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  • Charlie O'Hairupmyass
    Unsaved Trash, degenerate godmocker
    • Jul 2013
    • 3
    #1

    Hello Landover

    Hello True Christians,

    My name is Charlie and I realize I'm nothing but a low life scumbag & a unsaved piece of trash. I want to become friends with Jesus and was hoping to start here. Any advice is welcome and appreciated.


    Charlie
    Tags: None
    • Mary Etheldreda
      Gushing for Jesus
       
      • Sep 2011
      • 23775
      #2
      Re: Hello Landover

      Well hello, and welcome! You seem ever so sincere in your goals to recognize your need for a Savior! Tell me, have you read the Holy Bible yet? If so, what has been your very favorite part so far?
      Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

        Comment

        • Pastor Ezekiel
          Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
           
          • Sep 2006
          • 78555
          #3
          Re: Hello Landover

          Dear troll;

          If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

          If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

          You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

          Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.

          YIC,

          --Pastor Ezekiel
          Who Will Jesus Damn?

          Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

          Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

          Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

            Comment

            • Zechariah Smyth
              Walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless.
              True Christian™
              • Feb 2011
              • 15251
              #4
              Re: Hello Landover

              "O'Hair" ???



              Are you a hippie or a paddy?

              Yours in Christ,

              Z. Smyth
              sigpic

                Comment

                • Jack O'fagan
                  With faith as immovable as the Earth
                  True Christian™
                  • Feb 2011
                  • 4836
                  #5
                  Re: Hello Landover

                  Or related to that demon infested whore bitch Madalyn Murray O'Hair?

                  Take God out of schools and don't be surprised when He isn't there to protect the children when the bullets start flying.

                  She has a lot of blood on her hands

                  Romans 10:13 For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.

                  YIC

                  Jack
                  Genesis 22:2 And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of.

                  sigpic

                  I know God wouldn't let me believe in Him if He didn't exist.

                    Comment

                    • WWJDnow
                      True Christian™
                      True Christian™
                      • Aug 2009
                      • 6312
                      #6
                      Re: Hello Landover

                      Hi, Charlie. Welcome to Landover!

                      Tell us some more about your depravity and unworthiness. Jesus loves that kind of self-reflection, and so do we!
                      The Christian Right: The Only Right Way to Be a Christian!

                        Comment

                        • Charlie O'Hairupmyass
                          Unsaved Trash, degenerate godmocker
                          • Jul 2013
                          • 3
                          #7
                          Re: Hello Landover

                          Thank you for the warm welcome.

                          Mary, I'm reading my bible now. I'm still in Genesis learning the truth about how the earth really started just a few thousand years ago.

                          Pastor Ezekiel, You are correct sir, I'm nothing but a troll. The devil has invaded my soul and refuses to leave. I'm sure a good man like you(with the lords help of course) can help me rid this evil.

                          Zechariah Smyth-My last name is O'Hair because that slut of a mother I had married a nasty piece of crap Irish Paddy and took his last name. I am ashamed.

                          And Jack O'Fagan- Why do you have the word "fag" in your name. Are you one? Your making us people with names starting with O' sound like queers and we all know they need to die.

                          WWJDnow- Too much depravity and unworthiness to tell you about. But I do consistently lust for Sara Palin. Does that count?

                          I realize it will take time and much work to flush all the sin out of this body of mine but with the good lords help, anything is possible.

                            Comment

                            • Jack O'fagan
                              With faith as immovable as the Earth
                              True Christian™
                              • Feb 2011
                              • 4836
                              #8
                              Re: Hello Landover

                              The reason my name has fag in it is because that is my name and that I how it spelt. Why the homo fixation?


                              YIC

                              Jack
                              Genesis 22:2 And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of.

                              sigpic

                              I know God wouldn't let me believe in Him if He didn't exist.

                                Comment

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