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  • Beets Flavin
    Confirmed Enemy of God
    • Aug 2013
    • 12
    #1

    I love you.

    It took me a long time to find the thread starter button and now the boneless ribs are exploding in the microwave. I would like to introduce myself, as I am and always shall be. I am known to friend and idiots as BVeets Flavin, and my name is a cure known only to my close associates.

    I welcome your comments, and questions about my introduction which may seem mysterious to you simple advocates of the demon. I was raised in the First United Methodist Church, and currently I attend the Grand Fellowship of the Pastor in Arlington, Texas. My favorite Bible verse is Acts, Chapter Nine, Verse Five, and I found Jesus while digging around in my garden trying to catch a garter snake so I could freak out my wife, who so far has bored me with a daughter and delighted me with a son named Jacob.
    Tags: None
    • Donovan A. Mordecai
      True Christian™, Ex-Sand Nigra
      True Christian™
      • Jul 2013
      • 763
      #2
      Re: I love you.

      Originally posted by Beets Flavin View Post
      It took me a long time to find the thread starter button and now the boneless ribs are exploding in the microwave. I would like to introduce myself, as I am and always shall be. I am known to friend and idiots as BVeets Flavin, and my name is a cure known only to my close associates.

      I welcome your comments, and questions about my introduction which may seem mysterious to you simple advocates of the demon. I was raised in the First United Methodist Church, and currently I attend the Grand Fellowship of the Pastor in Arlington, Texas. My favorite Bible verse is Acts, Chapter Nine, Verse Five, and I found Jesus while digging around in my garden trying to catch a garter snake so I could freak out my wife, who so far has bored me with a daughter and delighted me with a son named Jacob.

      So what's your favorite bible verse, and why do you wish to blaspheme God on His Favorite Forum? Why do you insult us when we have done nothing against you?

      YiC
      DAM
      Psalm 137:8-9 O daughter of Babylon, who art to be destroyed; happy shall he be, that rewardeth thee as thou hast served us.
      Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.


      sigpic

        Comment

        • Beets Flavin
          Confirmed Enemy of God
          • Aug 2013
          • 12
          #3
          Re: I love you.

          I have taken pains to insult no person, and checked to make sure that my favorite bible verse was more or less correct or at least appropriate in the sixteen hundreds.

          My child, if I have beckoned to offend thee, it was in haste and with doubt. My love is with you and you alone.

            Comment

            • Donovan A. Mordecai
              True Christian™, Ex-Sand Nigra
              True Christian™
              • Jul 2013
              • 763
              #4
              Re: I love you.

              I welcome your comments, and questions about my introduction which may seem mysterious to you simple advocates of the demon.
              not offensive, huh?
              Psalm 137:8-9 O daughter of Babylon, who art to be destroyed; happy shall he be, that rewardeth thee as thou hast served us.
              Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.


              sigpic

                Comment

                • Pastor Ezekiel
                  Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                   
                  • Sep 2006
                  • 78556
                  #5
                  Re: I love you.

                  I don't trust a man who calls himself after such a nasty root, the color of satan's butt. I demand to know who you are, how old you are, and what is the name of your Pastor.

                  If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

                  If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

                  You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

                  Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.
                  Who Will Jesus Damn?

                  Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                  Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                  Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                    Comment

                    • Irinka the repentant jewess
                      Forum Member
                      Forum Member
                      • Oct 2012
                      • 359
                      #6
                      Re: I love you.

                      Originally posted by Beets Flavin View Post
                      It took me a long time to find the thread starter button and now the boneless ribs are exploding in the microwave. I would like to introduce myself, as I am and always shall be. I am known to friend and idiots as BVeets Flavin, and my name is a cure known only to my close associates.

                      I welcome your comments, and questions about my introduction which may seem mysterious to you simple advocates of the demon. I was raised in the First United Methodist Church, and currently I attend the Grand Fellowship of the Pastor in Arlington, Texas. My favorite Bible verse is Acts, Chapter Nine, Verse Five, and I found Jesus while digging around in my garden trying to catch a garter snake so I could freak out my wife, who so far has bored me with a daughter and delighted me with a son named Jacob.
                      If you have a wife, why do you cook ribs in the microwave? That is gross. You make no sense: on one hand, you want to make yourself sound like God (looks like blasphemy to me), on the other hand, you cannot find the thread starter button? Odd. Matthew 5:37.
                      Joshua 1:6: "Bee strong, and of a good courage: for vnto this people shalt thou diuide for an inheritance the land which I sware vnto their fathers to giue them".

                        Comment

                        • Faith_Machine
                          Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
                          True Christian™
                          • Mar 2011
                          • 10050
                          #7
                          Re: I love you.

                          Beets Flavin, huh? I suppose you're one of those rapper DJ types?

                          WARNING:
                          In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
                          REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

                            Comment

                            • Beets Flavin
                              Confirmed Enemy of God
                              • Aug 2013
                              • 12
                              #8
                              Re: I love you.

                              Originally posted by Irinka the repentant jewess View Post
                              If you have a wife, why do you cook ribs in the microwave? That is gross. You make no sense: on one hand, you want to make yourself sound like God (looks like blasphemy to me), on the other hand, you cannot find the thread starter button? Odd. Matthew 5:37.
                              This is why you are alone, Irinka. You must accept your position adjacent to the microwave, and if you want to understand the blessing I can help you out. It is clear to me that you are not familiar with books. Or as you call them in your sleep, boooks. And that is okay, I may be able to help, and I love you.

                                Comment

                                • Didymus Much
                                  Unsaved trash, Arrogant Atheist Dick
                                  • Jun 2010
                                  • 14079
                                  #9
                                  Re: I love you.

                                  Originally posted by Beets Flavin View Post
                                  ...your position adjacent to the microwave...
                                  I'm pretty sure stuff that goes "ding" when it's ready is not a sweet savour unto the Lord.

                                    Comment

                                    • Beets Flavin
                                      Confirmed Enemy of God
                                      • Aug 2013
                                      • 12
                                      #10
                                      Re: I love you.

                                      Originally posted by Didymus Much View Post
                                      I'm pretty sure stuff that goes "ding" when it's ready is not a sweet savour unto the Lord.
                                      Nor is an olive ready until it has been fermented to remove the sour taste of the insolent tongue of the tree.

                                        Comment

                                        • Irinka the repentant jewess
                                          Forum Member
                                          Forum Member
                                          • Oct 2012
                                          • 359
                                          #11
                                          Re: I love you.

                                          Originally posted by Beets Flavin View Post
                                          This is why you are alone, Irinka. You must accept your position adjacent to the microwave, and if you want to understand the blessing I can help you out. It is clear to me that you are not familiar with books. Or as you call them in your sleep, boooks. And that is okay, I may be able to help, and I love you.
                                          I am not alone, friend . I am happily married and have children. Sometimes I long for some "alone" time. As far as microwaves are concerned, I prefer my stove and oven, as they cook the food instead of nuking it and killing all the nutirients like microwaves do.
                                          Joshua 1:6: "Bee strong, and of a good courage: for vnto this people shalt thou diuide for an inheritance the land which I sware vnto their fathers to giue them".

                                            Comment

                                            • Levi Jones
                                              Pastor of Hermeneutics and Apologetics
                                              Bathed in Christ's Precious Blood
                                              Apostle to the Cactuses, Tumbleweeds and Jackrabbits
                                               
                                              • Jul 2009
                                              • 13930
                                              #12
                                              Re: I love you.

                                              Originally posted by Beets Flavin View Post
                                              I attend the Grand Fellowship of the Pastor in Arlington, Texas.
                                              What sort of church is that? There are much better churches in godly Arlington!

                                              That sounds like some demon possessed gibberish speaking Pentecostal or Charismatic place.

                                              Originally posted by Beets Flavin View Post
                                              My favorite Bible verse is Acts, Chapter Nine, Verse Five,
                                              That is actually a pretty good verse.

                                              And he said, Who art thou, Lord? And the Lord said, I am Jesus whom thou persecutest: it is hard for thee to kick against the pricks.
                                              Christians are superior because we possess an understanding that unbelievers lack. It is through the Power of Jesus only the converted mind is able to understand what is going on in the world; what the Communists are really up to; what Satan's intentions are. Most unbelievers do not even believe in Satan and cannot understand his tactics.

                                                Comment

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