when I was 17, and it changed my life forever!



Yours in Christ,

Z. Smyth

[OnTheFence]

Hi everyone,

I am an early thirties father of two. I've been happily married for 7 years. I grew up in a catholic household and decided by age ten that it wasn't for me. Seeing my parents struggling financially just to keep a roof over my head and listening to the church deacon explain how this was the time to dig deep and increase their tithe just put a bad taste in my mouth. Increase! That's a lot of unfair pressure.

I went through the motions to keep my family from becoming upset, but I have harbored much anger towards religion as a result. I am trying hard not to let my past influence my beliefs, but it's very difficult.

I also am a very logical thinker and have a tough time reconciling some of the bible's stories with my own common sense.

My noob questions are: How can I get past my previous hatred for religion as a whole so I can fully and honestly accept Jesus? And how can I learn to accept the bible as fact since it flies in the face of everything I have been taught to be true?