[Good Christian Woman]

Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian(tm) households!

My husband doesn't allow me to buy anything chocolate flavored, as it may encourage the Negro death-style. We only buy Godly vanilla.

[raydanic]

Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian(tm) households!

I'll have added on my list.

[Master Gordon]

Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households!

My darling wife Sarah says that watermelons may cause a woman to want to masturbate, should watermelon be on the banned list as well?

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households!

Sriracha [sic] sauce.

One: You can tell by the name that it's an attempt to turn Americans into Mexicans.

Two: If God wanted people to burn their mouths when eating (and other end when... you know...), He wouldn't have invented potatoes and mayonnaise.

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households!

Sriracha [sic] sauce.

One: You can tell by the name that it's an attempt to turn Americans into Mexicans.

Two: If God wanted people to burn their mouths when eating (and other end when... you know...), He wouldn't have invented potatoes and mayonnaise.

Thank you! I think pinto, refried, and black beans ought to be on the list for the same reason.
And basil. Can't stand that throwback to the Italian mob.
And probiotics. Ridiculous little germs they call food.

[Esther B.]

Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households!

Mushrooms. My father says that hippies use them to get high like they do with marijuana. Some of them are also poisonous.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households!

Do we need to add quinoa to the list, on the grounds of Hippiedom/Mexicanity, or is it safe to assume that nobody would buy a product they can't pronounce?

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households!

Do we need to add quinoa to the list, on the grounds of Hippiedom/Mexicanity, or is it safe to assume that nobody would buy a product they can't pronounce?

I would say definitely - anything that even looks like couscous needs to go, especially if it's "gluten free".

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households!

I would say definitely - anything that even looks like couscous needs to go, especially if it's "gluten free".

Thank you, Brother, for reminding me to mention cauliflower rice.




This unGodly brassica/oryza hybrid not only resembles couscous, it is also very clearly in contravention of Leviticus 19:19.

I don't know whether it's "gluten free", because who even knows or cares what "gluten" is? There are no special-snowflake so-called allergies in the Lytton-Vasey household. My children eat what they're given and give thanks to God for it.

[handmaiden]

Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households!

What of deviled eggs and devil's food cake?

Praise Jesus, have I asked about this before?


Oh, pineapple upside down cake? I can think of different problems with that.


I imagine that cheese danish would be a problem, also.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households!

I didn't know the cheese danish thing even existed, Sister. It's not "a thing" (as the youngsters say) in my country. It sounds back-to-front to me - a Danish cheese I could understand. Is it some sort of cheese-based meatball?

[handmaiden]

Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households!

I didn't know the cheese danish thing even existed, Sister. It's not "a thing" (as the youngsters say) in my country. It sounds back-to-front to me - a Danish cheese I could understand. Is it some sort of cheese-based meatball?

I think it's a pastry with a cream cheese filling.


Also, did the Demarkians actually invent pastry? That seems unlikely. Surely people put together flour and honey back in Bible Days. Why do we let these people get away with claiming pastry for themselves?


Also, can someone get back to me about the deviled egg thing? I'm getting hungry and I have a lot of paprika in my spice cupboard.

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households!

Thank you, Brother, for reminding me to mention cauliflower rice.

. . .

This unGodly brassica/oryza hybrid not only resembles couscous, it is also very clearly in contravention of Leviticus 19:19.

I don't know whether it's "gluten free", because who even knows or cares what "gluten" is? There are no special-snowflake so-called allergies in the Lytton-Vasey household. My children eat what they're given and give thanks to God for it.

That's some truly revolting stuff there Sister. It reminds me of those old Sally Struthers starving children's fund appeals from years ago - definitely third world "cuisine" from Africa, Kim Jong Un's North Korean prison camps, or Michelle Obama's school lunch program.

Christians shouldn't be mislead by this "Cruciferous" nonsense - it has absolutely nothing to do with Jesus. If I had my guess it's some new scheme coming from the Vatican.

[Thomas Taylor]

Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households!

I have outlawed pineapple rings within the confines of my household. I believe it is what turned my son into a girl.

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households!

I have outlawed pineapple rings within the confines of my household. I believe it is what turned my son into a girl.

You bring up an interesting point Brother Taylor. I don't remember the exact year, but there was a California pizza restaurant chain that started putting pineapple rings on pizzas (a disgusting thought) - which no doubt was instrumental in turning millions of virile men into homers.

Pineapples also are a feature of one other vile thing that needs to be banned - Polynesian "Tiki" culture. With its kitschy décor, offensive false gods carved from coconut trees, insufferable Hawaiian music, hula dancers, and luaus, it's one place Christians don't want to be caught anywhere near.

It's rumored that Linda Blair had to down some of that Hawaiian poi to do that projectile puking scene in "The Exorcist". Then there's the mediocre samplings of sticky sauced pu pu platters, pressed duck, sweet and sour pork, rumaki and egg rolls - and with bamboo everywhere you're never quite sure what you are eating.

There is no doubt that many a virtuous Christian woman has been compromised by consuming their sweetened rum laden drinks like Mai Tais, Singapore Slings, and Zombies.