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  • #1

    Introductions

    Good Evening to all and what a breath of fresh air my time browsing this forum has been.

    After the vulgar display of Satan's grip this past election, I have been seeking a place for like minded followers of God and his eternal TRUTH. Please allow me to introduce myself. I am Jacob Johnson. I and my wife currently live in Abilene, KS. Inspired by my best friend and savior Jesus Christ, I am a humble carpenter and family man. We firmly believe in following the teachings of the true Holy Bible as it was written and as such we also are a blessed Quiver full family.

    As the Lord God has taught us in Psalms 127:3-5: Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.

    Currently my family is searching a new church to attend. We previously attended what I had hoped to be a place of worship for the True God. What we found instead was a shameful display of faggot lovers and hypocrites! Satan may have his grasp on the weak and wicked but not on this man's family! In my desperation I prayed for a community of True Christians and was brought by His Hand to the blessed people of this forum. Praise the Lord!

    My favorite passage from the Holy Bible... well that is easy. Deuteronomy 28:1-2. What more needs to be said? God has given us all we need to live and has plainly instructed us on His path. By living through the words of the True Bible, we shall receive the Lord's blessings. I don't know about you my brothers and sisters, but that is all this man needed to know to put him on the path of righteousness.

    Now I am not ashamed to admit that in the past I was lost and sinful. I was ignorant and blind to the truth. My heart was empty and I fell in with fornicators, liars, and those who I now know to be communists and devil worshipers. In my darkest hour I was guided to the True Bible and laid eyes on the words of the Lord God and his son Jesus Christ. I was filled with His presence. My joy was almost painful!

    Thank you for the opportunity to join in this community of enlightenment.

    God Bless and good night.
    Tags: None
  • #2
    Re: Introductions

    Welcome friend. If you can afford to tithe heavily, and I mean heavily, then this may be the church for you!

    Remember, Jesus took a poor woman's last two mites without apology, and despite the fact that He had miraculous powers. He could have fed that woman with a snap of His fingers. Instead He took everything she had. We must follow the teachings of Jesus and give to those who are richer than us. Remember, we got our money from the rich in the first place, for doing a job that they could easily have done themselves. So we really don't deserve the things we have. It all belongs to the rich. See Mark 12:42-44
    The Only Real Climate Change Will be Hell!

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    • #3
      Re: Introductions

      A cautious welcome to you, Jacob. Thank you for posting a proper introduction.

      Now, let's talk about that quiver full of children you have! I only have 4, but sadly just one son (although with a houseful of womenfolk, there is always plenty of good food to go around).

      We want to get to know you!

      Yours in Christ,

      Z. Smyth
      sigpic

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: Introductions

        Welcome to our friendly forums! You'll not find a community more devoted to spreading the majesty and glory of the LORD, and the Holy Bible than Landover Baptist Church Forum!
        Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

        Comment

        • #5
          Re: Introductions

          Welcome to God's favorite forum. Most churches are nothing but cesspools for queers and false Christians. Ours isn't.

          If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

          If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

          You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

          Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.
          Who Will Jesus Damn?

          Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

          Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

          Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

          Comment

          • #6
            Re: Introductions

            My heartfelt thank you for the warm welcomes.

            Originally posted by Billy Bob Jenkins View Post
            Welcome friend. If you can afford to tithe heavily, and I mean heavily, then this may be the church for you!
            Thank you brother Billy Bob and Amen for that. It is my duty to The Lord to give in his name all that I have and all that I am.


            Originally posted by Zechariah Smyth View Post
            Now, let's talk about that quiver full of children you have! I only have 4, but sadly just one son (although with a houseful of womenfolk, there is always plenty of good food to go around).
            That is most unfortunate to be blessed with only one son, however, I can only imagine how wonderfully clean and organized your house must be with all those good women to tend to you!

            As The Lord wishes we will continue to bring more believers of the Truth to this world of sin. I have been blessed with 5 healthy sons and one daughter, well on her way to good wife training by her dutiful mother. Brother, you almost make me jealous of how relaxing and well fed your household must be! My wife carries our 7th now. Praise the Lord!

            God Bless and thank you again for such welcoming replies.

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: Introductions

              Originally posted by Jacob Johnson View Post
              My heartfelt thank you for the warm welcomes.



              Thank you brother Billy Bob and Amen for that. It is my duty to The Lord to give in his name all that I have and all that I am.




              That is most unfortunate to be blessed with only one son, however, I can only imagine how wonderfully clean and organized your house must be with all those good women to tend to you!

              As The Lord wishes we will continue to bring more believers of the Truth to this world of sin. I have been blessed with 5 healthy sons and one daughter, well on her way to good wife training by her dutiful mother. Brother, you almost make me jealous of how relaxing and well fed your household must be! My wife carries our 7th now. Praise the Lord!

              God Bless and thank you again for such welcoming replies.
              Brother Jacob. Are you aware that your wife is posting on this forum?

              If not I would suggest that you sneak up on her and pop her one right in the kisser. Then explain to her that she must obey you in all things.

              Genesis 3:16
              Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.
              Isaiah 66:15

              For behold, the Lord wil come with fire, and with his charets like a whirlewinde, to render his anger with furie, and his rebuke with flames of fire.

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