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  • Griffon
    Unsaved trash, scottish heathen
    • Jun 2013
    • 3

    #1

    Hello

    I am disabled and unable to leave the house most of the time. I have had run ins so to speak with local churches that have no use for me due to the fact that I am not able to give them money. Your site seemed different. I have some knowledge of the scriptures from reading the Bible and I have accepted Christ as my savior, but I am far from having everything figured out.
  • Irinka the repentant jewess
    Forum Member
    Forum Member
    • Oct 2012
    • 359

    #2
    Re: Hello

    Originally posted by Griffon View Post
    I am disabled and unable to leave the house most of the time. I have had run ins so to speak with local churches that have no use for me due to the fact that I am not able to give them money. Your site seemed different. I have some knowledge of the scriptures from reading the Bible and I have accepted Christ as my savior, but I am far from having everything figured out.
    Hello, Griffon,
    What is your favorite Bible verse and what moves your heart most about our sweet Lord Jesus? What exactly is your disability? Is it temporary or permanent?
    Joshua 1:6: "Bee strong, and of a good courage: for vnto this people shalt thou diuide for an inheritance the land which I sware vnto their fathers to giue them".

    Comment

    • Pastor Ezekiel
      Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
       
      • Sep 2006
      • 78556

      #3
      Re: Hello

      So you're a cripple, huh? Are you a retard too? Do you have one of those little monkeys to type for you? Who cleans their crap up? I've always wondered that.

      If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

      If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

      You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

      Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.
      Who Will Jesus Damn?

      Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

      Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

      Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

      Comment

      • Mary Thompson
        True Christian Lady™, Certified Best Friend of Jesus
        True Christian™
        • Mar 2013
        • 653

        #4
        Re: Hello

        What sin did you or your parents or grandparents etc do to make you a cripple? And as Pastor Ezekiel mentioned above me are you a retard too? Because you didn't follow the instructions at the top of the page. And does your disability prevent you from praying?
        Thinking of Abortion?
        That fetus will be in Hell, because they never had a chance to repent their sinful ways (Psalms 51:5) (1 Kings 8:46)
        Think of the children. Stop being a slut.

        Comment

        • Faith_Machine
          Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
          True Christian™
          • Mar 2011
          • 10050

          #5
          Re: Hello

          Hello Griffon, how do you feel about gun control? I've always thought that if I were crippled, I'd feel like half a man, but people would have to respect me if I carried a gun!
          WARNING:
          In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
          REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

          Comment

          • Des
            True Christian™
            True Christian™
            • Jun 2013
            • 2718

            #6
            Re: Hello

            Originally posted by Faith_Machine View Post
            Hello Griffon, how do you feel about gun control? I've always thought that if I were crippled, I'd feel like half a man, but people would have to respect me if I carried a gun!
            Amen! I would want a pair of machine guns mounted on the front of my wheelchair, and maybe a flamethrower on the back. Would make me feel like less of a gimp. You have to think about protection when you go through life in a sitting position and all those gay crotches are right at head level.
            Psalm 137:9 Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.

            Comment

            • Jo Freddie
              Unsaved trash
              Hateful God mocking pirate
              • Apr 2009
              • 6339

              #7
              Re: Hello

              Originally posted by Griffon View Post
              I am disabled and unable to leave the house most of the time. I have had run ins so to speak with local churches that have no use for me due to the fact that I am not able to give them money. Your site seemed different.
              Not sure what gave you that idea, unfortunately LBC is NOT disabled friendly.

              If you don't have any money to give them you are not going to get much support from them.
              Posted via Pasta

              True Pastafarian™

              May my Sauce be with you!
              Read the TRUE Gospel The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (ISBN 978-0-00-723160-7)
              Get one and get with The Flying Spaghetti Monster
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              Comment

              • Des
                True Christian™
                True Christian™
                • Jun 2013
                • 2718

                #8
                Re: Hello

                Originally posted by Jo Freddie View Post
                Not sure what gave you that idea, unfortunately LBC is NOT disabled friendly.

                If you don't have any money to give them you are not going to get much support from them.
                I can't speak for LBC, but this is certainly not true of me. This man was just last night in my prayers. "Dear Merciful Lord," I prayed. "Please make those repulsive gimps go away along with all the other undesirables."
                Psalm 137:9 Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.

                Comment

                • MitzaLizalor
                  Completely CRAZY for the Lord
                  True Christian™
                  • Sep 2010
                  • 14601

                  #9
                  Re: Hello

                  Originally posted by Jo Freddie View Post
                  Not sure what gave you that idea, unfortunately LBC is NOT disabled friendly.

                  If you don't have any money to give them you are not going to get much support from them.
                  The cynicism of the atheist spaghetti worshipper. Questions of money simply do not arise.

                  No disabled person is permitted in the Congregation of The Lord. Whatever congregation you've been associated with is therefore not of The Lord. How, therefore, could you ever have heard The Good News? How could you ever have made a commitment to Christ?
                  ROMANS 10
                  13
                  For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
                  14 How then shall they call on him in whom they have not believed? and how shall they believe in him of whom they have not heard? and how shall they hear without a preacher?
                  15 And how shall they preach, except they be sent? as it is written, How beautiful are the feet of them that preach the gospel of peace, and bring glad tidings of good things!
                  16 But they have not all obeyed the gospel. For Esaias saith, Lord, who hath believed our report?
                  17 So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.

                  KJV

                  Comment

                  • WWJDnow
                    True Christian™
                    True Christian™
                    • Aug 2009
                    • 6314

                    #10
                    Re: Hello

                    Originally posted by Griffon View Post
                    I have some knowledge of the scriptures from reading the Bible and I have accepted Christ as my savior, but I am far from having everything figured out.
                    Hello, Griffon. If you have accepted Christ as your savior, then what more is there to figure out, other than how to get off your butt and find a job so you can join a respectable church?

                    Originally posted by Jo Freddie View Post
                    If you don't have any money to give them you are not going to get much support from them.
                    That's not true. Sure, worship and Christian fellowship activities at Landover Baptist Church are open only to tithing members in good standing. But we will pray for Griffon. What could be more valuable than that?
                    The Christian Right: The Only Right Way to Be a Christian!

                    Comment

                    • MitzaLizalor
                      Completely CRAZY for the Lord
                      True Christian™
                      • Sep 2010
                      • 14601

                      #11
                      Re: Hello

                      Originally posted by WWJDnow View Post
                      Originally Posted by Griffon
                      I have some knowledge of the scriptures from reading the Bible and I have accepted Christ as my savior, but I am far from having everything figured out.
                      Hello, Griffon. If you have accepted Christ as your savior, then what more is there to figure out, other than how to get off your butt and find a job so you can join a respectable church?

                      Originally Posted by Jo Freddie
                      If you don't have any money to give them you are not going to get much support from them.
                      That's not true. Sure, worship and Christian fellowship activities at Landover Baptist Church are open only to tithing members in good standing. But we will pray for Griffon. What could be more valuable than that?
                      Thank you for reminding me of the immense value of prayer Mr Dnow. The Bible describes the heathen mercenary so well, and what a contrast to the Godly standard upheld by our Pastors (and the deaconess). This morning I'm reading James, a lovely book, and am up to chapter 5.

                      JAMES 5
                      14
                      Is any sick among you? let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord:
                      15 And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up; and if he have committed sins, they shall be forgiven him.
                      16 Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed.
                      The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.
                      KJV . whole chapter


                      I must have many faults, perhaps many I have not even thought of yet and I was wondering who would be a suitable person to enquire as to my status in this respect? Is confession done publicly or in private? I don't think I've had any effectual fervent prayer of righteous men done over me for some time (if at all) and am anxious that I might've forgotton to mention some detail to Jesus, thereby missing out on Heaven and despite my best intentions wind up in HELL FOREVER.

                      Comment

                      • Jo Freddie
                        Unsaved trash
                        Hateful God mocking pirate
                        • Apr 2009
                        • 6339

                        #12
                        Re: Hello

                        Originally posted by WWJDnow View Post
                        But we will pray for Griffon. What could be more valuable than that?
                        Once he has made the "appropriate donation"
                        Posted via Pasta

                        True Pastafarian™

                        May my Sauce be with you!
                        Read the TRUE Gospel The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (ISBN 978-0-00-723160-7)
                        Get one and get with The Flying Spaghetti Monster
                        The Loose Canon - HTML version
                        Loose Canon Fan Page
                        North American? Speak English? Thank a Pirate.
                        I have been to The Volcano!

                        Comment

                        • Faith_Machine
                          Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
                          True Christian™
                          • Mar 2011
                          • 10050

                          #13
                          Re: Hello

                          I'm tired of people claiming the Landover Baptist Church doesn't treat crippled people well. Anybody making that claim obviously hasn't been to the main cathedral in Freehold and seen how the parking lot across the street has that wonderful Jumbotron video screen set up so the cripples can watch Pastor Zeke's sermons just like regular people.

                          The church even sends people around to their cars so they can offer tithes without getting up.

                          Ooh, sorry, I guess "getting up" was a bad word choice.

                          I mean to say they don't have to get out of their cars, because somebody will come right up to their window to collect the tithes.
                          WARNING:
                          In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
                          REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

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