X
 
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
  • ScotJim
    Unsaved trash
    Under Investigation
    • Nov 2014
    • 16

    #1

    URGENT HELP FROM TRUE CHRISTIANS NEEDED

    Tonight I have been lucky enough to find a girl in my area that too walks the true path and follows the KJV of our Lords will.

    The problem I have is she has invited me over to dinner and has asked me which dessert I would like after the meal, she has recommended her moist and juicy peach pie, but has also mentioned she has been wanting someone to try her untouched chocolate pie!! Now as I have never been with a true God fearing woman before, I have never experienced the recipe for Christian pie.

    So suggestions and experiences would help me tremendously on making sure tonight is a success and hopefully lead to the union and eventuality of finally producing many sons.

    YIC
  • Elmer G. White
    Distinguished Professor of Prayer Healing and Creation Zoology (Baraminology)
    Victim of atheist scientific persecution
     
    • Apr 2014
    • 10265

    #2
    Re: URGENT HELP FROM TRUE CHRISTIANS NEEDED

    Originally posted by ScotJim View Post
    Tonight I have been lucky enough to find a girl in my area that too walks the true path and follows the KJV of our Lords will.

    The problem I have is she has invited me over to dinner and has asked me which dessert I would like after the meal, she has recommended her moist and juicy peach pie, but has also mentioned she has been wanting someone to try her untouched chocolate pie!! Now as I have never been with a true God fearing woman before, I have never experienced the recipe for Christian pie.

    So suggestions and experiences would help me tremendously on making sure tonight is a success and hopefully lead to the union and eventuality of finally producing many sons.

    YIC

    Dear boy,

    You are young and eager. Nothing wrong with that. You are also concentrating on the actual issue, pie. The second most important issue in marriage after Jesus. A young man experiments and places high emphasis on the humidity and sweetness of the pie. And yes, it can be important for the first few months until you have your first bun in the oven.

    This will pass.

    Check the pie but remember, it is all about the rest of your life. Don't forget male companionship and bonding in mutual worship of Jesus Christ our Sweet Savior.

    It you are lucky, it will not pass.

    As for women, it is all about THIS:
    Proverbs 21:19
    It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.


    And THIS:
    Ecclesiastes 7:28
    Which yet my soul seeketh, but I find not: one man among a thousand have I found; but a woman among all those have I not found.


    Needless to say, the whole business of begetting is not what it promises to be early on. I am not ashamed to admit that the call of the wild is loud and clear... But, by all means, be young and savor the sweet taste and consistency of a fresh pie baked just for you. In the end, pecan pie does remain and it is still good.

    I really, really hope this helps. I'm also praying for you.


    Yours in Christ,

    Elmer
    2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



    PREPARE YOURSELF TO RAPTURE WITH THIS MANUAL!
    Check out our Research in Creation Science:

    Comment

    • James Hutchins
      True Christian™
      Just a Regular Nice Guy
       
      • Jun 2009
      • 29453

      #3
      Re: URGENT HELP FROM TRUE CHRISTIANS NEEDED

      We live in the USA, Gods favorite(tm) country. I say plunge in head first and eat them both. But gargle so the flavor of one does not impinge on the tartness of the other.
      Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
      Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
      Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
      Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
      Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
      Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

      Comment

      • Pastor Ezekiel
        Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
         
        • Sep 2006
        • 78555

        #4
        Re: URGENT HELP FROM TRUE CHRISTIANS NEEDED

        Originally posted by ScotJim View Post
        Tonight I have been lucky enough to find a girl in my area that too walks the true path and follows the KJV of our Lords will.

        The problem I have is she has invited me over to dinner and has asked me which dessert I would like after the meal, she has recommended her moist and juicy peach pie, but has also mentioned she has been wanting someone to try her untouched chocolate pie!! Now as I have never been with a true God fearing woman before, I have never experienced the recipe for Christian pie.

        So suggestions and experiences would help me tremendously on making sure tonight is a success and hopefully lead to the union and eventuality of finally producing many sons.

        YIC
        This is called the INTRODUCTIONS section for a reason. Please have the decency to properly introduce yourself to the Congregation. Tell us about yourself, your Church, and your walk with Christ. Not the skirts you're chasing.

        If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

        If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

        You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

        Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.
        Who Will Jesus Damn?

        Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

        Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

        Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

        Comment

        • Faith_Machine
          Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
          True Christian™
          • Mar 2011
          • 10050

          #5
          Re: URGENT HELP FROM TRUE CHRISTIANS NEEDED

          ScotJim, you have no business being alone with a woman you're not married to. No business whatsoever. You're liable to get yourself into all kinds of trouble.
          WARNING:
          In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
          REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

          Comment

          Working...