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  • ilovelordjc
    Unsaved trash
    • Sep 2012
    • 13

    #1

    Hello

    Hello Landover Baptist Church forum! My name is Stevie and I live in Australia. I have been advised to join this website by a girl called Emma who claims that i'm currently a sinner and if i don't change my ways I will go straight to hell. I hope you can give me some insight as to whether I am going to hell or not and if it's possible to change if I am.

    My favourite bible verse is Romans 8:28, what's yours?
  • Faith_Machine
    Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
    True Christian™
    • Mar 2011
    • 10050

    #2
    Re: Hello

    Emma is a wonderful lass with a bright future in the Lord ahead of her. What is your name, and what are your favorite sins to commit? I hope you didn't register here just to curry favor with Emma so you can get into her pants. She's not that kind of girl.
    WARNING:
    In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
    REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

    Comment

    • ilovelordjc
      Unsaved trash
      • Sep 2012
      • 13

      #3
      Re: Hello

      Originally posted by Faith_Machine View Post
      Emma is a wonderful lass with a bright future in the Lord ahead of her. What is your name, and what are your favorite sins to commit? I hope you didn't register here just to curry favor with Emma so you can get into her pants. She's not that kind of girl.
      My name is Stevie. According to Emma, the sins that I commit are lustfully looking at men and listening to inappropriate music.

      Comment

      • Wide-Open
        Director of European Evangelical Outreach
        A Shining Example of Christ's Love
        Quite possibly the only decent, heterosexual human being in the whole of Europe
        True Christian™
        • Nov 2007
        • 18449

        #4
        Re: Hello

        Originally posted by ilovelordjc View Post
        lustfully looking at men and listening to inappropriate music.
        Just for the record: were you giggling when you typed this?
        Psalm 81:10:
        I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt:
        open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.

        Comment

        • ilovelordjc
          Unsaved trash
          • Sep 2012
          • 13

          #5
          Re: Hello

          Originally posted by Wide-Open View Post
          Just for the record: were you giggling when you typed this?
          Are they not considered to be sins? I'm trying as hard as i can to get into heaven, can someone please tell me if i'm doing the right thing?

          Comment

          • Dr Laurence Niles
            Psychotheological Analyst Therapist
             
            • Jan 2012
            • 9063

            #6
            Re: Hello

            Originally posted by ilovelordjc View Post
            Are they not considered to be sins? I'm trying as hard as i can to get into heaven, can someone please tell me if i'm doing the right thing?
            Young lady if you behave like a whore you will have nobody to blame but your self.

            God bless.
            1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

            Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.

            Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

            Comment

            • ilovelordjc
              Unsaved trash
              • Sep 2012
              • 13

              #7
              Re: Hello

              Originally posted by Dr Laurence Niles View Post
              Young lady if you behave like a whore you will have nobody to blame but your self.

              God bless.
              I'm very sorry, I will change my ways. Will you wonderful God worshipers be able to help me on this journey?

              Comment

              • Faith_Machine
                Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
                True Christian™
                • Mar 2011
                • 10050

                #8
                Re: Hello

                Stevie, are you a man or a woman? Either way, looking at men in a lustful fashion is very bad.
                WARNING:
                In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
                REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

                Comment

                • ilovelordjc
                  Unsaved trash
                  • Sep 2012
                  • 13

                  #9
                  Re: Hello

                  Originally posted by Faith_Machine View Post
                  Stevie, are you a man or a woman? Either way, looking at men in a lustful fashion is very bad.
                  I am a woman. My Mother named me Stevie after the singer.

                  Comment

                  • Dr Laurence Niles
                    Psychotheological Analyst Therapist
                     
                    • Jan 2012
                    • 9063

                    #10
                    Re: Hello

                    Originally posted by ilovelordjc View Post
                    I am a woman. My Mother named me Stevie after the singer.
                    Stevie Wonder? That's just bizarre.

                    YIC
                    1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

                    Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.

                    Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

                    Comment

                    • ilovelordjc
                      Unsaved trash
                      • Sep 2012
                      • 13

                      #11
                      Re: Hello

                      Originally posted by Dr Laurence Niles View Post
                      Stevie Wonder? That's just bizarre.

                      YIC
                      No No, Stevie Nicks from Fleetwood Mac!

                      Comment

                      • Wide-Open
                        Director of European Evangelical Outreach
                        A Shining Example of Christ's Love
                        Quite possibly the only decent, heterosexual human being in the whole of Europe
                        True Christian™
                        • Nov 2007
                        • 18449

                        #12
                        Re: Hello

                        Originally posted by ilovelordjc View Post
                        No No, Stevie Nicks from Fleetwood Mac!
                        Who? Is that a Scottish death metal band?
                        Psalm 81:10:
                        I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt:
                        open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.

                        Comment

                        • ilovelordjc
                          Unsaved trash
                          • Sep 2012
                          • 13

                          #13
                          Re: Hello

                          Originally posted by Wide-Open View Post
                          Who? Is that a Scottish death metal band?
                          Are you not aware of Stevie Nicks?
                          Here is a song she wrote for Fleetwood Mac

                          Comment

                          • crescendo
                            Unsaved trash
                            Under Investigation
                            • Dec 2013
                            • 5

                            #14
                            Re: Hello

                            Originally posted by ilovelordjc View Post
                            Hello Landover Baptist Church forum! My name is Stevie and I live in Australia. I have been advised to join this website by a girl called Emma who claims that i'm currently a sinner and if i don't change my ways I will go straight to hell. I hope you can give me some insight as to whether I am going to hell or not and if it's possible to change if I am.

                            My favourite bible verse is Romans 8:28, what's yours?
                            Stevie, how lovely to see you on here!

                            The members of this forum really are delightful - if your ungodly habits are not too repulsive, I am positive that they will help you realise the consequences of your sins and help you devote your life to God.

                            At present, you have a one-way ticket to eternal damnation. Doesn't spending eternity in the heavens sound a lot better instead?

                            As I have told you before; in order to become a woman of God, you must no longer listen to those horrid satan-worshipping bands. Incinerate CD's, posters, artwork and anything else you may have. It would also be wise to discard your iPod. Secondly, you are a WOMAN for gosh sake. You must be submissive to your father, mother and to a MALE partner approved by your father (yes that's right, choosing to be a bi-sexual means an eternity in hell). Abandon your harlot ways straight away. Once you do this, we may actually have something to work with.

                            I hope you can one day join us. You are in my prayers, Stevie.

                            Comment

                            • Faith_Machine
                              Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
                              True Christian™
                              • Mar 2011
                              • 10050

                              #15
                              Re: Hello

                              Originally posted by crescendo View Post
                              Incinerate CD's, posters, artwork and anything else you may have.
                              This is great advice, Steve! Just be careful about burning things when there are liberals around; they may attempt to brand you as a gross polluter and charge you a carbon tax. Trust me, you don't want to become the victim of an Al Gore-style shakedown!
                              WARNING:
                              In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
                              REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

                              Comment

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