[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: WIVES TAKE NOTE: A proper day's cooking!

Nothing like a good plate of poutin to warm your body and give you some extra energy to make it thru the cold months:

Poutine

French fries topped with cheese curds, egg, bacon and covered in brown gravy.

Brother, you just made me gag up my Centrum Silver chewable. Never post things like this without an appropriate warning lest you make my arteries turn to stone in an instant. I'm pretty sure no one could actually eat that without keeling over dead.

[Nurse Clampett]

Re: WIVES TAKE NOTE: A proper day's cooking!

Brother Nobar, I am truly praying for the state of your arteries.

[Nurse Clampett]

Re: WIVES TAKE NOTE: A proper day's cooking!

After viewing those pictures I still feeel you need Divine intervention. I'm going to my prayer closet now...

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: WIVES TAKE NOTE: A proper day's cooking!

Covered in real butter with Blueberry syrup, they're fine with me! And a wee bit of powdered sugar on top!

DO NOT egg those two homers on! I do not want to see chocolate covered bacon. I do not want to hear about popcorn or pancakes cooked in bacon fat. I'm about to gag.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: WIVES TAKE NOTE: A proper day's cooking!

DO NOT egg those two homers on! I do not want to see chocolate covered bacon. I do not want to hear about popcorn or pancakes cooked in bacon fat. I'm about to gag.

Now, now Pastor Pistle, there's no need to put on an act in front of us. It's obvious to any True Christian(tm) with eyes that you are pining for the late Mrs. Pistle's home cooking, God rest her soul.

I recall how she used to make a wicked plate of deep-fried peanut butter, bacon and banana sandwiches for your lunch every day!

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: WIVES TAKE NOTE: A proper day's cooking!

Baconnaise is so good it was featured on the Daily Show to high acclaim:

http://www.briansbelly.com/news-blog/move-over-mayo-baconnaise-is-here-to-stays/

John Stewart also liked the pancake-on-a-stick.

I am probably going to have to kill you eventually.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: WIVES TAKE NOTE: A proper day's cooking!

In the Roberts household we don't consider it a proper meal unless it contains at least:
20,000 calories
10,000 mg sodium
300 grams fat, most of which are the good saturated type.

Furthermore, if it can't be hunted with a handgun, rifle or machine gun, it ain't food.
Vegetables are allowed as long as they total less than 1% of the entire meal. Heathen foods such as tofu and seaweed are not permitted.

Home made spirits are permitted only for adults over the age of 11.

Jesus told Mr. Roberts that this is the only acceptable diet for True Christians.

I am sure you mean 'shotgun' instead of 'machine gun'. Women have no idea about these things. That is fine meal planning for the corn belt but out here in the middle of the Pacific we have to survive any way we can. Green sea turtles are meaty and good but you have to cook them and make sure the Fish and Game guy doesn't catch you. Fish are easier; just catch 'em, fillet and eat with soy sauce and lemon. No cooking required. We are lucky that there are feral game birds and animals here and plenty of chickens and cattle. I don't eat much horse, dog or cat, but the Filipinos eat all that stuff and you can be guaranteed a taste sensation at a Flipper wedding. I never go because they are all cat lickers and part of my official duty is to shiv all the priests I see....so after three weddings and three priests I don't get many invites.

Flippers are ingenious though. They build metal trailers with about twenty skewers across them hooked together with bicycle chain. Then they catch a couple hundred chickens from the dump and skewer them, pour the bottom full of dry wood and gasoline and light it off. They even have electric motors to turn the chickens so they are evenly burned to a crisp.

Whenever I have guests (read 'moochers') I pay seven bucks for a scrawny junkyard chicken carcass which tastes of burnt feathers and gasoline and feed it to them. If they had tithed more they might have got something better.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: WIVES TAKE NOTE: A proper day's cooking!

Pastor, I don't know how to break this to you, but in my most recent missionary trip to the Orient I discovered a dark ugly secret.

You know that "soy sauce" that you like so well? It's made over in one of the slant countries.....It turns out that the Jap word for soy sauce is "show-you" which translates as.....BUG JUICE!!

That's how they make it. With giant bug presses...

[Mrs. Robert Roberts]

Re: WIVES TAKE NOTE: A proper day's cooking!

I am sure you mean 'shotgun' instead of 'machine gun'. Women have no idea about these things. That is fine meal planning for the corn belt but out here in the middle of the Pacific we have to survive any way we can. Green sea turtles are meaty and good but you have to cook them and make sure the Fish and Game guy doesn't catch you. Fish are easier; just catch 'em, fillet and eat with soy sauce and lemon. No cooking required. We are lucky that there are feral game birds and animals here and plenty of chickens and cattle. I don't eat much horse, dog or cat, but the Filipinos eat all that stuff and you can be guaranteed a taste sensation at a Flipper wedding. I never go because they are all cat lickers and part of my official duty is to shiv all the priests I see....so after three weddings and three priests I don't get many invites.

Flippers are ingenious though. They build metal trailers with about twenty skewers across them hooked together with bicycle chain. Then they catch a couple hundred chickens from the dump and skewer them, pour the bottom full of dry wood and gasoline and light it off. They even have electric motors to turn the chickens so they are evenly burned to a crisp.

Whenever I have guests (read 'moochers') I pay seven bucks for a scrawny junkyard chicken carcass which tastes of burnt feathers and gasoline and feed it to them. If they had tithed more they might have got something better.

I didn't realize that you did not live in America. Are you a missionary?
Middle of the Pacific? Guam? It must be difficult being so far away from God's favorite country. I'm sure you have to fight off the heathens routinely.
I'm going to send you out a weekly shipment of good ole American food. Too much fish can lead to demonic possession. OK? Do you like your racoon crispy fried? I'll send a freshly baked pie out as well.
You are right about me not knowing that much about guns. That's a man's job. But we do in fact have many machine guns. Mr. Roberts says that it's necessary in case of an insurrection of the many coloreds that live nearby.
Mrs. Robert Roberts

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: WIVES TAKE NOTE: A proper day's cooking!

Pastor, I don't know how to break this to you, but in my most recent missionary trip to the Orient I discovered a dark ugly secret.

Uuughh!

Thank goodness I have always avoided this condiment, because I knew that, obviously, soy sauce contains soy.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: WIVES TAKE NOTE: A proper day's cooking!

Pastor, I don't know how to break this to you, but in my most recent missionary trip to the Orient I discovered a dark ugly secret.

You know that "soy sauce" that you like so well? It's made over in one of the slant countries.....It turns out that the Jap word for soy sauce is "show-you" which translates as.....BUG JUICE!!

That's how they make it. With giant bug presses...

GAHHHHHHHHHHH! It's my own fault I suppose. When I grew up everything was made in America and of course we didn't have that sort of stuff in stores. I just expect that if the label is written in English it's made in the good old USA of pure, wholesome ingredients.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: WIVES TAKE NOTE: A proper day's cooking!

I didn't realize that you did not live in America. Are you a missionary?
Middle of the Pacific? Guam? It must be difficult being so far away from God's favorite country. I'm sure you have to fight off the heathens routinely.
I'm going to send you out a weekly shipment of good ole American food. Too much fish can lead to demonic possession. OK? Do you like your racoon crispy fried? I'll send a freshly baked pie out as well.
You are right about me not knowing that much about guns. That's a man's job. But we do in fact have many machine guns. Mr. Roberts says that it's necessary in case of an insurrection of the many coloreds that live nearby.
Mrs. Robert Roberts

No, I served in Guam for a year, but the people are mostly Filipinos and catlicks so it's like living in Tiajuana. I live in the MIDDLE of the Pacific. The most remote island chain in the world. Hawaii. I appreciate the thought Sister, but I don't eat raccoon. They taste too much like rat. Once in awhile you can catch a fresh young beaver, but at my age I would rather just buy them than go to the trouble.

I'm not saying you shouldn't have several machine guns around the house. I'm just saying you can ruin a perfectly good food item by blowing it into particles. I'll take the pie and thanks! I like blueberry, apple, and especially pecan if you have a pecan tree. Sister SUV is always sending me her raspberries and one wonders where she finds so many.

No rhubarb, please!

YIC
Pastor Al