Just wondering

[ilikekitties]

I don't understand how you guys can be into this. I mean, sure it'd be great to believe in the Lord Jesus Christ our savior, but.. I'm just so lazy, y'know?

Like okay, look at my situation. I'm just a young guy who knows pretty much nothing about religion. All of you guys are like masters who have seemingly memorized the KJ Bible word for word, and I know virtually nothing. Like, how many disciples did Jesus even have? 69?

I mean it's just so boring, you know? Like what am I gonna do, slap open a Bible and start reading that tiny ass font from page 1 to page 3,003,126,928? Go to church every week and sit with a bunch of old people at 8 in the morning when I should be sleeping? I have other stuff to do, like pursue a career.

Not only that, but knowledge is only one part. I'd also have to pretty much completely revamp my lifestyle. Stop banging hot broads, quit getting drunk and high, stop playing video games, change my entire music library and pretty much become a boring old ass like everyone here. I can hardly justify such a decision when I'm having such a damn good time as it is.

So I guess my question is: What is your motivation? Looking forward to hear your responses!

[Mother Of Seven]

Re: Just wondering

Kittie, Is that your name?
Memorising the KJV. Is that so hard? You memorise the songs you listen to - and you won't even remember the names of the bands in 2 years time. Which do you think is more important - the inane ramblings of some rock star or hip hop dude, or the Word of the Lord which will ensure you Salvation® for Eternity?


The Bible is not boring - it gives Meaning to your life. There are wonderful stories in there of God smoting sinners and gays. Stories about talking snakes and unicorns - all sorts of great stories. One of my favourites is about how some kids taunted a guy because he was bald. Well, God sent out 2 bears from the woods who slaughtered those 42 kids. Serves them right. You can read about it here - 2 Kings 2:23-24

23 And he went up from thence unto Beth-el: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head. 24 And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the Lord. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.

Another good one. When some guys wanted to sodomise a guest of Lot, Lot refused them (nothing worse than gays) and offered the mob his 2 virgin daughters instead. Genesis 19:5-8

5 And they called unto Lot, and said unto him, Where are the men which came in to thee this night? bring them out unto us, that we may know them. 6 And Lot went out at the door unto them, and shut the door after him, 7 And said, I pray you, brethren, do not so wickedly. 8 Behold now, I have two daughters which have not known man; let me, I pray you, bring them out unto you, and do ye to them as is good in your eyes: only unto these men do nothing; for therefore came they under the shadow of my roof

And it's not just old people in church, there are some hot young things there too. And we don't do boring things - tomorrow for instance, we have our annual stoning festival - http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=99082 Now, where else do you have the opportunity to hone your stoning skills?

[Jedediah]

Re: Just wondering

I mean, sure it'd be great to believe in the Lord Jesus Christ our savior, but.. I'm just so lazy, y'know?

Have you fully considered the consequences of disbelief?

I'm just a young guy who knows pretty much nothing about religion. All of you guys are like masters who have seemingly memorized the KJ Bible word for word, and I know virtually nothing. Like, how many disciples did Jesus even have? 69?

Twelve. And we graciously accept your surrender.

I mean it's just so boring, you know? Like what am I gonna do, slap open a Bible and start reading that tiny ass font from page 1 to page 3,003,126,928?

You can download your own copy of the KJV 1611 Holy Bible here, copy/paste it to Word, and enlarge the font to whatever font size you desire. This website even includes instructions on how to construct your very own pedestal, upon which you can print out your own copy in 48-point font, put it in a 3-ring binder, and bask in every glorious word of the Holy Bible, without even having to use your forearm muscles, which I'm sure are completely worn out from your chronic masturbation habit.

Romans 1:20
For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse:

Go to church every week and sit with a bunch of old people at 8 in the morning when I should be sleeping? I have other stuff to do, like pursue a career.

A career in what? Being a sassy-mouthed, know-it-all queer, devoid of the Holy Spirit and all that is good, and just, and holy? Perhaps God predestined you to wallow in vile affections, simply because He doesn't want you to join us in Heaven. You'd probably just queer the place up anyways.

II Thessalonians 2:11-12
And for this cause God shall send them strong delusion, that they should believe a lie:
That they all might be damned who believed not the truth, but had pleasure in unrighteousness.

Not only that, but knowledge is only one part.

"Knowledge" in what? You seem to know nothing other than what it is to wallow in estrangement from your Creator. The LORD warns explicitly against thinking for ourselves.

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart;
and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy ways acknowledge him,
and he shall direct thy paths.

I'd also have to pretty much completely revamp my lifestyle. [... tedious dribble omitted...] I can hardly justify such a decision when I'm having such a damn good time as it is.

Yuck it up while you can, sinner. You're completely blowing your one opportunity to pucker up and kiss the behind of the LORD of hosts.

Hebrews 9:27
And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment

So I guess my question is: What is your motivation? Looking forward to hear your responses!

Simple. I want to bask in the radiant glow of my Savior, , for all eternity. The only alternative is to thrash about in the lake of fire for all eternity, where your worm dieth not, being everlastingly destroyed in flame and agony, only to endure it all over again, white-hot pillars of flame jetting through your desiccated eye sockets for all eternity, yet you will. just. not. die. Ever. Can you even wrap your feeble, unsaved mind around the concept of an eternity of unfathomable, incessant torment?

If you can think of a better, or even a more likely, alternative, we're all ears. In the meantime, my family and I shall pray for you.

[Didymus Much]

Re: Just wondering

...Like, how many disciples did Jesus even have? 69?...

...Twelve. And we graciously accept your surrender...

Thirteen, actually.

Which brings up a good point here. A otherwise meaningless Bible factoid (the number of disciples including the "bad" one [who if you look at the Big Picture was only fulfilling his part in God's Grand Scheme]) has such superstition attached to it that to this day, most buildings don't have a 13th floor. And people say knowing the Bible is pointless.

If you don't know it, how do you know how it's affecting you and others?

...I mean it's just so boring, you know?...

But it's got explosions, sex, betrayal, sex, drinking, sex, lust, revenge, sex, murder, sex, world-wide catastrophe, sex, killing, sex, war, sex, more war, sex, even more war, incest, sex...

And that's just Genesis!

... Like what am I gonna do, slap open a Bible and start reading that tiny ass font from page 1 to page 3,003,126,928?...

It's about 800,000 words. That's shorter than Harry Potter. You've read that, I bet.

...I'd also have to pretty much completely revamp my lifestyle. Stop banging hot broads, quit getting drunk and high...

And you laugh at their fantasies?

[JimmiGerman]

Re: Just wondering

Mother of Seven wrote here:

The Bible is not boring - it gives Meaning to your life. There are wonderful stories in there of God smoting sinners and gays. Stories about talking snakes and unicorns - all sorts of great stories. One of my favourites is about how some kids taunted a guy because he was bald. Well, God sent out 2 bears from the woods who slaughtered those 42 kids. Serves them right. You can read about it here - 2 Kings 2:23-24

Another good one. When some guys wanted to sodomise a guest of Lot, Lot refused them (nothing worse than gays) and offered the mob his 2 virgin daughters instead. Genesis 19:5-8

My God! Talking snakes (and my girl friend fears snakes sooo much!) and unicorns (she likes them!) and horrifying killing bears and innocent daughters offered to the dreadful sodomistic mob... tell me more of these captivating stories! And I stupid idiot keep on going to study the boring Book of Mormon ... okay - it contains some interesting and brutal things, too... like the murder in first degree of Laman, done by Nephi, who is one of the heros there, and other good stories like bloody battles and homicide and punishments by the Lord and tarnations and condemnations etc. But in comparison to the Bible it seems to be rather harmless stuff.

Maybe I will change my mind very soon and purchase a new Bible, and of course the King James version, as recommended here in these forums, because I don't want to miss anything that's written in the original and seemingly only true version. And I'm sure then being inspired to become a real disciple and motivated in doing more good.

[JimmiGerman]

Re: Just wondering

Didymus Much wrote here:

But it's got explosions, sex, betrayal, sex, drinking, sex, lust, revenge, sex, murder, sex, world-wide catastrophe, sex, killing, sex, war, sex, more war, sex, even more war, incest, sex...

And that's just Genesis!

Really...? So much sex and incest... ? It better should be rated ... not suitable for teenagers.

[Mother Of Seven]

Re: Just wondering

And Kittie thinks it boring!

[Levi Jones]

Re: Just wondering

Didymus Much wrote here:

Really...? So much sex and incest... ? It better should be rated ... not suitable for teenagers.

Oh come on, now! You have to put that in the right cultural context!

I mean yeah, Abraham did marry his half sister. Genesis 20:12
And of course Lot did impregnate his daughters. Genesis 19:30-38
Jacob and Esau did marry their cousins. Genesis 24:15, Genesis 28:9
Reuben had sex with his father's concubine (mother of some of Jacob's children) Bilah. Genesis 35:22
Then, there was that time where Judah impregnated his daughter in law mistaking her for a common whore.Genesis 38:16-17 And then being the first to call for her burning alive when she came up pregnant. Genesis 38:24 Then suddenly he realized it was his baby because she was holding his staff. Then they called off the burning. Genesis 38:25-26
Moses' father Amram was married to his aunt. Exodus 6:20
And then Amnon did rape Tamar his half sister. But he did the right thing and kicked her out of the house ending that relationship. Absalom later killed him for it at a feast he held. Absalom would go on to be killed by King David in a rebellion. 2 Samuel 13

But that's totally different. It was mostly prior to the Law being given. Prior to Moses, people didn't know not to have sex with their closest of kin. They were a simple people who wrote what we believe word for word to be the truth about creation as told in Genesis.

Hallelujah!

[JimmiGerman]

Re: Just wondering

Levi Jones wrote:

Oh come on, now! You have to put that in the right cultural context!

(...)

Thanks for that clearing up! I've won a better understanding now.

PS ... your Bible-gun looks impressing...it's great... perhaps I should give the Mormons the advise making the Book of Mormon appear in the same presentation.

[ilikekitties]

Re: Just wondering

Kittie, Is that your name?
Memorising the KJV. Is that so hard? You memorise the songs you listen to.

I can memorize the lyrics to songs willy-nilly because they are in a song. If you're prepared to sing the Bible to me in a way that earns people millions of dollars each year, I will probably learn the words.

And it's not just old people in church, there are some hot young things there too. And we don't do boring things - tomorrow for instance, we have our annual stoning festival - http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=99082 Now, where else do you have the opportunity to hone your stoning skills?

If anyone hot and young goes to church, they probably won't be interested in relationships anyway because they're overly conservative and would be beaten by their controlling fathers if they had anything to do with an attractive young beast like myself.

Also, and I'm too lazy to read more than the first couple sentences in that link, but I'm assuming that stoning festival doesn't actually happen since everyone on here lives miles away from each other and physical presence isn't really a option. It must be fun to imagine though, eh? Whoo!

Have you fully considered the consequences of disbelief?

No, because too lazy. I'll deal with that in the after life, if hell is indeed real. I don't see the investment of my entire life on Earth worth it just in case it isn't.

You can download your own copy of the KJV 1611 blah blah blah chronic masturbation habit.

Did you ever tell your mother you were bored when you were a kid, and then she told gave you housework to do and you realize you were happier bored?

A career in what? Being a sassy-mouthed, know-it-all queer, devoid of the Holy Spirit and all that is good, and just, and holy? Perhaps God predestined you to wallow in vile affections, simply because He doesn't want you to join us in Heaven. You'd probably just queer the place up anyways.

It sounds like you're trying to justify your life choice internally by convincing yourself I would not be the life of the party in heaven. When in fact, everyone knows I would be

Yuck it up while you can, sinner. You're completely blowing your one opportunity to pucker up and perform oral on a male's anus.

Not interested.

Simple. I want to bask in the radiant glow of my Savior, , for all eternity.

And how do you know that's even true? What if you just die, and then you're dead? Do you believe everything you read in a book written 3,500 years ago?

[ilikekitties]

Re: Just wondering

Levi Jones wrote:

Thanks for that clearing up! I've won a better understanding now.

PS ... your Bible-gun looks impressing...it's great... perhaps I should give the Mormons the advise making the Book of Mormon appear in the same presentation.

Also, how can you guys stand this guy kissing so much ass? He obviously hasn't figured out that the only way to impress this community is to memorize all of your beliefs tirelessly and express that you know them (ie bash gays, read the King James version, make fun of other religions, etc.)

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Just wondering

Also, how can you guys stand this guy kissing so much ass? He obviously hasn't figured out that the only way to impress this community is to memorize all of your beliefs tirelessly and express that you know them (ie bash gays, read the King James version, make fun of other religions, etc.)

He's not impressing anyone, dear. And it's not this community that can grant Salvation, but the Lord alone.

[Didymus Much]

Re: Just wondering

...the only way to impress this community is to memorize all of your beliefs tirelessly and...make fun of other religions, etc.)

You're sooo close to an extremely minor moment of enlightenment.

Why not come back after you've read the Bible?