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  • Colin Cameron
    Unsaved trash, gay euro soccer fan
    • Jun 2010
    • 69
    #1

    A born again poster

    Hello Dear Friends,

    Apologies for posting here but as I have returned after abstaining for so long I thought t would be appropriate to re-introduce myself.

    In the days gone by, I was a poster in turmoil. I was confused; I knew Jesus would love me if I stopped bumming men whilst cheering soccer players on but continued to indulge in football buggery instead.

    Now I have changed. I have removed my testicles, thanks to an Welsh farmer by the name of Bryn and no longer have unnatural thoughts of soccer players in tight shorts.

    My time away from the forum has been used productively. After my castration I have dedicated at least 10 hours per day towards prayer (as masturbation is no longer on the agenda) and helping old Christian ladies teabagging.

    My favourite passage from the Bible is Titus 1:8 But a lover of hospitality, a lover of good men, sober, just, holy, temperate;

    I hope the Pastors can help me continue my more righteous path and I will be welcoming questions.

    Colin Cameron
    Tags: None
    • Pim Pendergast
      PHD - Theophysicist
      Saving The Lost With The Truth Of Applied Theoscience
      True Christian™
      • Jun 2012
      • 3103
      #2
      Re: A born again poster

      Welcome back, Cameron! What church do you go to now? When was the exact moment you found Jesus? Now that you've cast off the shackles of homosexuality, have you married?
      sigpicMt 21:42, 44 Jesus saith unto them, Did ye never read in the scriptures, The stone which the builders rejected, the same is become the head of the corner: this is the Lord's doing, and it is marvellous in our eyes . . . ? And whosoever shall fall on this stone shall be broken: but on whomsoever it shall fall, it will grind him to powder.

      Find out what the Bible says about: Fortnite: Battle Royale, asexuality, shaving, psychiatry, chronic fatigue syndrome, babies

        Comment

        • Colin Cameron
          Unsaved trash, gay euro soccer fan
          • Jun 2010
          • 69
          #3
          Re: A born again poster

          I have yet to marry unfortunately. I met a good Christian girl once but it was not meant to be. Her father demanded to inspect my testicles and anus after discovering my past sins. As I was a giver rather than a taker my anus passed the Potential Suitor Test, but my lack of balls ensured that there would be no more Solders of Christ on that score. I tried to explain that I have frozen sperm before the operation, but he accused me of masturbation to which I had no reply. I was heart broken to say the least.

            Comment

            • Mark L. Snyde, PhD
              True Christian™
              True Christian™
              • Nov 2013
              • 1284
              #4
              Re: A born again poster

              Welcome back, Colon!

              Let the Elders of the Church anoint your testicular affliction with oil:

              James 5:14 - Is any sick among you? let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord
              sigpic

              I Kings 7:23

              And he made a moulten Sea, ten cubites from the one brim to the other: it was round all about, & his height was fiue cubits: and a line of thirtie cubites did compasse it round about.

              New here? Desiring to be pleasing in the eyes of The Lord and His Followers?

              Then do as directed by our esteemed Pastors and head on over to the Introductions subforum and make your first post there, friend. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus. Anything else you want to share with us about how Jesus has blessed you is welcomed too.

              Are you a hater of God that believes He is a morally bankrupt monster? Read Why, you ask, is God so angry? to see that it is in fact you that is the monster that mercilessly and infinitely torments God.

              Stop this relentless torturing of God and accept Jesus today!

                Comment

                • Dr. Anthony J. Toole
                  An old soul
                  True Christian™
                  • Aug 2013
                  • 4920
                  #5
                  Re: A born again poster

                  Originally posted by Mark L. Snyde, PhD View Post
                  Welcome back, Colon!

                  Let the Elders of the Church anoint your testicular affliction with oil:

                  James 5:14 - Is any sick among you? let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord
                  Sensible advice, brother. Also I would recommend a scrotal suction pump and weekly sessions under the guidance of a qualified chiropractor. The testicles are soft tissue and usually grow back bigger than before, depending on the how hard you are prepared to work for it. I've seen miracles in my office.
                  If I have seen further, it is by standing on the heads of others.

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