[Jesus]

Re: ASK JESUS! POSE YOUR AD 2016 QUESTIONS HERE!

I know He can't say for sure but can He give a ball park figure for when I and all True Christians™ will be sucked off naked into Heaven?

YIY

Yes, He can. It will be on a Wednesday.

[Jesus]

Re: ASK JESUS! POSE YOUR AD 2016 QUESTIONS HERE!

Now that it has been made clear that the vast majority of the Devil's people have been pushed back into their lairs on the northeast coast of America and the godless West Coast, I have been wondering if we can expect the final destruction of California, at least, this year or possibly early next year. I have been praying that it will finally happen and I know that many Christians have been wondering the same thing.

Just the elimination of California from the Godly United States could usher in a new era of wealth, Godliness and prosperity. People who study earthquakes say that the San Andreas fault is just about ready to give way and that the entire lower half, at least, of the West Coast will likely slide into the Pacific Ocean. Could they be right for a change? Even a stopped clock gets the time right twice a day. It seems like everyone in America is praying for the destruction of California, even the godless scientists.

The Lord has sent His servant, Donald Trump, to rescue America and push back the forces of Satan. He is already doing great work and his accomplishments will be yuge. Will it be possible to rain fiery death and destruction on the tattered remnants of the enemies of God and America?

I will not stop at that. I'll poison their seas, their drinking water, make them itchy with excema, and release the poisonous locusts on them. It's not just a simple case of brimstone falling from the sky! They will suffer for months. . On a Wednesday. Bless me!

[Jesus]

Re: ASK JESUS! POSE YOUR AD 2016 QUESTIONS HERE!

Why won't He buy me a Mercedes-Benz? My friends all drive Porschees, I must make amends.

Of course! Your Mercedes-Maybach S650 Cabriolet is now waiting for you on Barbecue Island, by the Bay of Brimstoe on the Lake of Fire. Very soon (on a Wednesday) you'll find yourself on the shores of that Lake, and you only have to swim across to get access to your Mercedes. Of course, in case your bones dissolve in the heat and your nerves scream in agony and you sink, you'll just have to start out again, and again, and again, and again...

[Jesus]

Re: ASK JESUS! POSE YOUR AD 2016 QUESTIONS HERE!

1. Will you please, during one of Your chats with Pastor Zeke, tell him to remember who I am?
2. Will You make my application for residency in Freehold get approved?
3. Please kill all the spiders in the world. Today. In Your Name (that means You have to do it, like You said in Your Word)
4. Can you stop my parents from being papists? I mean, I know you can, but can you?
5. Will you help us locate Sister Cookie?
6. Please give Zeke his new airplane. We know You hate Creflo Dollar.
7. Tell your Dad I said Hello.

1. You're the Horse Guy, right?
2. Can you take care of My four horses for the Apocalypse, for Death, Famine, War & Conquest. Snowball, Bramble, Lucky and Randolph produce lots of manure, and while I could just make it vanish, I really don't enjoy that. You'll take care of that, capisce?
3. I need them to punish sinners come Rapture.
4. They are the ones who'll be punished by the spiders come Rapture.
5. Yes. She's in the third floor bathroom right now.
6. Creflo's plane will appear above the Lake of Fire any Wednesday now! Eventually, it'll run out of fuel and glide towards the smoking surface with Creflo brazing for impact. The plane will float on the molten brimstone for a few minutes, and then the liquid sulphur will start oozing in through the melting fuselage.
7. OK. I'll tell Him the Horse Guy said hi.

[Jesus]

Re: ASK JESUS! POSE YOUR AD 2016 QUESTIONS HERE!

(Is Mr. Trump the anti-Christ?)

No. Bless me.

[Jesus]

Re: ASK JESUS! POSE YOUR AD 2016 QUESTIONS HERE!

Hello Jesus and welcome back! We all long for the day when we will be in Your Divine Presence for all eternity.

My question relates to what Luke 18:17 quotes you as saying:

Verily I say unto you, Whosoever shall not receive the kingdom of God as a little child shall in no wise enter therein.

Did Luke quote you correctly and, if so, does this mean that we should simply ignore the hordes of adult Unsaved Trash who come here to persecute us, on the grounds that they are already damned?

Lovingly Yours in You ,
Joanna

Luke just wrote down what I dicatated. The duty of a child is to obey and if you fail to do that, you won't enter. I had lots of fun dictating Luke the genealogies and demaning he write all the names correctly. There was no eraser available those days and he had to start over 70 times 7 to get it right! Those were good days. Bless me!

[Jesus]

Re: ASK JESUS! POSE YOUR AD 2016 QUESTIONS HERE!

Welcome back Jesus! We LOVE you!!!




My question is, if one of my kids accidentally received the new board game Santa V. Jesus, would it be it a sin to play?

I love me, too! I wish you fought Santa on this Forum where he's been running amok! As for the game you mentioned, I play it all the time and I always win! Bless me!

[Jesus]

Re: ASK JESUS! POSE YOUR AD 2016 QUESTIONS HERE!

Shalom, Jesus.
I already posted my question in the 2015 area but I'll repeat it:

Why didn't you take all the help YOUR PEOPLE, the JEWS, offered you back when you walked on the earth? Of course, you're dead so I don't expect an answer. You could have lived a much longer life had you just did as we requested: lay low, stop the whole god complex thing, and continue the excellent teaching and speechmaking that was your best suit. You took the lazy way out and chose death just to save face.

You know I have a special section in Hell reserved for your people because you killed me! Your "help"? Why would I have needed any help? Everything went according to the plan we'd designed with Dad! I had to die for a short while on the cross to save your sorry asses from Hellfire and this is how you thank me? Still doubting my existence? If I had not Created you, I'd just discard you into Hell come Rapture. Wait! I'm gonna do that anyway.

[Marshal Kim Jong-un]

Re: ASK JESUS! POSE YOUR AD 2016 QUESTIONS HERE!

Hello Jesus. It says on your reputation section "Jesus will sit at the right hand of Jesus himself come the glory". How can you sit at your own right hand? Thank.

[BrotherLarry]

Re: ASK JESUS! POSE YOUR AD 2016 QUESTIONS HERE!

Hello Jesus. It says on your reputation section "Jesus will sit at the right hand of Jesus himself come the glory". How can you sit at your own right hand? Thank.

There is nothing my Christ cannot do, you heathen dictator. Feed your people! Give them free and unbridled access to the Interwebs! Recognize that you are nothing and that your self-imposed power means nothing when JESUS comes to establish His Kingdom on the earth. He'll do more than sit on His Right Hand! He will sit on YOU before casting you into the lake of fire.


Happy Holidays!
BrotherLarry

[BrotherLarry]

Re: ASK JESUS! POSE YOUR AD 2016 QUESTIONS HERE!

Dearest Lord Jesus,


I confess to You that I have sinned. I asked Santa for help but all He did was ignore me - kind of like Ezekiel does - and everyone else. (Except the horses. I always have the horses)


I hope You will be pleased with me during the upcoming year of 2017. Can you share some of what will happen in the new year?


Anyone you know getting married, maybe? Anyone moving to Iowa? Will Gwyneth Paltrow get an Academy Award in the next ten years?


What can I do to make you COME, LORD JESUS? We are all longing for our Heavenly Home. (John 14:2) (Rev. 22:12)
BrotherLarry

[Marshal Kim Jong-un]

Re: ASK JESUS! POSE YOUR AD 2016 QUESTIONS HERE!

There is nothing my Christ cannot do, you heathen dictator. Feed your people! Give them free and unbridled access to the Interwebs! Recognize that you are nothing and that your self-imposed power means nothing when JESUS comes to establish His Kingdom on the earth. He'll do more than sit on His Right Hand! He will sit on YOU before casting you into the lake of fire.


Happy Holidays!
BrotherLarry

Friend, it is not my fault several North Koreans are starving, it is because for imperialist sanctions that mean I can not trade with many country to get food. Also, we all have internet, western government are censor North Korean IP address. If Jesus will real, then when I meet him, I will spit on him in the name of my dark master Satan.

[BrotherLarry]

Re: ASK JESUS! POSE YOUR AD 2016 QUESTIONS HERE!

Friend, it is not my fault several North Koreans are starving, it is because for imperialist sanctions that mean I can not trade with many country to get food. Also, we all have internet, western government are censor North Korean IP address. If Jesus will real, then when I meet him, I will spit on him in the name of my dark master Satan.

Instead of spending so much of the country's money on covering up the realities of the poverty that pervades every square inch of N. Kornea except Poontang, how about spending some money on developing farm lands to give people jobs, food, and an honest economy?


You, sir, have a lot to answer for when Christ Jesus, the KING of KINGS, returns in clouds of glory to separate the wheat from the chaff, the sheep from the goats, and the chickens from the, um, well the chickens from the other chickens. Woe to you! Woe, I say, on that day.


Have a super sparkly day!
BrotherLarry

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: ASK JESUS! POSE YOUR AD 2016 QUESTIONS HERE!

Instead of spending so much of the country's money on covering up the realities of the poverty that pervades every square inch of N. Kornea except Poontang, how about spending some money on developing farm lands to give people jobs, food, and an honest economy?

Brother Larry, my husband says that you, as a horse dentist, are outside your area of expertise here. He points out that if the Marshal were to waste his country's money on the feckless poor, the bottom would drop out of the used and expired weapons market, and then where would we be?

YiC
Joanna

<On another matter, he asks if you do house-calls outside Freehold, as the children's ponies could do with a scale and polish. We are in England - do you have a passport? If so, I will send you a private message.>

[Brother Gonzalez]

Re: ASK JESUS! POSE YOUR AD 2016 QUESTIONS HERE!

Hi Jesus,

As you are not mentioned in the Bible before your first coming, I have to ask, do yo have any other family or relatives there in Heaven, that we did not heard of? If the answer is yes, is one of them going to come as you did?


Is going to be a third volume of the Bible, before rapture? Again, I ask because there is no indication in the Old Testament of a New Testament to come, and in the New Testament I see no indication of a Post-New Testament. I wonder, then, if another one is coming.


And in the case someone is coming, could you please tell us how to recognize Him? The instructions in Matthew 7:15-20 are clear for bright people like my brothers in this forum, but for me are rather obscure (what is going on with the fruit trees? Every other chapter we have a fruit tree as an example, and I get confused) Nevertheless, they indicate how to recognize a false prophet, but not how to know one that is for real.


Thank you very much, I love you and obey you the best I can.


Your humble servant,


Brother Gonzalez