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  • Witch Hammer
    True Christian™
    True Christian™
    • Sep 2006
    • 1717

    #16
    Re: Hello

    Originally posted by XkazzoX View Post
    ...when I was on youtube.
    Looking for videos of young asian boys jumping around in their underwear? You sicken me!

    Comment

    • Thomas Helwys
      Forum Member
      Forum Member
      • Aug 2014
      • 126

      #17
      Re: Hello

      Originally posted by Witch Hammer View Post
      Looking for videos of young asian boys jumping around in their underwear? You sicken me!
      I wholeheartedly agree! Young Asian boys are the ugliest thing to look at and sure fire way to end up in the fires of hell.

      But to whatever your real Christian name is, welcome to the friendliest Church in the WORLD!! You'll find we are a warm and caring community who wants nothing but the very best for you! And that best is eternal salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ!

      And an important step is to make sure you have tithed to Landover Baptist Church. In your study of scripture remember Genesis 28:22 when Jacob gave one full tenth to the Lord and we naturally expect your offering to be joyful 2 Corinthians 9:7 "Every man according as he purposeth in his heart, so let him give; not grudgingly, or of necessity: for God loveth a cheerful giver."

      We will also need to inspect your tax returns to ensure you aren't cheating Baby Jesus and Pastor Zeke our of their well earned due! And we are now starting credit checks on all new members: someone's American Express Black Card was declined this past Sunday. (I won't mention names but they know who they are!!)
      Revelation 19:15-16 "And out of his mouth goeth a sharp sword, that with it he should smite the nations: and he shall rule them with a rod of iron: and he treadeth the winepress of the fierceness and wrath of Almighty God.And he hath on his vesture and on his thigh a name written, King Of Kings, And Lord Of Lords."

      Comment

      • XspazzboX
        Confirmed Enemy of God
        • Sep 2014
        • 56

        #18
        Re: Hello

        Originally posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey View Post
        Hello and welcome, whatever your real name is - I find it confusing when people on the internets use a name which is not their own. Lovely to meet you. Do you prefer to be called Sage or kazoo?



        If your father is an atheist and your mother is some sort of wicker-worshiper, how come you were baptized at all? Did they just do it for the party? Such hypocrisy! The CofE (English Anglicans) will accept pretty much anyone these days, probably even people called Cohen, but I didn't know this sort of liberalism had spread to Canada.

        Luke 15:7 I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine just persons, which need no repentance.

        Good luck in your search for salvation.

        Yours in Faith,
        Joanna
        It's kazzo, not kazoo. I don't really care what people call me. I just don't want to be called kazoo. I hate kazoos. I think it's a sin to play kazoos. My mom was a christian when I was baptized, but she converted to paganism because she thought Christians were hypocritical. What's wrong with my biblical surname?

        Comment

        • Mary Etheldreda
          Gushing for Jesus
           
          • Sep 2011
          • 23775

          #19
          Re: Hello

          Originally posted by XkazzoX View Post
          It's kazzo, not kazoo. I don't really care what people call me. I just don't want to be called kazoo. I hate kazoos. I think it's a sin to play kazoos. My mom was a christian when I was baptized, but she converted to paganism because she thought Christians were hypocritical. What's wrong with my biblical surname?
          "Sage" isn't a Biblical name, dear, and "Cohen" is Jewish. However, Sonseed is one of my favorite musical groups, too! So snappy! So you were raised without the knowledge of the sweet love of Jesus (your mother couldn't have really have been a Christian, you see). You poor, poor thing! I think parents who brainwash their children like that are the most abusive, evil people in the world. Why, to take the mind of a innocent child like that, and corrupt them to thinking such bizarre, blatantly untrue things, to surround them with people who encourage and reinforce this lie, is worse than any kind of torture devise the Catholics came up with back in the days of the Inquisition.
          Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

          Comment

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