[Santa Claus]

Mr. Santa, do not think we do not see through your ruse here. You are asking us to believe you can fly around the world in one day delivering presents and maintain a data log of every keystroke every child (and non-US citizen) makes in their electronic devices over decades. No such person POSSIBLY exists. I call bunkum on you Sir. Bunk-ham. Do you even have a long form birth certificate!?!

Tiny-Tony! You're back. I do! Here's the document!


AND I know what you need! You need to loosen up a bit, take it easy for a while. And my delivery will provide you with everything you need! Is there a better way to have a casual jolly nice evening at home than a new comfortable attire from my vintage stash of forgotten items? NO, of course there isn't!



There's even a patch pocket! Don't tear up your usual handy hole at the bottom of that pocket, though.

PS: I found what you were looking for based on my detailed datalog of your browsing (key)strokes. Only a couple of weeks more and it will fit right in the expecting void by your mantelpiece! Ho ho ho!

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Your subliminanal messages won't work on us. Nobody here is interested in purchasing an Aertex shirt.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Your subliminanal messages won't work on us. Nobody here is interested in purchasing an Aertex shirt.

Sock-it-to-em Dr. Toole. Gay shirts and pants are something our young boys do not need. This Sinta guy needs to take his whiskey and move on. I found a picture of him--it's not pretty.

[Isabella White]

Sock-it-to-em Dr. Toole. Gay shirts and pants are something our young boys do not need. This Sinta guy needs to take his whiskey and move on. I found a picture of him--it's not pretty.

Dearie me. It seems that this SATAN Claus is everywhere these days, dear Brother Mayor Hold. I suppose we should not be surprised, though — considering that we are warned of this very thing:

I Peter 5:8 "Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:"

II Corinthians 11:14 "And no marvel; for Satan himself is transformed into an angel of light."

And, as you shall see in the video clip below, SATAN Claus will do anything — and everything — to entice and to lure people to believing that he is good and well-intentioned. I must note that the video is from the very promiscuous, "anything goes" Norwegian nation area. It's just common knowledge that people in those northern countries are very willing to ignore the Gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ, and to follow the sinful pleasures of the flesh. Rumour has it that Sweden is just as bad, and Finland is even worse — much worse — with debauchery rampant everywhere!

[Johny Joe Hold]

Dearie me. It seems that this SATAN Claus is everywhere these days, dear Brother Mayor Hold. I suppose we should not be surprised, though — considering that we are warned of this very thing:

I Peter 5:8 "Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:"

II Corinthians 11:14 "And no marvel; for Satan himself is transformed into an angel of light."

And, as you shall see in the video clip below, SATAN Claus will do anything — and everything — to entice and to lure people to believing that he is good and well-intentioned. I must note that the video is from the very promiscuous, "anything goes" Norwegian nation area. It's just common knowledge that people in those northern countries are very willing to ignore the Gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ, and to follow the sinful pleasures of the flesh. Rumour has it that Sweden is just as bad, and Finland is even worse — much worse — with debauchery rampant everywhere!

Thank you, Sister Isabella, for alerting up to the sorry state of morals here and around the world. Today there was a meeting of Landover Baptist church officers to plan the extensive Christmas light show we have every year. A few of the men present are admins here on our site. I mentioned that perhaps this intoxicated Santa was not a good match for our site. For some reason he has a lot of support among the admins. Strange indeed.

[Adam Fag]

Now that's what I call a nice shirt. Can you get one in green? To go with my new flares.

[Santa Claus]

Tiny-Tony! Johny-Boy! Shirley-not-Bella! I see that the expectations of Christmas Come are starting to cause anxiety and stress to you! Ho-no worries! Santa can take it. Tony-Toy-Boy. Surely you understand the my products and deliveries are free and no-one is urging you to buy anything.

That is the difference between me and your Jesus, Shirley! My deliveries are conducted without any expectations of getting something in return. If you just show common decency, the deliveries will come and even if you don't, the coal is free and useful if you live in Baffin Land or Ellesmere Island. In contrast, Jesus will not deliver his deliverance free of charge. He requires you to follow his commandments quite meticulously and - to say the least - believe in him without rational justification. I don't care if you believe, I still deliver.

Johny-Boy, Shirley, Tiny-Tony. You seem to be good friends so here's something you can share! A nice book for interesting chores and activities for the whole community!



And, after Christmas, you all will have a nice beverage to celebrate New Year with your little friends! Ho ho ho! Please remember that I do not expect anything in return. Sometimes I get thanks, sometimes (such as in the case of Sweet Shirley) I get tantrums. Regardless, your stockings will be filled with my goodness come Christmas morning!

[Santa Claus]

Now that's what I call a nice shirt. Can you get one in green? To go with my new flares.

Adam-Padam, sweet Baby Boy! So-ho-ho-ho nice of you to pay a visit to Unca Santa's tremendous thread!

No can do, I checked the underice stash and unfortunately the green fabric was not dyed but moldy... Rudolf ate it, anyway. However, there are lots of other wonderful products that you'll enjoy and I can deliver, as you can see!



I surmise turquoise blue will be satisfactory?

[Romeo Rovagnati]

Romy-boy! I can and I did find it. The copy is in a small town in Georgia, US.



It is in Miss Kh'rystyn Sha'qui'lle O'Neal's outhouse in-between the pile of Cosmopolitans. Be hasty, she is running out of toilet paper and might have to use her magazine stash as a replacement. Ho, but do not hesitate to take a detour. I'm also delivering you TWO tickets for the 1936 premier of the bestest movie of that year. You don't want to miss it! You can take your favorite altar boy with you and make it a spectacular night out!

Nice to know it. Do you also have some copies of his friend Martin Mystere? I need to save children from them as well.

[handmaiden]

Santa, I find this picture offensive.


The father clearly works hard all day in order to provide for a family of five. Why is he expected to help in the kitchen? He should be relaxing in his den with his feet up and a good read in his hands.

[Santa Claus]

Santa, I find this picture offensive.


The father clearly works hard all day in order to provide for a family of five. Why is he expected to help in the kitchen? He should be relaxing in his den with his feet up and a good read in his hands.

Sweet Handy! Ho ho ho so nice to see you again! Aren't you adorable! Do I have a special treat for you this Christmas? Actually, I do! You love tea, don't you?! Everyone loves a good cuppa. I and Ma Claus take ours without milk, as I was born years and years before the first variants of the lactose tolerance mutations emerged in humanity. Except reindeer milk that is low in lactose, but we still usually take our Earl Gray pure and immaculate. Reindeer milk is a rare condiment and highly prized by our elfs. It is not available in large quantities and I remember how I once attempted to milk Clarabelle but accidentaly groped Rudolf and I can just say that both of us were a bit startled. But I digress. With this handy device, the singing kettle delivered from my underice stash, your tea will be the bestest ever!


There you go, Handy-Dandy! See you on Christmas day!

[Isabella White]

OK, that is quite enough, SATAN Claus! I have requested our beloved to ask to have you banned from this blessed site. has no time — or room — for sin, and sin is all that you have been spreading since you infiltrated our beloved . Why, it's just been one thing after another, and your evil influence has corrupted the pure, true meaning of the mas season. Instead of celebrating the birthday of , just look at how the world is celebrating sin — no thanks to you!

[handmaiden]

Sweet Handy! Ho ho ho so nice to see you again! Aren't you adorable! Do I have a special treat for you this Christmas? Actually, I do! You love tea, don't you?

Well. . . yes, I do. I may have resembled Marie Osmond in my younger days, but I am no Mormon and I do enjoy tea.

With this handy device, the singing kettle delivered from my underice stash, your tea will be the bestest ever!


There you go, Handy-Dandy! See you on Christmas day!

Okay, I have a weak spot for whistling tea kettles. But just because you got it right this year, it doesn't mean that I'm on board with all your tinsel nonsense. Jesus is Lord and it's still His birthday.

But thank you.

[Santa Claus]

Well. . . yes, I do. I may have resembled Marie Osmond in my younger days, but I am no Mormon and I do enjoy tea.



Okay, I have a weak spot for whistling tea kettles. But just because you got it right this year, it doesn't mean that I'm on board with all your tinsel nonsense. Jesus is Lord and it's still His birthday.

But thank you.

Handy-Randy! So nice of you! It's like the good old days when you sat on my lap and your squishy diaper made that funny noise. And now your Sweet Santa's gonna deliver just the right product to accompany your teatime. A toaster from my glaciar stash!


Ho ho ho Handy-Randy! May this be your bestest Christmas Dinner evah!

[Santa Claus]

OK, that is quite enough, SATAN Claus! I have requested our beloved to ask to have you banned from this blessed site. has no time — or room — for sin, and sin is all that you have been spreading since you infiltrated our beloved . Why, it's just been one thing after another, and your evil influence has corrupted the pure, true meaning of the mas season. Instead of celebrating the birthday of , just look at how the world is celebrating sin — no thanks to you!

Bella, always so hella angry but so cute and vulnerable! You really need a vacation and, if I may say so, and I may, so do all the people around you. Why not take a trip to Whitley Bay in Ol' Angleterre! Life is sweet there. You can hang out with all the boys, get yourself clean, have a good meal, enjoy a cuppa and even some dry sherry and p'tits fours. You can even go sailing and mingle with the robust bunch of fisherfolk.


The train ticket will be waiting for you in your pantyhose come Christmas Morning! Ho!