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  • #1

    Bossomeness' Introduction

    Hey! I'm bossomeness, which is my "online name". I am a member of Simpsonville United Methodist Church, and have been all my life. I came to know God through my parents, who had me baptized at that church. I hope to be an active member in the community in the future.
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  • #2
    Re: Bossomeness' Introduction

    Originally posted by bossomeness View Post
    Hey! I'm bossomeness, which is my "online name". I am a member of Simpsonville United Methodist Church, and have been all my life. I came to know God through my parents, who had me baptized at that church. I hope to be an active member in the community in the future.
    Dear Egomaniac;

    Please give us your actual name, your gender, your age and your location. And please be advised that Methodless is not a Christian church.

    If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

    If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

    You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

    Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.


    YIC,

    --Pastor Ezekiel
    Who Will Jesus Damn?

    Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

    Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

    Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

    Comment

    • #3
      Re: Bossomeness' Introduction

      I think you've left an 'L' out of your name Miss Blossom.
      What is your favourite verse from the Bible?
      Why don't you drink?

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: Bossomeness' Introduction

        Originally posted by bossomeness View Post
        Hey! I'm bossomeness, which is my "online name". I am a member of Simpsonville United Methodist Church, and have been all my life. I came to know God through my parents, who had me baptized at that church. I hope to be an active member in the community in the future.
        Are you here to shake your dirty pillows in Baby Jesus' face? In our faces? For your information, I draw my spiritual nourishment from the wellspring of life eternal, which is the arterial spray of The Savior, not from some leathery, crusted teat. Please change your name to something more palatable, lest I become ill...

        Comment

        • #5
          Re: Bossomeness' Introduction

          I share Witch Hammer's concern. Kindly upload a profile picture so we can make sure you are dressed appropriately.
          WARNING:
          In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
          REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

          Comment

          • #6
            Re: Bossomeness' Introduction

            A 'Methodist'.

            Friend, that is saying a you are as much of a Christian as Hellburger Helper is a Porterouse. I'll pray for you friend.
            Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
            Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
            Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
            Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
            Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
            Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: Bossomeness' Introduction

              Originally posted by bossomeness View Post
              Hey! I'm bossomeness, which is my "online name". I am a member of Simpsonville United Methodist Church, and have been all my life. I came to know God through my parents, who had me baptized at that church. I hope to be an active member in the community in the future.
              Hello and welcome to the Holiest of forums.

              Do you have a bossome Bible verse for us?

              Glory to The Father!
              "Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven." (Matthew 5:16)

              "But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery." (Matthew 5:32)

              Comment

              • #8
                Re: Bossomeness' Introduction

                My Dear,


                I take it you do not mean "bosom", since we do not speak of our firm, perky melons in public. It is only acceptable in the ladies' prayer shack, where each of us describe them in great detail every day.


                (I just said that to get the men away for a bit, dear. We don't really do that, but I assure you the prayer shack just got an overload of male visitors)


                Do you have a favorite Bible verse? Please share it with us, as the instructions ask you to do. And one does not simply find Jesus because your parents brought you up in a vile, heathen cult. You may spend years in a kiln, dear, but you'll only end up burnt and not at all looking like the ceramic vase that you perhaps thought would emerge. Jesus must be invited into our lives at the moment we repent of every foul sin we have ever committed so that He can slap us silly with His Salvation. It's a good slap, dear. (God is good, all the time) I am sorry that you had to endure the scourge of methodism (I refuse to capitalize it). A methodist is the reason why I had to leave a perfectly good Christian school in my younger years. I have no doubts that JESUS will smack the - um - sheet out of that little troll from hell come the Glory. Still, you have now wandered into the safe haven that is the Baptist Church - God's FAVORITE. Hallelujah! Glory to our Savior! Were I Pentecostal, I'd surely be speaking in tongues right now.


                But I'm not, because I don't want to soil this lovely gingham dress Mother made for me when I was 19. It's still stylish, fits perfectly, and all the women were staring at it in services Sunday.


                I look forward to your friendship once you renounce your former cult and find JESUS as He is meant to be found - not through osmosis.


                In Our Lovely Lord (BLESS HIM),
                Naomi Ruth
                1 Samuel 8:13 "And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cookes, and to be bakers."
                Naomi Ruth Lamb, Proprietress:
                Naomi's Moist Pie - Unsaved Unwelcome!
                Locations in 50 States and Canada
                !Voted Best Pie in Freehold!
                Once you've tasted Naomi's pie, you'll crave it again and again and again and again.
                Baptist pastors always receive a 50% discount.

                Comment

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