[Jesus]

Re: ASK JESUS - 2022

I've got one. Jesus, do you ever get tired of people trauma-dumping on you? Over the millennia? I wonder if it's the same kind of person (it's OK to say if it is).

Thou knowest probably that I hear not sinners: but if any man be a worshipper of Me, and doeth Me will, him Me heareth.

(make a note what about women - do we have a policy me and Dad?)

Ergo: They don't bother me at all. They're all sinners. Their annoying whining noise never reaches Heaven and if it does, who cares I don't. Ecce homo! Habeas corpus! No homo! They'll soon be corpses (in American)!

[Jesus]

Re: ASK JESUS - 2022

Oh lord Jesus, which team is going to win the Soccer World Cup? Please answer prior to the close of betting on the final.

The 2070 World Soccer Cup (if I decide not to return before that) will be played in Norway. Of the surviving nations and cuntries, Nepal will win, Iceland second, Guam third.

[Jesus]

Re: ASK JESUS - 2022

Hi Jesus. I have a question.
Do you ever heal persons, knowing what their malady is and how much pain they're in and being able to heal them any time you like, without first receiving a correctly worded prayer from a True Christian? Some missionaries were worried about demon possession and had a whole congregation pray for deliverance (I think they were in another country) after which the wretch was whole again. I say "again" but those people probably are never whole to begin with.

Thank you.

I do, especially lepers, although it's also fun to watch their body parts fall off in the midsts of some you-know-what-kind-of action :lol. However, if they fail to hate their lives afterwards and do not follow me, they'll get the same disease or injury multiplied once I cast them into Hell for eternity! Y'all TCs are welcome to come and watch their agony once (and if) we meet in Heaven.

[Jesus]

Re: ASK JESUS - 2022

When will I finally die and go to Heaven? Ever since my wife disappeared or died, still haven't figured that out, life has been worse than ever.

Ah, dementia, one of Dad's finest ways to give us entertainment! If I may (and I may), I'd be happy to remind you of 2019 AM (anno mei):

Can I please die? I feel I am ready for Heaven.

Why are you not discontinuing the beta-blockers, the aspirin, the testosterone supplements and instead expose the pacemaker to airport security gates?

As I am the same yesterday, today and tomorrow and the day before that and the day after tomorrow etc. etc., I can assure you that I have not changed my mind. This one is from 2018:

Request granted. I'll smite you on a Tuesday.

Tuesday it is! Don't lose your marbles totally before that one special Tuesday as if you do and forget me, it's gonna be the Pit but no Bottoms!

[Jesus]

Re: ASK JESUS - 2022

Lord Jesus, my Light, and my Savior, do you have any advice for Jewish boys who have accepted you as their Messiah?

Yes, I do.

Should they still feel guilty for killing you, now that they have been saved?

Yes, they should.

Do they still need to let their mothers control their lives?

Yes, they need. It will help them live up to Luke 14:26 but , frankly my dear, we all know that they would perish within a day if their mothers did not assist them in payot management, putting on clothes and avoiding sodomy.

Do you still want them to move to the Holy Land, or are they exempt from that requirement now that they are Christians?

I just want them to move as far away from me as possible. That will not change.

Should they have plastic surgery to restore their foreskins?

They should pray the foreskins back. If they fail, they were never True Christians™ and will go to Hell. Most of them will fail.

I feel that, with your eternal wisdom and your experience as a Christian growing up in a Jewish household, your insights would be invaluable.

They, they are. I'm magnificent.

[Jesus]

Re: ASK JESUS - 2022

Dear Baby Jesus, is this legit or a scam? I sent to PM to ask Pastor Bathfire but he didn't respond.

Yes, it is. It is the purrfect way to get an eternal pass into Hellfire. If you wish to communicate with me or Dad, you'll need the HSp as the medium. Or pastor Zeke, or the KJV. Besides, I am not old and do not have a gray beard. I also wear immaculate Armani suits.

[Jesus]

Re: ASK JESUS - 2022

I know this question wasn't addressed to me, but that's never stopped me before. How come the Holy Spirit Board says "Goodbye Jesus," that seems like a red flag to me.

No, it wasn't. Please concentrate on you tithing duties.

[Jesus]

Re: ASK JESUS - 2022

Dear Baby Jesus,

for this Christmas I want more people to come in Church as the last year they were lesser than before.

You need to understand that there are about 1 legitimate churches on Earth, the one led by Pastor Zeke and, indeed, this Christmas more people than ever will be visiting it. Of course, many people will also be visiting the pagan temples of your lot. I won't send them to Hell, they'll send themselves. Please be reminded that the candy bar and one can of coke that you usually give your catamites after the midnight mass will not save you nor them from the eternal aftereffects of your actions.

[Jesus]

Re: ASK JESUS - 2022

Can you tell me what a Jewish knob looks like? Are they cheaper than regular door handles?

Tl-, Dr. Must be a sinner as I did not hear anything. Never mind, furnacefodder is always in demand.

[Jesus]

Re: ASK JESUS - 2022

The question is whether there are degrees of hate or just one big fat "garden variety" hate.

Of course there are, dammit. BLASPHEMY AGAINS MY GOOD ALTER AGO THE HOLY GHOST is what I hate more than anything and I do hate many many things. And Esau. And - I get to decide what that actually means! For instance, being a member of the cat lick cult means disregarding the HSp, and so that sin is always infinitely worse than the still infinite sin of a thought crime, such as looking at Pastor Zeke with lust! Moreover, if you trespass in one rule, you've broken them all. Just watch GoT to see what will happen to those who fail!

[Jesus]

Re: ASK JESUS - 2022

Dear Jesus,

Do You have a problem with high built towers/skyscrapers?

Yes, but not the *Merican ones, only papist, mudslime, Hindoo, Shinto, Commie, atheist and Daoist ones.

If so, what's the tallest a building can be before offending You? If not, why did You confuse the speech of the builders of the Tower of Babel?

1. The answer can be found in Proverbs 8:26, and 2. what makes you think that I did not confuse their tongues? You never heard someone speak Arabic? I invented it by mixing Aramaic with camel vocalizations and the sounds of bowel movements.

[Jesus]

Re: ASK JESUS - 2022

Amen to that. There's now way the Tower of Babel was taller than the Burj Dubai? Oh lord Jesus, please knock down that heathen tower and render all the various Arab tribes unable to understand each other and thereby plot our ruin!

Commit thy way unto the LORD (that is Me); trust also in Me; and I shall bring it to pass. This will happen in the future that I foresee, during the days of the 2070 sucker world cup tournament.

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Re: ASK JESUS - 2022

Hey J-Dawg, I know I already asked more than enough of you this year and it's your birthday and all, but if you're still hanging around I had another question.

Here on earth we're getting bogged down with #MeToo movement. Back in the day, your Mom got knocked up without really knowing about it. Isn't that a violation or something? Was Mary in a position to consent? If He did a stunt like that today I don't think it would fly building a new religion on top of the fact. I guess what I'm asking is did Mary give enthusiastic consent to being impregnated?

According to the link: Enthusiastic consent can be expressed verbally or through nonverbal cues, such as positive body language like smiling, maintaining eye contact, and nodding. These cues alone do not necessarily represent consent, but they are additional details that may reflect consent. It is necessary, however, to still seek verbal confirmation.

I scoured the Bible but didn't see any mention of Mary's body language, or pictures of the act, or whether she smiled, maintained eye contact, nodding head, etc. etc. I know you're busy delivering gifts to all the children so it can wait til next year if you don't have time. Thx.

[Jesus]

Re: ASK JESUS - 2022

Hey J-Dawg, I know I already asked more than enough of you this year and it's your birthday and all, but if you're still hanging around I had another question.

Here on earth we're getting bogged down with #MeToo movement. Back in the day, your Mom got knocked up without really knowing about it. Isn't that a violation or something? Was Mary in a position to consent? If He did a stunt like that today I don't think it would fly building a new religion on top of the fact. I guess what I'm asking is did Mary give enthusiastic consent to being impregnated?

According to the link: Enthusiastic consent can be expressed verbally or through nonverbal cues, such as positive body language like smiling, maintaining eye contact, and nodding. These cues alone do not necessarily represent consent, but they are additional details that may reflect consent. It is necessary, however, to still seek verbal confirmation.

I scoured the Bible but didn't see any mention of Mary's body language, or pictures of the act, or whether she smiled, maintained eye contact, nodding head, etc. etc. I know you're busy delivering gifts to all the children so it can wait til next year if you don't have time. Thx.

She did. Luke 1:38. She arose which means that my Mom the harlot was also aroused. Oh boy she was eager. Luke 1:39. You should also know that consent only means that secular law of today would have been fulfilled. Meanwhile, she was unwed and freely committed to extramarital sex. Her eternal destiny is gruesome. Of course, me being God, I was spared the title of a bastard as I make the rules!

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Re: ASK JESUS - 2022

She did. Luke 1:38. She arose which means that my Mom the harlot was also aroused. Oh boy she was eager. Luke 1:39.

I knew it. Damn. For the historical record, did she... you know... do the thing with the pinky finger?