Hello, Big Beautiful Baptists!

[Ex-Primordial Dwarf]

Hi,

I came here to share my testimony, learn more about the Bible, and rub shoulders with the cream of Christ's crop, the giants among men...the True Christians.

Please don't mistake me for a flatterer, I mean every word of it.

I am currently unemployed, and technically homeless. But because of my small stature, I am blessed to be able to squeeze into small places...like the ventilation shafts here at the elementary school.

It is hard, even for a reformed primordial dwarf, to find meaningful employment, or housing with decent amenities. Do you know how many times I've nearly drowned in the swimming pools you big people call toilets? Fourteen times!!! And twice I was nearly flushed!

So, I've been blessed to eek out a living here at the school, finding what sustainance I can after hours in the cafeteria and teacher's lounge. The most awesome thing is the computer lab...they have a real snappy internet connection. Thank God I'm not a pervert anymore...a less moral ex-dwarf could spend many hours downloading the foulest pornography if he were inclined to...which I'm not!

I have not been to any physical church in my life, but I have come to know Jesus through countless internet searches on the subject, and I constantly feel His glory beaming at me through the PC monitor. He is my king, and I am his humble plaything. I am not dwarfed in His presence, but ride high upon His broad, muscular shoulders, my arms raised to Heaven in rapture!!!!!

My favorite Bible verses are Matthew 18:3 and Matthew 18:10, for obvious reasons.

Bbl, I think I hear foot steps! God bless!

[Pim Pendergast]

Re: Hello, Big Beautiful Baptists!

Welcome to God's favorite forum, Mr Dwarf! What do you mean by "ex-primordial"? Have you asked God to heal you of your lack of stature? If you confess your sins and pray in faith, God can stretch you out a bit (Jas 5:16; Mk 11:24).

[Mother Of Seven]

Re: Hello, Big Beautiful Baptists!

Why don't you get a job? I'm sure there's plenty of places that would like someone who could squeeze into small spaces. Cops, CIA & other crime gangs.
Why don't you go to a church?

[Attila's Wife]

Re: Hello, Big Beautiful Baptists!

Your use of the word primordial sounds suspiciously like a reference to evilution, my little short one. Do not think that your lack of stature will enable you to slip one past us there!

(Brothers and Sisters, I hope this is not Sister Midge's lesbian stalker back in yet another guise?)

[Mother Of Seven]

Re: Hello, Big Beautiful Baptists!

I don't think so Mrs Hun. This one is at least blessed with a fervid imagination.

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Hello, Big Beautiful Baptists!

Welcome to our forums, friend! I do hope you don't have that kind of insolent attitude that seems to be common to midgets.

Our dear Midge Murphy was humble enough to accept her role in God's Judgement and dutifully confessed her sins and was miraculously healed! Praise God! I pray the same outcome for you, and have the utmost faith it will come to pass if you are sincerely sorry for having offended God and being generally a despicable person without Christ.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Hello, Big Beautiful Baptists!

What could be more useless than a hobo dwarf?

[Mother Of Seven]

Re: Hello, Big Beautiful Baptists!

It's possible he could be useful in Freehold, checking out what some of the youngsters are up to, given that he can get into places that no one else can.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Hello, Big Beautiful Baptists!

Hello EPD, you must witness a lot of sin while you're sneaking around that school. I hope there's some way for you to notify the parents!

[Ex-Primordial Dwarf]

Re: Hello, Big Beautiful Baptists!

Hello EPD, you must witness a lot of sin while you're sneaking around that school. I hope there's some way for you to notify the parents!

It's mainly the janitors, sir. You'd be shocked how much salad can be seen being tossed from the grate above the boiler room. It is impossible not to watch, transfixed in hypnagogic horror, but how can I properly pray for them if I don't know their sin?

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: Hello, Big Beautiful Baptists!

It's possible he could be useful in Freehold, checking out what some of the youngsters are up to, given that he can get into places that no one else can.

That's one possibility Sister, I've also heard of dwarfs being employed as air duct cleaners.

Employment opportunities are somewhat limited, and Hellywood isn't going to re-make the Wizard of Oz anytime soon (let alone they've been criticized for dwarfsploitation). Even Disney chose the animate the midgets in Snow White, and there has been some controversy in Hellywood recently about a "Snow White" movie where there was a threat of protest with a 100 midget march for not using real dwarfs.

Miley Cyrus has been twerking with some German dwarfs recently, but I guess you would need to speak German.

Miley Cyrus dances with twerking dwarf during performance on German TV show
The 'We Can't Stop' singer is out to top her last shocking performance by ditching the latex and foam finger for a band of little people.
By Zayda Rivera / NEW YORK DAILY NEWS

http://www.nydailynews.com/entertain...icle-1.1449870

[Baxter Gladwell III]

Re: Hello, Big Beautiful Baptists!

But because of my small stature, I am blessed to be able to squeeze into small places...like the ventilation shafts here at the elementary school.

As followers of Christ, keeping His statutes is of UTMOST IMPORTANCE. As such, I sincerely hope and fervently pray that you do not try to squeeze your way into any sanctuaries. God hates that!

Leviticus 21:16-23
16 And the Lord spake unto Moses, saying,
17 Speak unto Aaron, saying, Whosoever he be of thy seed in their generations that hath any blemish, let him not approach to offer the bread of his God.
18 For whatsoever man he be that hath a blemish, he shall not approach: a blind man, or a lame, or he that hath a flat nose, or any thing superfluous,
19 or a man that is brokenfooted, or brokenhanded,
20 or crookbackt, or a dwarf, or that hath a blemish in his eye, or be scurvy, or scabbed, or hath his stones broken;
21 no man that hath a blemish of the seed of Aaron the priest shall come nigh to offer the offerings of the Lord made by fire: he hath a blemish; he shall not come nigh to offer the bread of his God.
22 He shall eat the bread of his God, both of the most holy, and of the holy.
23 Only he shall not go in unto the vail, nor come nigh unto the altar, because he hath a blemish; that he profane not my sanctuaries: for I the Lord do sanctify them.

Fortunately, any congregation should have a special seating section for you out back by the dumpsters, along with the cripples and men with one testicle or broken feet.

[WithGodWeStand]

Re: Hello, Big Beautiful Baptists!

I think they prefer to be called little people or something. Do not know thank god I don't have that struggle.

[JustGotSaved]

Re: Hello, Big Beautiful Baptists!

Ex-primer,

You should try to find a new home that's not illegal. Perhaps you could find employment and/or a home at a circus, or even a zoo.

Once free from the school, you should hope there is a very short stature of limitations on trespassing! Until then, keep a low profile and out of sight.

But meanwhile, if you find yourself at the children's computers, continue to post from time to time so we can study pray for you.

-------------------
(I'm with you, withgodwestand, i think that would be disgusting)

[Walter Van Slyke]

Re: Hello, Big Beautiful Baptists!

It's possible he could be useful in Freehold, checking out what some of the youngsters are up to, given that he can get into places that no one else can.

That is certainly true, sister MOS. While we're on the subject, may I humbly inquire as to whether there are any other odd jobs that might need doing in Freehold and offer my services thereto. Doing the Lord's work here in Boston is frustrating as the place is crawling with espresso-swilling, Volvo-driving libtards who try to recycle everything. Although 1 Corinthians 15:58 reminds me that my work for His glory is not in vain, I long to be annointed with the hot oil of True Christian love as can only be administered by His chosen people.

Plus my previous attempts to enter the city to apply in person have resulted in embarrassment and/or car damage.

With greatest reverence,

Wally