[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Hi!

I am really really worried! I can't stop passing gas and it is so utterly disgusting, there must be an evil, vile demon in me! Please help! Are there any home remedies to cleanse my anus of the demon? Please!! It is constant stench in the air we have to open the doors and turn the fans on and the stench remains!

Pastor Zeke has a track record of success with rectal demons, but I suspect the size of your infestation might prove too costly to be able to afford him.

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Hi!

Yes I have my husband's permission. I used to do whatever I wanted, but now I'm learning that my husband is indeed the head of the household and I must do as he says! Can anyone here suggest a particular part of the Bible I should start reading? I find parts of Genesis to be boring but I will attempt to push through if I must...all for the GLORY of GOD! PRAISE!!

Oh friend, you don't want to skip Genesis! No way! Where else can you read about evil talking snakes, the creation of thousands of fully evolved languages in a single afternoon, a foolish woman turning into a pillar of salt just because she couldn't resist the temptation to satisfy her curiosity, a global flood that wiped out all life, and my favorite, giants on the earth!

[Freddy Osborne]

Re: Hi!

I am really really worried! I can't stop passing gas and it is so utterly disgusting, there must be an evil, vile demon in me! Please help! Are there any home remedies to cleanse my anus of the demon? Please!! It is constant stench in the air we have to open the doors and turn the fans on and the stench remains!

Welcome, er... Piggles?

Start boiling cabbage. It will cover up that odor. Maybe. It may be a good idea to eat some too.

YiC,

Fred

[piggles]

Re: Hi!

I am really really worried! I can't stop passing gas and it is so utterly disgusting, there must be an evil, vile demon in me! Please help! Are there any home remedies to cleanse my anus of the demon? Please!! It is constant stench in the air we have to open the doors and turn the fans on and the stench remains!

[piggles]

Re: Hi!

Yes I have my husband's permission. I used to do whatever I wanted, but now I'm learning that my husband is indeed the head of the household and I must do as he says! Can anyone here suggest a particular part of the Bible I should start reading? I find parts of Genesis to be boring but I will attempt to push through if I must...all for the GLORY of GOD! PRAISE!!

[Mother Of Seven]

Re: Hi!

Do you have your husband's permission to be here?

[Youth Pastor Marty]

Re: Hi!

Welcome to Landover's forum! You seem to share our loathing for the unsaved trash that pollute God's creation, and that is certainly a start in the right direction. If that is truly your picture, we only ask that if you do decide to visit our church in the flesh you'll tithe 20% as the extra room taken up on the pew would otherwise be for another True Christian giving his 10%. Glory!

[piggles]

Re: Hi!

Do you have your father's permission to be here? Or did you eat him?

Neither. Do I need his permission? I'm an adult. I learned all of my eating habits from him. He is waaaay larger than me and is still ATHEIST SCUM. I hope I can help him believe in Jesus and one day be SAVED.

And Morton,




I understand, and I love you too! I NEED to lose a LOT of weight and I WILL succeed, God willing. Please pray for me to succeed, brothers & sisters in CHRIST.

[Morton Weinstein]

Re: Hi!

Piggles,

How can I put this?

The robemakers in paradise are concerned, ma'am. They only have so much fabric.

The Lord wants us to multiply, but I don't think he meant to that extent. I have never been thin but oy! My young eyes don't need to see that - especially when we are out of bleach.

But hey - our Lord loves you - He just would love you more if you covered up a bit. Since He loves you, so do I.

nutrisystem.com
jennycraig.com
extremeliposuction.net
oops_I_swallowed_the_car.org
iwilltakeanothertwinkieplease.com

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Hi!

Do you have your father's permission to be here? Or did you eat him?

[piggles]

Re: Hi!

I'm sorry, I forgot to add my church. I do not have a church as of yet. I'm hoping that all of you on this forum, my Bible, and of course, my personal relationship with Jesus Christ can be my church. Is that acceptable?

[Morton Weinstein]

Re: Hi!

Hello Piggles.

Many times when people post that they like John 3:16 someone will post do they like John 3:18 I have it marked it says:

He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.

That means Jewish people are going to Hell even my neighbor Morty who is otherwise a very nice man I will miss him.

Thank you.

Rusty

Rusty,

I would like to also be your friend but I do not like to be called Morty. My name is Morton like the salt - but I don't melt in the rain. LOL

The way you describe things is more profound than you think. Keep being the good man that you are and you will always have many friends.

Morton

[piggles]

Re: Hi!

I am so ashamed. I went to the local buffet WITH MY BIBLE. I only meant to consume a regular sized meal, but ended up eating about 5 meals worth of food PLUS dessert. What is wrong with me? I read many posts on this forum that demons enter through the Anus. I am terrified. How do I know if I have a demon? Or is it simply that I have no will power? I need Jesus to TOUCH me! TOUCH me now please I pray to thee!


I so hope that I can one day have a daughter so that she might attend a Purity Ball. HOW WONDERFUL! Is this a true Christian event, or is it an event of a false cult? I saw this video and it seems beautiful. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dA-hF0yr3wg


Thank you for the Happy Birthday wish, it was yesterday! My first birthday being a NON ATHEIST SCUM SUCKER.



Amen.

[Russell Holbeck]

Re: Hi!

P.S. I see that you are eating a cake Happy Birthday.

[Russell Holbeck]

Re: Hi!

Hello Piggles.

Many times when people post that they like John 3:16 someone will post do they like John 3:18 I have it marked it says:

He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.

That means Jewish people are going to Hell even my neighbor Morty who is otherwise a very nice man I will miss him.

Thank you.

Rusty