Officer Richards Bachelor Party

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Congratulations, Don and Vicky!!! The Good Lord hath blessed each other with happiness eternal.

Now, let's talk about this Bachelor Party! I've organized several parties for my friends before they got married. I'll make sure to bring a dozen bottles of Crown Royal Coca-Cola. My good friend and fellow televangelist Rev. Jake Delmachiavelli can probably truck in his converted bus RV. It's got 3 plasma TVs, a hot tub, and a waterbed.

Since it would be sinful for us to partake in extreme revelry, and Paul lets us know we will be damned to hell for it, I'll make sure to balance our partying with witnessing for Christ. I can arrange for several unsaved young women age 18-24 to fly in from other countries so that we can witness to them and save their souls from Aeternal Damnation.

Meet Natalya. She's from St Petersburg, Russia. She's 5'9, 120 lbs, age 24. She was raised Russian Orthodox but is now an agnostic.





Here we have Veronika, who hails from Budapest, Hungary. 5'7, 115 lbs, age 21. Her parents were atheist Communists so she was never brought up in a True Christian™ household.




Finally, we have Esmeralda from Recife, Brazil. 5'7, 135 lbs, age 19. She is a Roman Catholic.



We can save these women! I am sure we can take the time out of the bachelor party to personally witness to these girls one-on-one so they may receive the Good News that Jesus Christ has risen! I am looking forward to this wedding and especially, the bachelor party, and I can't wait to see my fellow Brothers in Christ in Freehold this July!

God Bless,
Rev. Jim

[eliot mayfield]

Re: Engagement announcement: Ofc. Richards and VickyOS

I think you meant Royal Crown. I haven't had an RC and a Moonpie in years!

[Larry Lee]

Re: Engagement announcement: Ofc. Richards and VickyOS

Very fine news. Congratulations.

Now, Brother Osborne, I'm feeling a powerful urge to witness to the girl Veronika. Her Communist upbringing has left her open to all sorts of perversions, to which I'm sure she'll readily succumb without protest, so I'd better step in and share with her the good news of the risen Christ. How early will she be available for witnessing purposes?

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: Engagement announcement: Ofc. Richards and VickyOS

By all means, Brother Larry! I'll make sure you get first dibs at converting Veronika. Rev. Delmachiavelli's RV has a very private back bedroom where you two can maintain privacy and she can open up to you and be honest about her personal life. It will take a lot of work, but I know by the end of night you'll have this Hungarian honey on her knees praying to Christ!

Rev. Delmachiavelli and I will roll in around July 1. Right now, I'm looking online for plane tickets for these unsaved ladies and I think I can squeeze them in a first class flight for July 2. Unless, maybe, Captain Portway could drop by their home countries and pick them up? I'm sure they would love to fly in an AirJesus!

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: Engagement announcement: Ofc. Richards and VickyOS

All I need is Pastoral approval and I can take one of the Gulfstreams to whatever Godless country these poor unsaved girls are living in.

And Reverend, all but Pastor Deacon Fred's personal G550 seat at least 12 people, and that does not include the Witnessing Couches. It just makes sense, if you could possibly manage it, to bring more than just four young, unsaved ladies that would be willing to submit to Christ's merciful love back from Godless Europe!

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: Engagement announcement: Ofc. Richards and VickyOS

Well that would be the cat's pajamas if we could fly in Pastor Deacon Fred's personal jet! I've contacted some of my missionaries and associates around the world, and I've found more women that are eager to join us for the bachelor party and the wedding!

These three come as a package! Meet our lovely Israeli trio, Miriam, Sarah, and Ruth. They are all new recruits in the Israeli army (pictured here in their uniforms) so don't let their feminine exteriors fool you -- they are trained by the Mossad to kill you with just two fingers! They are stationed in Tel Aviv but all have paid leave coming up. Let's convert these Jewish army gals to Christ!





And now from other side of the world, this is Pattaya (but she likes to be called Patty). 5'4, 105 lbs, 18 years of age and fresh out of Bangkok, Thailand! She grew up in a Buddhist household and has never ever heard the words of Christ before, so she's a virgin to Christianity!





Now our last little lady that I've contacted comes from just south of the border from Ciudad Juarez, Mexico. She practices a bizarre mix of Mary worship and Santeria. Her English isn't that good, but I'm sure she'll understand "Jesus is Lord!" and "The KJV1611 is the True Word of God". She's 28, stands 5'10, weighs 130 lbs. Say Hello to Maria Belen!

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: Engagement announcement: Ofc. Richards and VickyOS

Well that would be the cat's pajamas if we could fly in Pastor Deacon Fred's personal jet! I've contacted some of my missionaries and associates around the world, and I've found more women that are eager to join us for the bachelor party and the wedding!

Reverend,
I'm sorry if you misunderstood, I was saying that all of the planes except Pastor Deacon Fred's would be available with Pastoral approval.

And his personal jet would not be the best choice for more than three or four people. It is laid out more like and office/hotel room. He needs the space for the work he does while we are in the air.

Truth be told, I'm actually locked in the cockpit from the cabin side once we are airborne. Pastor Fred likes his privacy while he witnesses to the young people that usually travel with him. But I do here the words glory, praise, and God quite loud sometimes. He is quite enthusiastic when he is witnessing!

[Father Maurice Lester]

Re: Engagement announcement: Ofc. Richards and VickyOS

Now our last little lady that I've contacted comes from just south of the border from Ciudad Juarez, Mexico. She practices a bizarre mix of Mary worship and Santeria. Her English isn't that good, but I'm sure she'll understand "Jesus is Lord!" and "The KJV1611 is the True Word of God". She's 28, stands 5'10, weighs 130 lbs. Say Hello to Maria Belen!

This one's name is Mario, not Maria.

He used to work in London, in a club in old Soho...

Liked to drink Champagne and had a dark brown voice.

Reminds me of a song from West Side Story.


"Maria, I just met a boy named Maria..."


Bring those other girls to Roma and let some real salvation come their way.

What are they going to do in Freehold? The town is so small there is only one set of fake breasts! (Sorry BT)

For two thousand years we have set an example in Rome of how to convert the sullied women of the world... don't you think they would all look pretty good in Togas or Catholic school-girl uniforms?


Bless you, my Teflon trouser tramp,
Father Mo



.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Engagement announcement: Ofc. Richards and VickyOS

This one's name is Mario, not Maria.

He used to work in London, in a club in old Soho...

Liked to drink Champagne and had a dark brown voice.

Reminds me of a song from West Side Story.


"Maria, I just met a boy named Maria..."


Bring those other girls to Roma and let some real salvation come their way.

What are they going to do in Freehold? The town is so small there is only one set of fake breasts! (Sorry BT)

For two thousand years we have set an example in Rome of how to convert the sullied women of the world... don't you think they would all look pretty good in Togas or Catholic school-girl uniforms?


Bless you, my Teflon trouser tramp,
Father Mo



.

Why are you in here cluttering up a thread that is supposed to be a celebration of the engagement of this wonderful couple of lovebirds? Must you sully everything good and pure with your papist filth? Have you no sense of shame, you ring-kissing demon?

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: Officer Richards Bachelor Party

Now, now Father Mo. Let's not get bitter! I didn't forget about you, how could I? I realize these women truly need to be saved by the genuine and written Word of God, the English King James Bible from 1611. If I didn't give a hoot about their spiritual welfare, I would've tossed them to your Mary-worshipping self. Now, I understand we have our religious differences, my Papist friend, so in the spirit of compromise, I have decided to fly in some....other individuals, specifically and personally just for you, Father Mo.


This is David. He's 16, 6'0, 170 lbs, from Brisbane, Australia. Raised in an Anglican home, he has expressed interest in converting to Catholicism.




From behind the former Iron Curtain, comes best friends Vasily Niedov and Ivan Pushkin. Vasily is 15, Ivan is 17. They were raised Russian Orthodox, but as we all know, those Orthodox churchs were a heretical split from the middle ages, right?




Last, we have 15 year old Olaf, from that Godless Lutheran country of Norway. He's 6'1, 160 lbs.




Now, my dear Father Mo, please remember I am paying for these young unsaved boys to be flown out to Freehold for the Bachelor Party and Wedding at my expense. It is my gift to you. Personally, I'd rather see them become True Christians™ who accept the KJV 1611, but I will concede and let you and your Romanist pals take care of their souls.

No doubt you can spend hours in the confession booth with these boys, as they open up to you about all their sins. Their mouths will be sore after they confess all the sins they have done! And for penance, you can give them some Rosary Beads to play pray with.

[eliot mayfield]

Re: Officer Richards Bachelor Party

I'm free from June 29. If you're going to be in Europe pick me up. I'll have two barrels of liquid refreshment.

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: Officer Richards Bachelor Party

I'm still waiting on the Pastoral approval. But if I get it, I'll save a seat for you Eliot. I wonder if Brother Wide will be able to make it?

And I need to let the Reverend know that all the girls that need saving need to be European. I did here from Pastor Zeke that no trips to Mexico or Brazil to pick up unsaved women will be approved.

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: Officer Richards Bachelor Party

I'm free from June 29. If you're going to be in Europe pick me up. I'll have two barrels of liquid refreshment.

You're in the Czech Republic, right? I heard that Czech pilsner ginger ale really goes down smooth! Bring a couple kegs of that ginger ale!

And I need to let the Reverend know that all the girls that need saving need to be European. I did here from Pastor Zeke that no trips to Mexico or Brazil to pick up unsaved women will be approved.

That's actually good judgement. God knows we can pick up the Swine Flu or some other tropical disease from those dirty women! I've went ahead and contacted more of my missionaries in Europe, so we can swing the AirJesus over to Europe, pick up the unsaved broads, Eliot, Wide-Open, all in one fell swoop. Here's more ladies ripe for conversion...

This is Ingrid, from Stockholm, Sweden. Six feet of Succulent Scandinavian Splendor! Raised Lutheran, now an atheist. I dare any man to take her on and convert her to the True Word of Jesus Christ!




Here we have Marcella, from Florence, Italy. She enjoys going to the beach and working out. She's a Papist who attends mass once a month, and she's a bit older, but it's never too late to save a soul, am I right gentlemen?




Now we come to Cristina, from Barcelona, Spain. Another innocent young lady brainwashed by the Mary-worshipping Papist cult. She plays the flute very well and is skilled in oral public speaking. She works as a dental hygienist.

[SUV]

Re: Officer Richards Bachelor Party

Leave it to Daddy Mole to ruin this otherwise heartwarming thread about the Love between a Man and a woman!!!

[Miss April]

Re: Officer Richards Bachelor Party

Leave it to Daddy Mole to ruin this otherwise heartwarming thread about the Love between a Man and a woman!!!

I know Sister SUV he Always ruins good things with his Lies