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  • Pastor Ezekiel
    Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
     
    • Sep 2006
    • 78551
    #1

    Perverted Chocolate Santas!

    Brothers and sisters in Christ!! BEWARE!! Don't buy chocolate santas for your children, ever again!! Just look at what the DOF has turned up! What starts off looking like a harmless Christmas confection, is quickly revealed to be....well.....an item that no True Christian™ woman would want found in her bedroom.


    I am certain that no True christian™ parent would want their Son or daughter exposed to such filth. Sister Thumper and I have been doing our own godly research on these long cylindrical sweets, but we thought that you parents ought to be warned....Praise Jesus...
    Who Will Jesus Damn?

    Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

    Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

    Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
    Tags: None
    • Glendora Christianson
      Spiritual Mother of LBC
      True Christian™
      • Sep 2006
      • 2329
      #2
      Re: Perverted Chocolate Santas!

      Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
      Brothers and sisters in Christ!! BEWARE!! Don't buy chocolate santas for your children, ever again!! Just look at what the DOF has turned up! What starts off looking like a harmless Christmas confection, is quickly revealed to be....well.....an item that no True Christian™ woman would want found in her bedroom.


      I am certain that no True christian™ parent would want their Son or daughter exposed to such filth. Sister Thumper and I have been doing our own godly research on these long cylindrical sweets, but we thought that you parents ought to be warned....Praise Jesus...
      I don't understand what you are warning us about, Pastor Zeke. Did they try to hide a Catholic Bishop inside the Santa?
      Jesus - gentle, dependable overnight relief.

        Comment

        • Daisy Mae Johnson
          The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint
          Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running
          aka the Biblethumpin Blonde
          True Christian™
          • Sep 2006
          • 15708
          #3
          Re: Perverted Chocolate Santas!

          Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
          Brothers and sisters in Christ!! BEWARE!! Don't buy chocolate santas for your children, ever again!! Just look at what the DOF has turned up! What starts off looking like a harmless Christmas confection, is quickly revealed to be....well.....an item that no True Christian™ woman would want found in her bedroom.


          I am certain that no True christian™ parent would want their Son or daughter exposed to such filth. Sister Thumper and I have been doing our own godly research on these long cylindrical sweets, but we thought that you parents ought to be warned....Praise Jesus...

          Although the size, color and texture look DEEPLY satisfying there is something about it that reminds me of something unpure.....I just can't put my finger on it....? It also makes me think of Brother Remy for some reason.

          hmmmmmm...?

          But Pastor Zeke is right. This is one Christmas confection that should not been seen in the hands of our little ones.

          With Love, Sister Thumper
          sigpic

          Tweet me Here
          My GODLY Bio Here

            Comment

            • lilith
              Night Hag
              • Sep 2006
              • 1232
              #4
              Re: Perverted Chocolate Santas!

              Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
              Brothers and sisters in Christ!! BEWARE!! Don't buy chocolate santas for your children, ever again!! Just look at what the DOF has turned up! What starts off looking like a harmless Christmas confection, is quickly revealed to be....well.....an item that no True Christian™ woman would want found in her bedroom.


              I am certain that no True christian™ parent would want their Son or daughter exposed to such filth. Sister Thumper and I have been doing our own godly research on these long cylindrical sweets, but we thought that you parents ought to be warned....Praise Jesus...

              What kind of chocolate's that then - is it the good stuff,or the cheap muck they foist off on people during Xmas?
              And it looks just like a vibr...um,massage tool.
              In order to be old & wise,you must first be young & stupid.

                Comment

                • Arethusa
                  True Christian™
                  True Christian™
                  • Nov 2006
                  • 284
                  #5
                  Re: Perverted Chocolate Santas!

                  Looks good to me. Any chocolate is good chocolate, that's what I say. Waste not, want not!
                  Tir'd, and despairing, O celestial maid,
                  I'm caught, I cry'd, without thy heav'nly aid.
                  Help me, Diana, help a nymph forlorn,
                  Devoted to the woods, who long has worn
                  Thy livery, and long thy quiver born.                   - Ovid

                    Comment

                    • OnYourKnees
                      On Extended Furlough
                      True Christian™
                      • Nov 2006
                      • 4729
                      #6
                      Re: Perverted Chocolate Santas!

                      Young lady, this is not an appropriate snack while writing in that journal of yours!!

                        Comment

                        • MoonFlower
                          True Christian™
                          • Sep 2006
                          • 522
                          #7
                          Re: Perverted Chocolate Santas!

                          I dunno, I don't see what's wrong with it. It just looks like a rocket, made out of chocolate. Yummy!

                          Moon
                          You pray...I dance naked in the forest

                            Comment

                            • OnYourKnees
                              On Extended Furlough
                              True Christian™
                              • Nov 2006
                              • 4729
                              #8
                              Re: Perverted Chocolate Santas!

                              Originally posted by MoonFlower View Post
                              I dunno, I don't see what's wrong with it. It just looks like a rocket, made out of chocolate. Yummy!

                              Moon
                              See this, Arethusa?

                              It's Heathen-Approved.

                              It has the Baby-Pie-Maker-Cat-Eater Seal of Approval.

                              Are you SURE that's something you want to put into your True Christian mouth??

                                Comment

                                • Arethusa
                                  True Christian™
                                  True Christian™
                                  • Nov 2006
                                  • 284
                                  #9
                                  Re: Perverted Chocolate Santas!

                                  All right, all right, I'll stick to regular chocolate. Being a True Christian is haard.
                                  Tir'd, and despairing, O celestial maid,
                                  I'm caught, I cry'd, without thy heav'nly aid.
                                  Help me, Diana, help a nymph forlorn,
                                  Devoted to the woods, who long has worn
                                  Thy livery, and long thy quiver born.                                   - Ovid

                                    Comment

                                    • Jesus is Lord
                                      Devout seeker of the Truth™
                                      True Christian™
                                      • Sep 2006
                                      • 639
                                      #10
                                      Re: Perverted Chocolate Santas!

                                      Originally posted by Arethusa View Post
                                      All right, all right, I'll stick to regular chocolate. Being a True Christian is haard.
                                      Yes, being a True Christian™ can be hard sometimes. The fact you are but a woman makes it even harder for you. You really need to find a True Christian™ man to be your husband, that will make things easier on you.

                                      Soon enough I hope to be moving to Freehold (once my current business deal goes through and I hear back from the realtor about the house) and I could use another wife to help out around the house. Who wouldn't want to move from God forsaken Canada and to the home of True Christianity™?
                                      The Big-Bang: GOD spoke and, BANG, the universe was formed.
                                      Genesis 1:1 - In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.
                                      sigpic

                                        Comment

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