[handmaiden]

Re: You don't HAVE to do 'it' on the honeymoon

A brief word here regarding the matter of "position". Now, we all know that God's position on the matter is that intercourse, (the only acceptable form of sexual activity ) within marriage ( a big "duh" to that one) exists solely for the co-creation of souls to glorify God.

Now, it is general knowledge that past missionary efforts to various heathen people included instructions as to the proper alignment of bodies (married bodies, bud ) to ensure maximum potential for conception. Obviously, the heathen folk were doing it wrong which is why all such lands were underpopulated and ripe for Christian colonization.

Still, the question must be asked: is the so-called missionary position, or ventro -ventrical sex, really the optimal choice for conception? It carries with it the potential for embarrassment of the couple if the room is not dark enough and they happen to have to look at each other during the procedure. And since speed is of the essence-- particularly as it applies to supplying the essence-- any position that can provide maximum bang for minimum bucks should be considered.

Consider the fertility of farmyard animals. What is deemed the "quadruped position" seems to work very well for -- well, quadrupeds. They do not lack for offspring. They do not have to face each other during the disgusting act, and if the "service" of the average stallion or bull to the average mare or cow is any indication, the matter is over and done with very quickly.

It may be time to reconsider the matter of alignment in furthering the conception of Christian Soldiers. The method noted above gets the matter done fast, with little embarrassment, minimal body contact and it's a well known fact that women Do Not enjoy that particular position. Since True Christian ladies are not supposed to enjoy the act anyway, why take any chances? Stick with what works, that what I always say.

Helpfully Yours,

Handmaiden

[Larry Lee]

Re: You don't HAVE to do 'it' on the honeymoon

Just a reminder for the new brides. When you do "do it" after you are married it is best to place a clean sheet over your entire body and face. Cut a hole out for your nether regions. Place the sheet over you, lay completely still and say silent prayers while your new hubby does his business.

Sister, that's truly beautiful advice, which any True Christian™ bride can follow as (in)frequently as needed. I would only add that, in order to hasten-along the disagreeable proceedings as quickly as possible, the TC™ bride should learn to rhythmically and vigorously contract her "nether musculature" -- all the while saying her silent prayers -- and thereby advance the inevitable. It's said this procedure fosters the conception of soldiers (not handmaidens) for Christ.

[Wide-Open]

Re: You don't HAVE to do 'it' on the honeymoon

Amen Sister!

But.

If I may give a bit of extra personal advice... In case your new hubby is not familiar with this procedure, please don't tell him you are "going to make this real easy for you" while dressed in a white sheet, carrying scissors. Duly inform him first.

Although it's a long time ago now, I admit I did faint.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: You don't HAVE to do 'it' on the honeymoon

Just a reminder for the new brides. When you do "do it" after you are married it is best to place a clean sheet over your entire body and face. Cut a hole out for your nether regions. Place the sheet over you, lay completely still and say silent prayers while your new hubby does his business.

Remember, if you enjoy it, you are a whore and it's probably Satan making you feel pleasure. Sex should never be pleasurable!

[handmaiden]

Re: You don't HAVE to do 'it' on the honeymoon

There are many good reasons not to rush into, you know, that stuff on the honeymoon.

Weddings can be stressful on a bride and groom, plus there is a lot of food. It's better to get a good night's sleep on the wedding night then give it to wait a day or two and digest that heavy meal.

There is also no reason to overindulge in sex during the marriage.

My ex and I went from once or twice during the honeymoon week down to once or twice a month during that first half-year we were married.

The second six months it was down to once every month or so and in following years we reigned in our fleshly desires to about twice a year, then once every other year.

We continued to pray and attend church together and that kept our marriage stable. Finally, we managed to go seven years without any sex, before I, alas, rebelled against the Lord and headed off into a life of independent thought which only just ended with my acceptance into LBC.

I do wish the Lord had blessed me with children, though.

Regretfully Yours,

Handmaiden

[Phebe Carlyle]

Re: You don't HAVE to do 'it' on the honeymoon

Gosh,

Reading the opening post made me think way back to 1985.

My husband and I were married on the 19th October of that year. It certainly was a beautiful day and with God watching over us, everything went off without a hitch.

After the ceremony and the reception afterwards, my now deceased husband and myself had a stay in a hotel up at Kings Cross in Sydney. I was reluctant to stay there, considering the area is one of ill repute, a lot of prostitution and cross-dresser gay dalliances, but it was close to the airport and all and our flight to our honeymoon destination was at 5.am. Given the time of the flight, I agreed. He was a very special, considerate man; he asked my thoughts on things and went out of his way to ensure all my clothes matched to a tee with my shoes and handbag.

Given where we were staying, he suggested that it may be a good time to go and preach The Word to all the hopeless sinners out there. He did think of my safety however and demanded I stay in the hotel room and he would go and spread the Good Word in as many gay bars and clubs as he could! He was always thinking of those "hard nuts to crack", homers, so any opportunity that arose, he would be out there hands on.

Given his love of his fellow man, and his desire to embrace as many as he could, he and I didn't consummate our marriage on that night, nor for several months after and it was just the once. After that, he was off to boot camp, again, doing what he loved doing; sharing his love of man.

Jeepers, I teared up as I wrote that Brothers and Sisters. Please forgive my emotional outburst.

YIC,

WS.

[Miss April]

Re: You don't HAVE to do 'it' on the honeymoon

NO. You are WRONG. No easy buckets in my church, miss.

Do you even go to Church? But how dare you say that Wonderful Sister Vavoline Johnson is not right She is not wrong That man was being racist Next time get your facts right first

[Satan Is THAT bad]

Re: You don't HAVE to do 'it' on the honeymoon

You be callin us Negros "colored". Dats racist

NO. You are WRONG. No easy buckets in my church, miss.

[Meek and Humble]

Re: You don't HAVE to do 'it' on the honeymoon

Well, it doesn't, that's just a known fact. You have a wife, don't you? When you have sex with her I'm sure you feel closer to her.

In the Bible, it says that lust is wrong. It also says that sex before marriage is wrong. But since you are married, its not lust. So sex for other reasons than strictly reproduction is okay.

First you say that it comes from the Bible, then you say it doesn't come from the Bible, but it's just a "fact" you know. ROFL, do you even think before you type? Do you even think?

And no, sex for reasons other than reproduction is evil. Have you read the story of Onan in Genesis? According to tradition, Onan had to marry his dead brother's wife since he died without giving her a child. Onan married her, had sex with her, but spilled his seed on the ground so that he wouldn't have a baby. God was so angry at Onan, he killed him on the spot. THAT'S what God thinks about sex between married people for pleasure!

[Vavoline Johnson]

Re: You don't HAVE to do 'it' on the honeymoon

Sex also strengthens the relationship between husband and wife. God wants you to enjoy sex, that is why He made it, well, enjoyable! It's not a sin if you are having sex for enjoyment, as long as you are married. It's completely fine by my book, and my book being the Bible.

I don think yo be understandin but we got modest, unmarried womin readin this here thread and they done need to no nothing bout that until dere husbands teach em.

[Vavoline Johnson]

Re: You don't HAVE to do 'it' on the honeymoon

How was i racist?

You be callin us Negros "colored". Dats racist

[Levi Jones]

Re: You don't HAVE to do 'it' on the honeymoon

No... not at all. That would fall under lust. And I already said that sex while you're married isn't lust. Pornography and married sex are two completely different things.

It's better to marry than to burn. I had no choice. I was going to do explode until our parents sat down together and worked out the terms.

16 years later, I'm still so hot for her. Thanks Mom and Dad!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: You don't HAVE to do 'it' on the honeymoon

Well, it doesn't, that's just a known fact. You have a wife, don't you? When you have sex with her I'm sure you feel closer to her.

In the Bible, it says that lust is wrong. It also says that sex before marriage is wrong. But since you are married, its not lust. So sex for other reasons than strictly reproduction is okay.

Since you haven't produced any Scripture to back up your claims I'll assume you can't. Better ask your Sunday School teacher about it.

Son, run along and bother someone else. This is for the adults to discuss and ponder.

[angels]

Re: You don't HAVE to do 'it' on the honeymoon

No... not at all. That would fall under lust. And I already said that sex while you're married isn't lust. Pornography and married sex are two completely different things.

And how would you know?.You shouldn't be talking or even thinking about it lad.

[SCAMinistries]

Re: You don't HAVE to do 'it' on the honeymoon

So, based on your faulty logic, Internet porn is good?

No... not at all. That would fall under lust. And I already said that sex while you're married isn't lust. Pornography and married sex are two completely different things.