I'm a Master Baiter for Jesus. Are you?

[Johnson.MasterBaiter]

Greetings.

My name is Johnson. I'm a fisherman. My job on the boat is to bait the nets. The crew says that I'm the best baiter in the fleet. My secret: I say a prayer every time I bait the nets. John 21:6. "Show me Jesus what you showed to Peter, Thomas and Nathaniel." We catch so much fish. The crew gives me all the credit, but I must declare that I'm a master baiter for my LORD JESUS CHRIST!!!!

When I'm in port, I attend the First Baptist Church.

How did I find Jesus? As I stated before, I come from a long line of baiters. We always read the KJV bible as a family. And my favorite verse, which has always been the family favorite Matthew 4:19. It has always applied to my life, and my desire to become a street preacher for Landover Baptist Church!!!

Without bait one doesn't catch fish. Become a fellow Master Baiter for Jesus!!!

YIC
Johnson

[Alterboy]

Re: I'm a Master Baiter for Jesus. Are you?

What bait do you use? Is it Biblically approved? Are you baptised? When did you become saved? What Church do you attend?

[Johnson.MasterBaiter]

Re: I'm a Master Baiter for Jesus. Are you?

1. We use only Biblically approved bait. No shell fish. Leviticus 11:12. We use any fish that was not sold at market; with a prayer said over it of course.

2. I was baptized as a small child. I have grown up to fear the lord. Proverbs 9:10

3. I attend the First Baptist Church.

[Professor Bessemer]

Re: I'm a Master Baiter for Jesus. Are you?

1. We use only Biblically approved bait. No shell fish. Leviticus 11:12. We use any fish that was not sold at market; with a prayer said over it of course.

2. I was baptized as a small child. I have grown up to fear the lord. Proverbs 9:10

3. I attend the First Baptist Church.

Welcome to our forums friend. Your touching feelings of love for Jesus are a breath of fresh air from the usual batch of overly obvious jokes we usually get here. Most of our new members try way too hard to impress us with their wit.

We would much rather hear how The Lord has touched you and how He has made your life better. Do you have any children? Has your wife given you any sons?

[BelieverInGod]

Re: I'm a Master Baiter for Jesus. Are you?

Bait the nets?

[Professor Bessemer]

Re: I'm a Master Baiter for Jesus. Are you?

Bait the nets?

Perhaps our new friend is an Oriental tuna fisherman?

By the 1930s, tuna sushi was commonplace in Japan. After World War II Japanese fishermen needed more fish to eat and to export for European and U.S. canning industries. They expanded their range and perfected industrial long-lining, a practice that employs thousands of baited hooks on miles-long nets. In the 1970s Japanese manufacturers developed lightweight, high-strength polymers that were spun into drift nets.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: I'm a Master Baiter for Jesus. Are you?

Hello Johnson, I like to bait in the figurative sense. That is to say, I enjoy going into Web forums and baiting liberal Democrats. It's so easy to make them mad!

[Alterboy]

Re: I'm a Master Baiter for Jesus. Are you?

Hello Johnson, I like to bait in the figurative sense. That is to say, I enjoy going into Web forums and baiting liberal Democrats. It's so easy to make them mad!

Brother Machine, this is my guilty pleasure too.

[Johnson.MasterBaiter]

Re: I'm a Master Baiter for Jesus. Are you?

Bait the nets?

Yes, Sister Believer.

We always bait the nets. The ocean is a big place, and we need to give the fish a reason to swim into them. Nets are actually a series of hooks placed evenly apart with some heavenly bait placed on them.

YIC

Johnson

[Dr. Isaiah Jones]

Re: I'm a Master Baiter for Jesus. Are you?

Hello and welcome to our friendly forum! You seem like a nice Christian lad. Why don't you tell us a bit more about your relationship with Jesus?

[Johnson.MasterBaiter]

Re: I'm a Master Baiter for Jesus. Are you?

Welcome to our forums friend. Your touching feelings of love for Jesus are a breath of fresh air from the usual batch of overly obvious jokes we usually get here. Most of our new members try way too hard to impress us with their wit.

We would much rather hear how The Lord has touched you and how He has made your life better. Do you have any children? Has your wife given you any sons?

Brother Professor Bessemer,

Thank you for you words of encouragement.

I favorite hymn is "What a Friend We Have in Jesus" because my own life tragically mirrors that of the hymn's author, Joseph M. Scriven. I have been married three times, and each time tragedy has struck my family. My first wife was named Cookie. She gave me two sons Peter and Willy. However, during childbirth to Willy, God called her home.

My second wife I met at the local GOP fundraiser. The keynote speaker was a distant relative of former President George W Bush. Her name was Candy. She gave me one son. We named him Dick, after the greatest vice-president in history. However, she contacted leprosy. Following the Bible, we did what it says to do. But unfortunately, our minister only sprinkled the blood six times instead of seven. Leviticus 14:16. I guess God was angry about this, and struck her down.

Finally, while on an expedition to South America. I had a vision of the Lord. He instructed me much like Hosea. Hosea 1:2. In the market, I met a woman who called herself "Cherry Popper." But she later revealed her true name to be "Flor." (Spanish for Flower.) Under the guidance of Jesus, she renounced her whoring ways. Soon she gave me a son. However, he was very weak, and we prayed to God. After many struggles, God soon made him strong. Getting inspiration from Numbers 21:9, and how we wanted him to be very big, we named him Anaconda.

However, tragedy soon struck again. We had two men on the ship who were prone to buggery. However, because we must respect the laws of man, we could not do as in Jonah 1:12. So we experienced God's fierce judgment. The boat sank. Many lives were lost as many seamen were spilled into the sea. Also, the sinking claimed the life of my precious wife Flor.

So now I am a widower caring for 4 strong boys: Peter, Willy, Dick and Anaconda.

And Jesus has touched my life because through all the tragedy, I have never lost faith.

Please sing this with me.

What a friend we have in Jesus,
All our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
Everything to God in prayer!
Oh, what peace we often forfeit,
Oh, what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer!

Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged—
Take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful,
Who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness;
Take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy-laden,
Cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge—
Take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?
Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In His arms He’ll take and shield thee,
Thou wilt find a solace there.

Blessed Savior, Thou hast promised
Thou wilt all our burdens bear;
May we ever, Lord, be bringing
All to Thee in earnest prayer.
Soon in glory bright, unclouded,
There will be no need for prayer—
Rapture, praise, and endless worship
Will be our sweet portion there.

YIC

Johnson

[Johnson.MasterBaiter]

Re: I'm a Master Baiter for Jesus. Are you?

Hello Johnson, I like to bait in the figurative sense. That is to say, I enjoy going into Web forums and baiting liberal Democrats. It's so easy to make them mad!

Brother Machine,

It is so easy. Their morality is so relative. It is so easy to rebuke them. 2 Timothy 3:16

YIC

Johnson

[Professor Bessemer]

Re: I'm a Master Baiter for Jesus. Are you?

Brother Professor Bessemer,

Thank you for you words of encouragement.

I favorite hymn is "What a Friend We Have in Jesus" because my own life tragically mirrors that of the hymn's author, Joseph M. Scriven. I have been married three times, and each time tragedy has struck my family. My first wife was named Cookie. She gave me two sons Peter and Willy. However, during childbirth to Willy, God called her home.

My second wife I met at the local GOP fundraiser. The keynote speaker was a distant relative of former President George W Bush. Her name was Candy. She gave me one son. We named him Dick, after the greatest vice-president in history. However, she contacted leprosy. Following the Bible, we did what it says to do. But unfortunately, our minister only sprinkled the blood six times instead of seven. Leviticus 14:16. I guess God was angry about this, and struck her down.

Finally, while on an expedition to South America. I had a vision of the Lord. He instructed me much like Hosea. Hosea 1:2. In the market, I met a woman who called herself "Cherry Popper." But she later revealed her true name to be "Flor." (Spanish for Flower.) Under the guidance of Jesus, she renounced her whoring ways. Soon she gave me a son. However, he was very weak, and we prayed to God. After many struggles, God soon made him strong. Getting inspiration from Numbers 21:9, and how we wanted him to be very big, we named him Anaconda.

However, tragedy soon struck again. We had two men on the ship who were prone to buggery. However, because we must respect the laws of man, we could not do as in Jonah 1:12. So we experienced God's fierce judgment. The boat sank. Many lives were lost as many seamen were spilled into the sea. Also, the sinking claimed the life of my precious wife Flor.

So now I am a widower caring for 4 strong boys: Peter, Willy, Dick and Anaconda.

And Jesus has touched my life because through all the tragedy, I have never lost faith.

Please sing this with me.

What a friend we have in Jesus,
All our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
Everything to God in prayer!
Oh, what peace we often forfeit,
Oh, what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer!

Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged—
Take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful,
Who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness;
Take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy-laden,
Cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge—
Take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?
Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In His arms He’ll take and shield thee,
Thou wilt find a solace there.

Blessed Savior, Thou hast promised
Thou wilt all our burdens bear;
May we ever, Lord, be bringing
All to Thee in earnest prayer.
Soon in glory bright, unclouded,
There will be no need for prayer—
Rapture, praise, and endless worship
Will be our sweet portion there.

YIC

Johnson

Brother, The Lord has certainly tested you, but through it, your faith has endured. I myself endured the tortures of the damned in my previous life as a disgusting sodomite.

If I had a nickel for every load of hot, sticky manseed I either swallowed or received into my colon, I would be a slightly richer man than I am today, since I am fairly rich already and nickels are only worth five cents, so even a million nickels only adds up to $50,000.00. And even though I was an extremely slutty homo who would jump on any erection placed before me, I seriously doubt that I anally and orally serviced anywhere near a million well endowed queers, but you get my point.

[Johnson.MasterBaiter]

Re: I'm a Master Baiter for Jesus. Are you?

Brother, The Lord has certainly tested you, but through it, your faith has endured. I myself endured the tortures of the damned in my previous life as a disgusting sodomite.

If I had a nickel for every load of hot, sticky manseed I either swallowed or received into my colon, I would be a slightly richer man than I am today, since I am fairly rich already and nickels are only worth five cents, so even a million nickels only adds up to $50,000.00. And even though I was an extremely slutty homo who would jump on any erection placed before me, I seriously doubt that I anally and orally serviced anywhere near a million well endowed queers, but you get my point.

Brother Professor Bessemer,

I though my trials were difficult, but I can see your trials were much more difficult. Being cured from a mental disorder like buggery must have been very painful. We need more ex-gays like you to stand up and proclaim that this evil disorder can be cured!!!!!

I will pray for you. Psalms 23:4. I pray that God's rod and staff will protect you.

YIC

Johnson