[YoungFarmBoy]

Re: Hello. Blessings from Jesus Christ, the one and only.

Well to be entirely honest I just recently began seeking the Lord's guidance. You all seem like you really know your stuff on here, and you share a lot of my beliefs (like rape-induced pregnancy is a gift from God).

I went to college and studied a lot of things like evolutionary biology, quantum physics, biochemistry, astronomy, cosmochemistry, microbiology, and even supramolecular chemistry. I learned a lot from these fields and will admit I thought I was the cat's meow. I would argue against religion until supper time if I had to. But after cracking open my first Bible I can honestly say it makes mich more sense than paleontology or things of the sort. I now realize that carbon dating is just a clever plot by Satan himself to confuse us would-be Christians into thinking the Earth is more than 6,000 years old.

It's so much easier to understand. I'm looking forward to learning from all of you about how I can be kept from burning in hell for the rest of eternity. Also I would like to learn enough to help save my father from the homosexual lifestyle he has chosen.

But apparently not spelling or rudimentary sentence structure. Perhaps you studied improv and the "performing arts," and are now trying your craft in a most awkward way? It doesn't matter dear. The Lord sees and judges what you want to do even before you know you want to do it (Psalm 44:21). Perhaps you'd like to confess your sins, and start anew?

I have sinned greatly.

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Hello. Blessings from Jesus Christ, the one and only.

I have sinned greatly.

Indeed. Now that you've acknowledged that you are a sinner, you need to confess your sins and your unconditional obedience unto . You might say whatever is on your heart, and it will count so long as it's got all the important bits and pieces that Jesus likes to hear. I'd be happy to pray with you, if you'd like:

Dear LORD,

I acknowledge that you, Jesus, are the Son of God. I believe that you were born of the Virgin Mary in a miraculous way (impregnating her with the Holy Spirit, which is You, without her knowledge or consent, or even the benefit of physical sperm, but by the very will of God, who is, amazingly, also You). I believe you died on the cross for my sins. I believe you were resurrected, floated up into the air, through the atmosphere, and straight to Heaven. I know that your divine nature means you were impervious to the physical effects of the lack of oxygen in space, that your divine body saved you from any danger of your blood boiling, your eyeballs exploding, or your lungs turning into red slush.

I admit that I was born a sinner by your design, and there is nothing I could have done to prevent it. I know I have led a life of sinning by not obeying your every command. It tears me up inside. My guilt is overwhelming.

Please forgive me.

Please change my heart so I can be a willing slave and do whatever you want me to do.

Please change my heart to want to read the Holy Bible and agree with all of it.

Be my Savior.

By my LORD and Master.

I beg you, save me from the very Hell you created for me in the beginning of time in case I didn't fear and obey you.

In Jesus' Name I pray.