Good Toys and Games!

[Poetic Peter]

Mumbletypeg.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mumbletypeg

A fine action game for children.

Toys?

All a child needs is a decent pocketknife and a bar of P&G Laundry bar soap.
Put the bar of soap in a gallon sized glass pickle jar with a wet rag
for a day or two to soften the soap.
A bar of soap is a gift to gladden any child.
A good penknife. Let the child whittle out its preferred toy.
"See your toy inside the soap?"

Alternatively, a piece of rope
and instruction on the pastime of knot making and noosing

snares for varmints and little sisters.


Intellectual stimulation? A painting set.
Paint by numbers.
Four inch bristle brushes. Gallon cans of paint (quarts for under-tens). Magic Marker. Mark picket fence, say "1" , and mark "1" on the can of white paint. Mark the concrete garage floor "2"
and likewise, "2" on the can of gray floor paint.
Paint by numbers fun for days.


There must be other good toys and games for Christmas.
Please add your favorites.

[Talitha]

Re: Good Toys and Games!

Jesus© loves nothing more than a child reading a book about HIM®!

Here's a suggestion of one which promotes good family values AND also warns children against the horrors of perverts.



HAPPY CHRISTMAS

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Good Toys and Games!

I've heard Landover is currently in negotiations with Mattel to produce a special range of "Arab Barbies." Basically, it flounces around like any other whorish Barbie doll, but it also comes along with a special "Muslim Ken", who can be used to remove its head. If all goes well, this will be a valuable educational gift, which can be used to simultaneously teach children not to play the harlot, and that all moon-worshippers are evil.

[SUV]

Re: Good Toys and Games!

Jesus© loves nothing more than a child reading a book about HIM®!

Here's a suggestion of one which promotes good family values AND also warns children against the horrors of perverts.

[ATTACH]579[/ATTACH]HAPPY CHRISTMAS

Why, what a warm and tender Family picture! Indeed, this "Pedophilia" must be a wonderful thing to experience.

[Glendora Christianson]

Sleepwithme Jesus

This delightful and lifelike Jesus doll is called Sleepwithme Jesus. He's lifesized and has real seeping wounds. Sleepwithme Jesus is a much safer slumber party pal for our children as a parent doesn't have to worry about homer activities, the M activity, drugs etc...

[Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S.]

Re: Sleepwithme Jesus

This delightful and lifelike Jesus doll is called Sleepwithme Jesus. He's lifesized and has real seeping wounds. Sleepwithme Jesus is a much safer slumber party pal for our children as a parent doesn't have to worry about homer activities, the M activity, drugs etc...

Perhaps this could also be used as a teaching device, as Dr. James Dobson states, often a young child can learn from the penis of his adult peers. Perhaps if Jesus were anatomically correct underneath the sheet, the child would see the changes that would happen to him if Jesus allowed him to live to puberty. And perhaps it could provide inspiration for living a Godly life, so that someday his penis will be as big as his Heavenly Father's Son's!

boy cannot help but notice that Dad has a penis, just like his, only bigger

What better "dad" to learn from than THE Dad?!

[Talitha]

Re: Good Toys and Games!

It's a good job you are a Scientific Advisor young man.
Normally I would have called for a Pastor when someone uses the P-P word round here!

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: Good Toys and Games!

It's a good job you are a Scientific Advisor young man.
Normally I would have called for a Pastor when someone uses the P-P word round here!

We are conferring now (we just finished our all-night prayer vigil fo see if JESUS was returning today). The use of those words is disturbing!

[Talitha]

Re: Good Toys and Games!

The only Godly True Christian™ words I know for that "thing" are Tallywhacker and Choo-choo.

It's only Homers like these that tend to use THAT word!

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: Good Toys and Games!

Typical Brits! I may have to delete this entire thread.

[Poetic Peter]

Re: Good Toys and Games!

As I was saying: mumbletypeg. A variant we played as lads
gained status for the winner.

Form a circle with thumb to forefingertip.
Drop the opened penknife from a height a few inches above the fingers' circle, through that circle.

Start easy. Opponent now matches the drop, risking his own hand.
Increase the drop height as the rounds progress.

Competition continues until one child turns chicken, or shanks himself good.

No inference to coo coo or tlywkr thoughts allowed.
Winner may taunt the loser with, "DICK", however,
if that be his name

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: Good Toys and Games!

As I was saying: mumbletypeg. A variant we played as lads
gained status for the winner.

Form a circle with thumb to forefingertip.
Drop the opened penknife from a height a few inches above the fingers' circle, through that circle.

In my early youth we had another. The knife had three blades. You opened all three, but left the two shortest ones in an L shape, then tossed the knife to see if you could stick those two. I was pretty good at it. Now kids play video games and murder their classmates.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Good Toys and Games!

I have always felt that firearms make the perfect Christmas gift, for children of all ages. I'll never forget the .22 long I got for Jesus' Birthday when I was 5. I got my first 12 gauge shotgun when I was 15, and I know Jesus approved.

And I know a certain blond-haired, blue-eyed True Christian™ woman who is going to get a cute little pearl-handled derringer in her Bible-Thumping Christmas Stocking this year....Not naming any names .

[Glendora Christianson]

Re: Good Toys and Games!

I have always felt that firearms make the perfect Christmas gift, for children of all ages. I'll never forget the .22 long I got for Jesus' Birthday when I was 5. I got my first 12 gauge shotgun when I was 15, and I know Jesus approved.

And I know a certain blond-haired, blue-eyed True Christian™ woman who is going to get a cute little pearl-handled derringer in her Bible-Thumping Christmas Stocking this year....Not naming any names .

Well, I must warn you, the Ladies of Landover (even Lilith) are getting together today to have our hair bleached as blonde a Jesus So you might want to buy several of those pearled pocket protectors.

And while we're talking about guns, why not get the kids an ATV with gun rack and hunting rifle? I know lots of folks who could stop buying meat at Wal-mart if they did that. And the kids surely like to kill anything that moves.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Good Toys and Games!

Well, I must warn you, the Ladies of Landover (even Lilith) are getting together today to have our hair bleached as blonde as Jesus.

Lilith's a lady? Since when?

Personally, I've always felt a strong affection for the traditional gifts. Giving a child a rock is a great way to encourage it to practice stoning from a young age, but rocks also have all kinds of other uses - you can encourage them to swap rocks with their friends, until they have enough to build a complete, Biblically accurate, scale model of Noah's Ark out of them. And if they get out of line during the rest of the year, you can always threaten them with the possibility that next Christmas, they might just get a lump of coal instead - that always shuts them up.

By the way, Peter, have you had the good fortune to encounter Old Man Hatchet yet? He seems like the sort of fellow you'd get along with.