[Freddy Osborne]

Re: Hi!

I am really really worried! I can't stop passing gas and it is so utterly disgusting, there must be an evil, vile demon in me! Please help! Are there any home remedies to cleanse my anus of the demon? Please!! It is constant stench in the air we have to open the doors and turn the fans on and the stench remains!

Welcome, er... Piggles?

Start boiling cabbage. It will cover up that odor. Maybe. It may be a good idea to eat some too.

YiC,

Fred

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Hi!

Yes I have my husband's permission. I used to do whatever I wanted, but now I'm learning that my husband is indeed the head of the household and I must do as he says! Can anyone here suggest a particular part of the Bible I should start reading? I find parts of Genesis to be boring but I will attempt to push through if I must...all for the GLORY of GOD! PRAISE!!

Oh friend, you don't want to skip Genesis! No way! Where else can you read about evil talking snakes, the creation of thousands of fully evolved languages in a single afternoon, a foolish woman turning into a pillar of salt just because she couldn't resist the temptation to satisfy her curiosity, a global flood that wiped out all life, and my favorite, giants on the earth!

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Hi!

I am really really worried! I can't stop passing gas and it is so utterly disgusting, there must be an evil, vile demon in me! Please help! Are there any home remedies to cleanse my anus of the demon? Please!! It is constant stench in the air we have to open the doors and turn the fans on and the stench remains!

Pastor Zeke has a track record of success with rectal demons, but I suspect the size of your infestation might prove too costly to be able to afford him.

[piggles]

Re: Hi!

Could it be that Jesus is trying to expel the demon? Maybe that's why the stench is so horrid? I hope so, otherwise my demon must be one NASTY one!

[Freddy Osborne]

Re: Hi!

Could it be that Jesus is trying to expel the demon? Maybe that's why the stench is so horrid? I hope so, otherwise my demon must be one NASTY one!

God has put stink and muumuus on people before. And unfortunately I see... I mean you appear to be relatively hairless.

Isaiah 3:24 And it shall come to passe, that in steade of sweete smell, there shall bee stinke; and in stead of a girdle, a rent; and in stead of well set haire, baldnesse; and in stead of a stomacher, a girding of sackecloth; and burning, in stead of beautie.

What could you have possibly done to anger The Lord? This much?

[alittleoutoftune]

Re: Hi!

Hi all! I am a NEW CHRISTIAN! HALLELUJAH!! I feel SO good about not being ATHEIST SCUM any longer!!!!! I do have some issues I need some help with, as I'm not so sure what the BIBLE says about certain topics, maybe some of you can help me.

I have uncontrollable urges to EAT. What does the Bible say about gluttony?

Also, the weirdest thing has developed since the day I was SAVED...is it normal to sort of "lust" for Jesus? (I am a woman, BTW). HE is just so perfect, a TRUE HERO, I can't help it. Certainly he is the "knight in shining armor" every little girl dreams of having as a future husband, truly PRINCE CHARMING. Or maybe I'm just a little too crazy? What do you think?

Thanks!!

Have you been under the impression Jesus was black like some "Christians" teach, i.e. this brothaman with killer muscles, a voice like Barry White who thinks phat stands for pretty hot and tempting? I'm just trying to put 2 and 2 together here...

[TaraAnne]

Re: Hi!

Yes I have my husband's permission. I used to do whatever I wanted, but now I'm learning that my husband is indeed the head of the household and I must do as he says! Can anyone here suggest a particular part of the Bible I should start reading? I find parts of Genesis to be boring but I will attempt to push through if I must...all for the GLORY of GOD! PRAISE!!

Dear Pig-gles,

I would like to point out that in your first post you make it clear that you are looking for a husband!

"Certainly he is the "knight in shining armor" every little girl dreams of having as a future husband, truly PRINCE CHARMING. Or maybe I'm just a little too crazy? What do you think?"


So I have a question either you had a husband then and forgot to mention it, or you are still a unrepentant lying atheist which is it??

[Mary Thompson]

Re: Hi!

You aren't going to eat Jesus, are you?
No part of the Bible is boring. Genesis, I believe, is one of the most important books of the Bible. It is an action packed, amazing historical record of the early days of Earth.
Also, remember, your body is not your own. It belongs to Jesus, and for now, your husband. Think of your poor husband having to look at you every day . I hope you can get your body attractive enough for your husband to look at you and to spit out a few babies.
God bless,
Mary Thompson.

[Attila's Wife]

Re: Hi!

I'm sorry, I forgot to add my church. I do not have a church as of yet. I'm hoping that all of you on this forum, my Bible, and of course, my personal relationship with Jesus Christ can be my church. Is that acceptable?

No. But frankly, looking at you, I am not surprised you have not found a church able to accommodate you. I showed your photo to my pastor who said even if you could squeeze through the front door, he doubted if the floorboards would take that sort of punishment.

Philippians 3:18-19 For many walk, of whom I have told you often, and now tell you even weeping, that they are the enemies of the cross of Christ: Whose end is destruction, whose God is their belly, and whose glory is in their shame, who mind earthly things.

You should be ashamed of yourself, young lady. Put that pie down right now and pick up the Holy Bible, before destroys you for your gluttony.

1 Corinthians 3:16-17 Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you? If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy; for the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are.

The Holy Bible clearly instructs me to shun you, so you will not be hearing from me again until you have mended your ways.

Proverbs 23:20-21 Be not among winebibbers; among riotous eaters of flesh: For the drunkard and the glutton shall come to poverty: and drowsiness shall clothe a man with rags.


YiC

AW

[piggles]

Re: Hi!

I have received an infarction for being dumber than a bag of hammers. I am sorry. I know I am quite ignorant. I am trying really hard to learn how to become a TRUE CHRISTIAN.

Tara-Ann, I am married but my husband is Catholic.

I had a serious conversation with him this morning. He is thinking about joining here to help guide him into being a TRUE CHRISTIAN, just as I am trying. We also discussed my weight loss and him inserting his seed into me for the purpose of birthing and raising TRUE CHRISTIANS! I will work very hard at losing my gigantic belly! PRAISE HIM!!!!!

[piggles]

Re: Hi!

I have received an infarction

Infraction, sorry, see it is true, I am dumber than a bag of hammers! Jesus LORD help me!

[Carolyn the troll]

Re: Hi!

Hello Piggles! I hope we can be friends. Also I might suggest running or maybe a stationary bike? I lost quite a bit of weight do those. Lunges are also good. Of course I went to the gym. You might want to try that.

[Mother Of Seven]

Re: Hi!

My dear, your belly looks as though it is already 18 months pregnant. Or 9 months with octuplets. Have you seen a doctor lately? If you are not pregnant, you should be praying very hard to lose that weight. Maybe your husband should padlock the kitchen when you're not preparing meals or scrubbing the floor. Actually I find scrubbing the floor on my hands and knees an excellent means of keeping the weight off. Mops are for fat slobs. Which method do you use?

[piggles]

Re: Hi!

My dear, your belly looks as though it is already 18 months pregnant. Or 9 months with octuplets. Have you seen a doctor lately? If you are not pregnant, you should be praying very hard to lose that weight. Maybe your husband should padlock the kitchen when you're not preparing meals or scrubbing the floor. Actually I find scrubbing the floor on my hands and knees an excellent means of keeping the weight off. Mops are for fat slobs. Which method do you use?

I don't mop. My husband hasn't been a very good TRUE CHRISTIAN husband, as he is CATHOLIC. But I"m trying to help him become saved through the one and only way possible! I WILL mop, though, and on my hands and knees as you suggest. Today we emptied out all of the junk food, and I counted 23 containers of cake frosting we threw in the garbage! My husband needs to put me in MY PLACE, I need him to learn the true way, through JESUS. We must be saved to get to heaven! PRAISE HIM, AMEN!!!!

[Mary Thompson]

Re: Hi!

Don't belittle your husband pig-legs! Or was it pig less? No matter, whether your husband is Saved or unsaved :superburn: and whining about him won't make him Saved. Be a good wife and do not mention anything he disagrees with, do not do any attempt to change his mind about anything because then you're uppity, after all, his Soul is more important than yours. Only in cases where his soul is already in danger are you allowed to do anything. However, if he dies and goes to hell it shall be your fault as it is always the women's fault for ruining men's souls.