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  • #1

    Hello. Blessings from Jesus Christ, the one and only.

    I hope you all are having a blessed day in (White) Jesus Christ's name.

    Just got this internet stuff out on the farm. I'm kid of new to it. Pa always told me one day the Lord would show me the world, and this is finally it!

    Howdy y'all
    Tags: None
  • #2
    Re: Hello. Blessings from Jesus Christ, the one and only.

    Hello dear, and welcome to our friendly forums.

    I'm sorry to hear about your mother. Is she secure in Jesus' Holy Bosom now? It would be a shame to know she's burning in Hell this very moment, especially knowing this is the fate of your father. Say, why not encourage your father to drop his boy-toy and find a real wife to care for him and you and your home?
    Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

    Comment

    • #3
      Re: Hello. Blessings from Jesus Christ, the one and only.

      Welcome to God's favorite forum, son. Please tell us about yourself, your church, and how you came to find Christ Jesus.

      If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

      If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

      You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

      Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.
      Who Will Jesus Damn?

      Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

      Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

      Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: Hello. Blessings from Jesus Christ, the one and only.

        Hello,

        Welcome to these forums! I have a question, why does your location say you have two pas? Do you mean your earthly father and your Heavenly Father?


        YiC,
        Elizabeth
        "Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands." Proverbs 14:1

        Comment

        • #5
          Re: Hello. Blessings from Jesus Christ, the one and only.

          Howdy YoungFarmBoy do you know anybody that grows corn who could deliver a couple of bushels here to the motel 6 in Knoxville, the one over on Cracker Barrell Lane? I'm thinking about buying the place cause it cost a billion or more dollars to buy a satellite which is the only way I can get the same television programs on my television set as they get at the motel 6 and the motel 6 already has a satellite so I guess they bought one afore the prices of satellites went up and I can buy this here motel 6 for only five million dollars so its a bargain cause I get a satellite and can watch my television set.

          Have a nice day.

          Increase Boone

          Comment

          • #6
            Re: Hello. Blessings from Jesus Christ, the one and only.

            Originally posted by Increase Boone View Post
            I'm thinking about buying the place cause it cost a billion or more dollars to buy a satellite which is the only way I can get the same television programs on my television set as they get at the motel 6 and the motel 6 already has a satellite so I guess they bought one afore the prices of satellites went up and I can buy this here motel 6 for only five million dollars so its a bargain cause I get a satellite and can watch my television set.

            Have a nice day.

            Increase Boone
            Hi Boone,

            That is a really long sentence, not longer than Ephesian 1:3-14 though. So you can't boast in and of yourself for a longer sentence. Ephesians 2:8-9.

            Enjoy!

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: Hello. Blessings from Jesus Christ, the one and only.

              Originally posted by Calvinist View Post
              ...That is a really long sentence...
              No, this is a really long sentence.

              Comment

              • #8
                Re: Hello. Blessings from Jesus Christ, the one and only.

                Originally posted by Didymus Much View Post
                No, this is a really long sentence.
                No doubt!

                Comment

                • #9
                  Re: Hello. Blessings from Jesus Christ, the one and only.

                  Originally posted by YoungFarmBoy View Post
                  I hope you all are having a blessed day in (White) Jesus Christ's name.

                  Just got this internet stuff out on the farm. I'm kid of new to it. Pa always told me one day the Lord would show me the world, and this is finally it!

                  Howdy y'all
                  Glory to God and Welcome, Farm Boy.

                  How did you find the joy and comfort that only comes when we invite the Lord Jesus into our hearts? As you study His Word, which verse reaches out and touches you until you just have to shout GLORY?

                  COME, Lord Jesus,
                  BrotherLarry
                  Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
                  “The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

                  Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
                  Amen and Amen

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    Re: Hello. Blessings from Jesus Christ, the one and only.

                    Well to be entirely honest I just recently began seeking the Lord's guidance. You all seem like you really know your stuff on here, and you share a lot of my beliefs (like rape-induced pregnancy is a gift from God).

                    I went to college and studied a lot of things like evolutionary biology, quantum physics, biochemistry, astronomy, cosmochemistry, microbiology, and even supramolecular chemistry. I learned a lot from these fields and will admit I thought I was the cat's meow. I would argue against religion until supper time if I had to. But after cracking open my first Bible I can honestly say it makes mich more sense than paleontology or things of the sort. I now realize that carbon dating is just a clever plot by Satan himself to confuse us would-be Christians into thinking the Earth is more than 6,000 years old.

                    It's so much easier to understand. I'm looking forward to learning from all of you about how I can be kept from burning in hell for the rest of eternity. Also I would like to learn enough to help save my father from the homosexual lifestyle he has chosen.

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Re: Hello. Blessings from Jesus Christ, the one and only.

                      And no Boone. I am sorry, but I can't get you any corn.


                      This is actually the story of what brings me here.


                      About a week and a half ago our crops were destroyed by what my father(s) and I thought to be extraterrestrials. All of the corn was flattened into weird circles and other shapes.


                      I was horrified as every night I saw a beam of light in the backyard and the crops get destroyed. This happened 3 nights in a row until all of our corn was ruined and the house was surrounded by these odd shapes.


                      As I sat and wondered what could be doing such a thing I realized that it is completely illogical and downright foolish to believe that there could be life outside of our own planet. How could something survive in space?!


                      So it left me with only one explanation that made any sense; God.

                      God must be trying to send a message to me.


                      He must want me to correct myself and my father's sinful ways.


                      And now I find myself here... Wishing and hoping to learn from what somebody in an AOL chatroom told me was the best place to learn (the church in the nearest town is filled with black people)

                      Comment

                      • #12
                        Re: Hello. Blessings from Jesus Christ, the one and only.

                        Originally posted by YoungFarmBoy View Post
                        Just got this internet stuff out on the farm. I'm kid of new to it. Pa always told me one day the Lord would show me the world, and this is finally it!
                        Originally posted by YoungFarmBoy View Post
                        I went to college and studied a lot of things like evolutionary biology, quantum physics, biochemistry, astronomy, cosmochemistry, microbiology, and even supramolecular chemistry.
                        Yes, dear friend, we believe you.
                        This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

                        Questions to ask liberal "Christians" ✞ Things that the Bible doesn't say ✞ Tolerance

                        sigpic

                        Comment

                        • #13
                          Re: Hello. Blessings from Jesus Christ, the one and only.

                          Originally posted by Pastor Isaac Peters View Post
                          Yes, dear friend, we believe you.

                          I read a lot of books. I've read almost all day long, everyday since I could read (age 3). My father loves books and has always had all sorts of books laying around. Some of the books are even pornographic (which is disgusting).

                          Comment

                          • #14
                            Re: Hello. Blessings from Jesus Christ, the one and only.

                            Originally posted by YoungFarmBoy View Post
                            I went to college and studied a lot of things....
                            But apparently not spelling or rudimentary sentence structure. Perhaps you studied improv and the "performing arts," and are now trying your craft in a most awkward way? It doesn't matter dear. The Lord sees and judges what you want to do even before you know you want to do it (Psalm 44:21). Perhaps you'd like to confess your sins, and start anew?
                            Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

                            Comment

                            • #15
                              Re: Hello. Blessings from Jesus Christ, the one and only.

                              I want to know how it is that a "young farm boy" has 2 fathers and no mother.

                              Have you even read the Bible, son? The Word of God can be had for free if you just visit your local Independent Baptist Church and ask the Pastor for one. Make sure you ask specifically for a KJV1611 Authorized Version Bible.

                              Also you can read one online at www.biblegateway.com. And for your assisted reading pleasure, Brother V has got a wonderful thread going HERE called "Bible in a Year."
                              Who Will Jesus Damn?

                              Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                              Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                              Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                              Comment

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