Helpful Hints for your Honeymoon

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Lysol is your friend Ladies.

I'm staring a thread on "suggestions" ladies. Please feel free to add your own.
All I'm saying is please make it pleasant for your husband to WANT to make a little Soldier for Christ with you. Breath mints and Lysol will help.

[Miss April]

Re: Helpful Hints for your Honeymoon

This Is Such a Great Idea Sister Keep up the Wonderful Work

[HTannor]

Re: Helpful Hints for your Honeymoon

I'm very concerned about the use of Lysol.

I thought I read once that it might contain..............alcohol! I, myself, have forbidden my wife to use it.

To solve the problem I went to a local automobile supply store and bought her some air fresheners of the type that dangle from a car's rear view mirror. I was very partial to the "pine" scent.

They must be working because every time she comes near me, I feel the feeling of being in the great outdoors.

[JennyD]

Re: Helpful Hints for your Honeymoon

All I'm saying is please make it pleasant for your husband to WANT to make a little Soldier for Christ with you. Breath mints and Lysol will help.

Should Sister Victory use the breath mints before or after the Lysol?

And isn't that a bit of overkill, Sister?

[Widow Green]

Re: Helpful Hints for your Honeymoon

Is there a British version of the Lysol that you know of? this may be where I was going wrong with my poor husbands God rest their souls. Would it be a sin to order some from E-bay from America so I can have some in stock for when I wed the next husband? I feel that I will finally have the soldiers of Christ when I have some of this miracle potion.

[HTannor]

Re: Helpful Hints for your Honeymoon

Is there a British version of the Lysol that you know of? this may be where I was going wrong with my poor husbands God rest their souls. Would it be a sin to order some from E-bay from America so I can have some in stock for when I wed the next husband? I feel that I will finally have the soldiers of Christ when I have some of this miracle potion.

Dear Widow Green,

I suppose you might find Lysol on ebay. Still, I can't recommend it, beause of the alcohol impurities in it. Perhaps you'd have better luck contacting your local chemist (quaint name for a Walgreens, but then it is Britain. What would you expect?)

Perhaps the British version of Lysol was concocted with a slightly different formulation. If so, it's not surpising since the limeys Brits have been trying to copy us for decades but just can't ever get it right. For example, I give you that no-talent group from Liverpool - the....uh, that bunch named after some hard-shelled insect of some kind. Anyway, they attempted to copy our Sainted Elvis but never did succeed.

But I digress. If you do find that limey local version of a good American brand, start off using it sparingly. There may be a real danger of sending your cooter private parts into shock. Perhaps you could take a sip - but first it should probably be mixed with club soda. You Brits are big on snooty clubs, so I expect you have club soda available.

If it doesn't pass the sip test, then I strongly encourage you to consider automobile deordorizers. If they don't have pine scent look for whatever trees are popular there.

[Larry Lee]

Re: Helpful Hints for your Honeymoon

Nowadays, nearly all True Christian™ girls have benefited from an abstinence education and a pure upbringing, which is positively Godly, as compared with the cultural decadence of the 1970s, when girls as young as 22 were known to wantonly fornicate with every Tom, Dick and Harry who bought them a Chardonnay spritzer. THANK GOD we've left those days behind us.

Unfortunately though, our girls today are totally unprepared for the explosive fireworks that accompany the Honeymoon experience. Girls, this post is directed towards you.

At the conclusion of the marriage act, you may find yourself wide awake, with your husband asleep at your side, breathing heavily and passing gas. You'll cherish that closeness. The intimacy. The knowledge that he's had a really good time. And yet, you'll fleetingly wonder if all that motion and warmth, which you've just experienced with him, shouldn't have, perhaps, resulted in a bit more than a flicker of physical sensation for you. It's only normal to have such thoughts. After all, you're a sexual innocent. And what I want to share with you -- oh, newly married woman -- is that what you're experiencing, in all of it's conflicting emotions and stale air, is the deep sexual pleasure that a single women can only dream of. Intercourse with your husband leaves you as happy as you can possibly be (especially if you've been practicing your fellatio beforehand on any old dowel that might be lying around the house, hint, hint). The "physical eruption" that you think you want will come at childbirth.

[Buford T Scoggins]

Re: Helpful Hints for your Honeymoon

Lysol is your friend Ladies.

I'm staring a thread on "suggestions" ladies. Please feel free to add your own.
All I'm saying is please make it pleasant for your husband to WANT to make a little Soldier for Christ with you. Breath mints and Lysol will help.

Great suggestions, sister. I'd like to point out that the Lysol bottle is another fine example of quality American engineering that we should all be proud of. Makes it so much easier to apply to those sensitive "private parts" of the female anatomy.

yours in Christ,
Brother Buford

[Oakland "Reb" Griner]

Re: Helpful Hints for your Honeymoon

Is there a British version of the Lysol that you know of?

My memory is not clear on this, but you might be looking for something called Marmite . . .


or is it Bovril ????