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  • The Nativity Story- beyond comprehension!

    Folks, I took the family recently to see "The Nativity Story" thinking that no Jewish plot to ruin America and Christianity could have made its way into the celuloid reels of a motion picture version of the birth of our Lord and Savior. I thought the "film" would be nothing more than a live-action version of the nativities that we always see in front of churches, people's homes and (rightfully so) on government or city property where people of all faiths can enjoy it and reflect on how amazing Christmas is (Jews celebrate Christmas, right?).

    With all that said, I enjoyed the movie, but there wasn't a lot to say about it... it was pretty much just a well done version of every church Christmas play I've ever seen. What really cheesed me off was as I was about to give the film a 10/10 rating on imbd.com I noticed on the message boards for the film, the discussion was dominated by talks to the lead actress, 16 year old Kiesha Castle-Hughes, being pregnant. Of course I thought this was all just further discussion about the film's content and thought nothing of it as I opened the topic to continue reading and possibly give some insight, seeing as how I am Freehold's most respected pundit.

    It was to my horror, as I began reading, that the discussion was not about the Virgin Mary (played by Kiesha Castle-Hughes) being pregnant, but in fact, the 16 year old actress herself!

    I vomited with rage onto my keyboard and monitor (and then got a sponge to clean it up). It turns out the young actress and her 19 year old boyfriend "got jiggy wit it" (as the teens would say) and created their own messiah. Of course, this child is not of God, but of Lucifer him self’s bloodline! To say the least, I changed my grade of the movie from a good one to a bad one in light of these new developments. Changed all my posts on the forums about how this was the "best movie since The Passion" to "the worst movie since White Chicks" and even went so far as to scrub my children's eyes with rubbing alcohol (I don't know what good that did, but I enjoyed doing it).

    Additionally, I sent a nasty letter to New Line Cinema about how I would never pay to see another movie again. This of course is a huge blow to them and their income because as a Christian I pay to see in the theaters and on video a combined 1.5 movies per year annually (rounded up). If these smut peddlers think they can cast Queen of the Whores, Kiesha Castle-Hughes in a film about the birth of Jesus then they have another thing coming. Why don't they just cast Paris Hilton in a role too? In fact they should of, she might have classed the whole operation up a little in the face of such overwhelming debauchery that was resonating from the void between Ms. (and I use the term lightly) Hughes' legs!

    Folks, this whole having children out of wedlock fad has no place in Christmas. Kiesha Castle-Hughes, wandering around in the desert with a bastard child in her belly during the Christmas season while the father is no where to be seen reminds me of someone... who is it?? Oh well, I can't remember, but I assure you that the person I am thinking of was a whore. I'm just so sick and tired of these Liberal conspiracies to destroy marriage and Christmas rearing their ugly heads during this most holy of holidays. Now if you'll excuse me, the kids and I were making a clean, family-friendly nativity scene in our living room from old wooden figures that have been in the family for years. I believe the last one we had to put out was the Virgin Mary.
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  • #2
    Re: The Nativity Story- beyond comprehension!

    Okay, with all this yakkey-yakkey blah-blah hooey.

    WHAT ABOUT A SNAIL AS SAVIOUR?! YOU EVER ONCE STOPPED TO CONSIDER THAT, MR. BIG GUY???

    Really. With all this controversy going around, could this Man be truly a Christain?

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    • #3
      Re: The Nativity Story- beyond comprehension!

      Originally posted by Sister Sue Vera View Post
      Okay, with all this yakkey-yakkey blah-blah hooey.

      WHAT ABOUT A SNAIL AS SAVIOUR?! YOU EVER ONCE STOPPED TO CONSIDER THAT, MR. BIG GUY???
      Yes, yes, I can see it: Jesus, a snail's tale.
      The Lord is a man of war: the Lord is his name.
      Exodus 15:3

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      • #4
        Re: The Nativity Story- beyond comprehension!

        Originally posted by tommy View Post
        Yes, yes, I can see it: Jesus, a snail's tale.
        Snails don't have tails.....just trails. Happy trails to you!
        Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
        "God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
        Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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        • #5
          Re: The Nativity Story- beyond comprehension!

          Originally posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
          Snails don't have tails.....just trails. Happy trails to you!
          I thought tale is a story...

          Jesus was a man and God, I am fully aware of that.
          The Lord is a man of war: the Lord is his name.
          Exodus 15:3

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          • #6
            Re: The Nativity Story- beyond comprehension!

            Originally posted by tommy View Post
            I thought tale is a story...

            Jesus was a man and God, I am fully aware of that.
            Oh, I just Love this excedingly cute beagle, Pastor!

            Please! Might I take him for a walk Right now?!!!!

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: The Nativity Story- beyond comprehension!

              Originally posted by Sister Sue Vera View Post
              Oh, I just Love this excedingly cute beagle, Pastor!

              Please! Might I take him for a walk Right now?!!!!
              As long as you don't let him lick you in the mouth.
              Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
              "God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
              Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


              Comment


              • #8
                Re: The Nativity Story- beyond comprehension!

                Originally posted by tommy View Post
                Yes, yes, I can see it: Jesus, a snail's tale.


                That's got such a nice ring to it....Jesus & the Twelve Snail Shells.

                The Ten Snailments.

                Away in a Snail Shell.

                The virgin Snailshell.

                The Burning Snail Shell.

                The Magdalene Shell.

                Psalmshells.
                In order to be old & wise,you must first be young & stupid.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: The Nativity Story- beyond comprehension!

                  Originally posted by Wash O'Hanley View Post
                  Folks, I took the family recently to see "The Nativity Story" ......

                  *Shortened quote /PD*


                  Oh stop whining - you LIKE Turkey at Xmas,dontcha?
                  Last edited by Pastor Rune Enoe; 12-26-2006, 11:28 PM. Reason: Shortened quote /PD
                  In order to be old & wise,you must first be young & stupid.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: The Nativity Story- beyond comprehension!

                    I is 100% in agreement with ya Brother Wash and I WON'T be goin' to see that ABOMINATION of a movie anytime soon!
                    Evangelist for Jesus and The Word!!

                    "Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves." Matthew 7:15


                    "Prayer should be your first resource. Not your last resort!!"

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                    • #11
                      Re: The Nativity Story- beyond comprehension!

                      You know, this puts me of a mind to a story I heard Pastor Deacon Fred tell the congregation a couple of years ago...

                      "An unmarried teenager who found herself in the family way last week told her parents that she had never known a boy sexually. Instead, she blamed the pregnancy on a ghost. She was immediately slapped senseless by her annoyed parents and sent to Pastor, who threw her out of the church. "The whole idea of a spirit diddling with a young girl is such a preposterous, lewd proposition," said Pastor Deacon Fred. "Frankly, I don't know where this little scallywag got the idea for such an outrageous, bald-faced lie."
                      Praise Jesus!
                      Who Will Jesus Damn?

                      Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                      Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                      Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

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                      • #12
                        Re: The Nativity Story- beyond comprehension!

                        Originally posted by lilith View Post
                        That's got such a nice ring to it....Jesus & the Twelve Snail Shells.

                        The Ten Snailments.

                        Away in a Snail Shell.

                        The virgin Snailshell.

                        The Burning Snail Shell.

                        The Magdalene Shell.

                        Psalmshells.
                        I am surprised that you didn't shuffle yourself straight into HELL by suggesting that we read the (Heretical) gospel of Judas Escargot.
                        Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
                        "God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
                        Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: The Nativity Story- beyond comprehension!

                          OMG! You mean instead of following the teachings of JESUS all these thousands of years, we have been following a snail trail?

                          instead of spread the Love. we should be spreading the goo?

                          Confused, Sister Thumper
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                          My GODLY Bio Here

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                          • #14
                            Re: The Nativity Story- beyond comprehension!

                            Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                            You know, this puts me of a mind to a story I heard Pastor Deacon Fred tell the congregation a couple of years ago...



                            Praise Jesus!
                            Oh, oh I remember that one. My friends and I had a great laugh over that one.

                            Brother Wash I could tell from the trailer that so-called "Virgin Mary" in that movie was not only a fornicator but clearly on drugs--her facial muscles seemed unnaturally stiff throughout the whole thing and set the tone for the entire boring cinematic Christmas Pageant.

                            I'm surprised you went to see it though, since the skin colour of Mary and Joseph clearly indicate that poor little Jesus wouldn't be the blue-eyed, blonde hair long haired beauty we all admire.
                            Tir'd, and despairing, O celestial maid,
                            I'm caught, I cry'd, without thy heav'nly aid.
                            Help me, Diana, help a nymph forlorn,
                            Devoted to the woods, who long has worn
                            Thy livery, and long thy quiver born.
                            - Ovid

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                            • #15
                              Re: The Nativity Story- beyond comprehension!

                              Originally posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
                              I am surprised that you didn't shuffle yourself straight into HELL by suggesting that we read the (Heretical) gospel of Judas Escargot.
                              Ten points Al!

                              (I had to draw the line somewhere)
                              In order to be old & wise,you must first be young & stupid.

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