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  • Elmer G. White
    Distinguished Professor of Prayer Healing and Creation Zoology (Baraminology)
    Victim of atheist scientific persecution
     
    • Apr 2014
    • 10272
    #1

    ASK JESUS! POSE YOUR AD 2016 QUESTIONS HERE!

    It's only a few weeks to Jesus' Glorious Birthday. Once more we are certain that our Savior Himself is going to visit this Discussion Board and, in an act of Benevolence, answer the most burning questions that We True Christians™ have for Him!

    Matthew 7:8 For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.

    Won't it be Magnificent when Jesus appears online for His birthday and teaches us precious stuff about Life, Universe and Everything! Please, remember to be polite and revering with your inquiries. We all Pray and Hope that by this time next year, He'll come knocking at our doors to invite us to our Eternal dwelling-place in Death and Heaven!




    Yours in Christ,

    Elmer
    2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



    PREPARE YOURSELF TO RAPTURE WITH THIS MANUAL!
    Check out our Research in Creation Science:
    Tags: None
    • Des
      True Christian™
      True Christian™
      • Jun 2013
      • 2718
      #2
      Re: ASK JESUS! POSE YOUR AD 2016 QUESTIONS HERE!

      I already know my question. Will President Elect Donald Trump fix that two term limit technicality that is preventing him from being named president for life?
      Psalm 137:9 Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.

        Comment

        • Dr Laurence Niles
          Psychotheological Analyst Therapist
           
          • Jan 2012
          • 9063
          #3
          Re: ASK JESUS! POSE YOUR AD 2016 QUESTIONS HERE!

          I know He can't say for sure but can He give a ball park figure for when I and all True Christians™ will be sucked off naked into Heaven?

          YIY
          1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

          Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.

          Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

            Comment

            • Alvin Moss
              Serving Jesus
              True Christian™
              • Aug 2013
              • 4468
              #4
              Re: ASK JESUS! POSE YOUR AD 2016 QUESTIONS HERE!

              Now that it has been made clear that the vast majority of the Devil's people have been pushed back into their lairs on the northeast coast of America and the godless West Coast, I have been wondering if we can expect the final destruction of California, at least, this year or possibly early next year. I have been praying that it will finally happen and I know that many Christians have been wondering the same thing.

              Just the elimination of California from the Godly United States could usher in a new era of wealth, Godliness and prosperity. People who study earthquakes say that the San Andreas fault is just about ready to give way and that the entire lower half, at least, of the West Coast will likely slide into the Pacific Ocean. Could they be right for a change? Even a stopped clock gets the time right twice a day. It seems like everyone in America is praying for the destruction of California, even the godless scientists.

              The Lord has sent His servant, Donald Trump, to rescue America and push back the forces of Satan. He is already doing great work and his accomplishments will be yuge. Will it be possible to rain fiery death and destruction on the tattered remnants of the enemies of God and America?
              God judgeth the righteous, And God is angry with the wicked every day- Psalm 7:11

                Comment

                • Didymus Much
                  Unsaved trash, Arrogant Atheist Dick
                  • Jun 2010
                  • 14079
                  #5
                  Re: ASK JESUS! POSE YOUR AD 2016 QUESTIONS HERE!

                  Why won't He buy me a Mercedes-Benz? My friends all drive Porschees, I must make amends.

                    Comment

                    • Michael Hezekiah Esq
                      Unsaved trash, a Rich Joo (Luke 16:24)
                      • Sep 2016
                      • 256
                      #6
                      Re: ASK JESUS! POSE YOUR AD 2016 QUESTIONS HERE!

                      Shalom, Jesus.
                      I already posted my question in the 2015 area but I'll repeat it:


                      Why didn't you take all the help YOUR PEOPLE, the JEWS, offered you back when you walked on the earth? Of course, you're dead so I don't expect an answer. You could have lived a much longer life had you just did as we requested: lay low, stop the whole god complex thing, and continue the excellent teaching and speechmaking that was your best suit. You took the lazy way out and chose death just to save face.


                      Well, I'm just going to sit back and watch as these people expect a "real" answer to their ridiculous questions, and also I will continue to wait for Meshiach, who will at last bring peace to Israel and reign forevermore.


                      Such a waste, Mr. Christ. Such a waste.
                      I have respect for you as a man and as a teacher. You had some really cool philosophies, but as you lay there in your tomb, I hope you have had time to think about your mistakes. Trusting your apostles to do all that wacky stuff you proposed might have worked if you were really sane, but you started losing it there toward the end. Again, your bad, not ours.


                      Mike
                      A half truth is a whole lie.

                        Comment

                        • BrotherLarry
                          Revelationary Equine Gnathologist for Christ
                          True Christian™
                          • Sep 2014
                          • 2262
                          #7
                          Re: ASK JESUS! POSE YOUR AD 2016 QUESTIONS HERE!

                          All praise and honor to you, my handsome, manly, buff Savior! I would like to sing a song for you and play upon my drum as I sing:


                          A you're adorable, B you're so beautiful, C, you're a cutie full of charm; D you're a darling and E you're exciting and F you're a feather in my arms.


                          G you look good to me, H you're so heavenly I you're the one I idolize, J we're like Jack and Jill, K means you're kissable, L is the lovelight in your eyes. M, N, O, P, I could go on all day. Q, R, S, T, alphabetically, you're OK!


                          U make my life complete, V you're so very sweet, W, X Y Z; Oh it's fun to wander through the alphabet with You, to tell You what You mean to me.


                          PRAISE YOURSELF, JESUS! I BOW AT YOUR FEET.


                          Oh, and just so you know, I became a True Christian(TM) this year, but you already know that. I also completed my Equine Gnathology program through Your grace, and successfully passed my veterinary quiz.


                          You know Elmer White, right? (Of course you do) Well, as you also know he is helping me with my studies to become a PhD in Christian Science and I'm also going to be an equine psychoanalyst if it's Your will.


                          My questions this year, if I may:


                          1. Will you please, during one of Your chats with Pastor Zeke, tell him to remember who I am?
                          2. Will You make my application for residency in Freehold get approved?
                          3. Please kill all the spiders in the world. Today. In Your Name (that means You have to do it, like You said in Your Word)
                          4. Can you stop my parents from being papists? I mean, I know you can, but can you?
                          5. Will you help us locate Sister Cookie?
                          6. Please give Zeke his new airplane. We know You hate Creflo Dollar.
                          7. Tell your Dad I said Hello.


                          Well, my beautiful, handsome, adorable, gracious, loving, tender, and kind Master, I hope You have a wonderful birthday. I am happy that you come quickly and I can't wait for that event, which will be the climax of everything for once and for all. I question the word "quickly," though, at times, since we've all been waiting about 2000 years, but hey, that's your business.


                          Wow, I hate to ramble on and on and on, but LORD, I am about as crazy for You as Sister Etheldreda, and You know how she gets when the Holy Ghost takes over and reminds her of Your Love and how special you must think she is to temporarily die for her. She almost urinates herself over it, as do we all. GLORY TO YOUR NAME!!!!!


                          With all my love and thanks,
                          BrotherLarry
                          (The one with the horses - remember?)
                          Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
                          “The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

                          Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
                          Amen and Amen

                            Comment

                            • Dr. Anthony J. Toole
                              An old soul
                              True Christian™
                              • Aug 2013
                              • 5018
                              #8
                              Re: ASK JESUS! POSE YOUR AD 2016 QUESTIONS HERE!

                              Just wondering... how are you an' all...

                              (Is Mr. Trump the anti-Christ?)
                              If I have seen further, it is by standing on the heads of others.

                                Comment

                                • Joanna Lytton-Vasey
                                  True Christian™ Lady Extraordinaire, an Honorary Male Biblicist
                                   
                                  • Jul 2014
                                  • 8416
                                  #9
                                  Re: ASK JESUS! POSE YOUR AD 2016 QUESTIONS HERE!

                                  Hello Jesus and welcome back! We all long for the day when we will be in Your Divine Presence for all eternity.

                                  My question relates to what Luke 18:17 quotes you as saying:

                                  Verily I say unto you, Whosoever shall not receive the kingdom of God as a little child shall in no wise enter therein.

                                  Did Luke quote you correctly and, if so, does this mean that we should simply ignore the hordes of adult Unsaved Trash who come here to persecute us, on the grounds that they are already damned?

                                  Lovingly Yours in You ,
                                  Joanna
                                  Vaccinated by the love of Jesus!!!

                                    Comment

                                    • Mary Etheldreda
                                      Gushing for Jesus
                                       
                                      • Sep 2011
                                      • 23775
                                      #10
                                      Re: ASK JESUS! POSE YOUR AD 2016 QUESTIONS HERE!

                                      Welcome back Jesus! We LOVE you!!!




                                      My question is, if one of my kids accidentally received the new board game Santa V. Jesus, would it be it a sin to play?


                                      Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

                                        Comment

                                        • Jesus
                                          The Truest Christian™
                                           
                                          • May 2008
                                          • 216
                                          #11
                                          Re: ASK JESUS! POSE YOUR AD 2016 QUESTIONS HERE!

                                          Bless Me!!




                                          Knock some more and My Bosom shall be opened for you!
                                          Blessed is Me.

                                            Comment

                                            • Michael Hezekiah Esq
                                              Unsaved trash, a Rich Joo (Luke 16:24)
                                              • Sep 2016
                                              • 256
                                              #12
                                              Re: ASK JESUS! POSE YOUR AD 2016 QUESTIONS HERE!

                                              Originally posted by Jesus View Post
                                              Bless Me!!




                                              Knock some more and My Bosom shall be opened for you!

                                              Lots of bling from the guy with a god complex.
                                              The G_d of Abraham, Isaac, and Joseph is not impressed.
                                              Folks, this impersonator is impotent and delusional.
                                              Meshiach has not yet been revealed! Come to your senses.
                                              A half truth is a whole lie.

                                                Comment

                                                • BrotherLarry
                                                  Revelationary Equine Gnathologist for Christ
                                                  True Christian™
                                                  • Sep 2014
                                                  • 2262
                                                  #13
                                                  Re: ASK JESUS! POSE YOUR AD 2016 QUESTIONS HERE!

                                                  Originally posted by Jesus View Post
                                                  Bless Me!!




                                                  Knock some more and My Bosom shall be opened for you!
                                                  If the JESUS van is rockin, you know I'll come knockin'! Hallelujah!

                                                  KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
                                                  Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
                                                  “The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

                                                  Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
                                                  Amen and Amen

                                                    Comment

                                                    • Jesus
                                                      The Truest Christian™
                                                       
                                                      • May 2008
                                                      • 216
                                                      #14
                                                      Re: ASK JESUS! POSE YOUR AD 2016 QUESTIONS HERE!

                                                      Bless Me, my children!

                                                      Let us look at the World in Anno Mei 2016. It is in better shape than ever. My people are guarded by Donald, Vlad and Zeke and I have the time to make not ONE but TWO appearances this Birthday. You can take this as my first coming and, if you remain strong in worshiping me, I might go for a second coming on my birthday!



                                                      That said, I am furious with you. You of all people! The threads posted By the Demon Santa and the various gaming debates have attracted much more attention than this thread. You're debating the demons, OK, By you should spend more time worshiping ME! But I'm merciful and I shall now answer some of your questions.

                                                      Blessed is Me.

                                                        Comment

                                                        • Jesus
                                                          The Truest Christian™
                                                           
                                                          • May 2008
                                                          • 216
                                                          #15
                                                          Re: ASK JESUS! POSE YOUR AD 2016 QUESTIONS HERE!

                                                          Originally posted by Des View Post
                                                          I already know my question. Will President Elect Donald Trump fix that two term limit technicality that is preventing him from being named president for life?
                                                          Donald can't fix that but I can unless I want to take him to keep me Company on the Golf Course of Heaven By 2020. Bless me!
                                                          Blessed is Me.

                                                            Comment

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