[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Public Notice: Paint Swatch Inspection

I have to admit this week has been a little frustrating. The phone keeps ringing.

Some callers agree with me about the house color regulations, but don't want to truck done to City Hall to show me what they have in mind. Can you imagine this? They want to describe the color they have chosen to me on the phone.

Another group, and this caught me completely by surprise, want to mix a little lavender into some other color. "I don't want my white to be exactly like my neighbor's white," one woman told me.

As we all work our way through this, I hope we can agree on one fact: Lavender is Satan's favorite color.

[Nobar King]

Re: Public Notice: Paint Swatch Inspection

I'm so envious of your Godly lifestyles. Here in England, there are entire towns just filled with socialist-built council estates.

That's helpful to know which houses to avoid or where to buy your reefer.

[handmaiden]

Re: Public Notice: Paint Swatch Inspection

What jumps out at me about that house are the little areas painted pink. It seems like pink should be banned in Freehold except in cases where the house is occupied by a single woman.

Pink and lavender seem like prohibited colors for houses where a male is present.

I'm really glad that you posted this because I have to admit, I love pretty colors. But it's okay, right? 'Cause I'm a girl.


Oh, and I would like to point out that the first recorded rainbow was in the Bible. When God set His bow in the sky to show He wouldn't be working with wtaer the next time He destroys the world.

It makes me sad that I can't indulge my love of rainbow shades without unintentionally giving support to the you-know-whats. If I could, I would paint my house in a mix of colors, but I would use polka dots instead of blocks.

Colorfully Yours,
Handmaiden

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Public Notice: Paint Swatch Inspection

I'm really glad that you posted this because I have to admit, I love pretty colors. But it's okay, right? 'Cause I'm a girl.


Oh, and I would like to point out that the first recorded rainbow was in the Bible. When God set His bow in the sky to show He wouldn't be working with wtaer the next time He destroys the world.

It makes me sad that I can't indulge my love of rainbow shades without unintentionally giving support to the you-know-whats. If I could, I would paint my house in a mix of colors, but I would use polka dots instead of blocks.

Colorfully Yours,
Handmaiden

Thanks for your thoughtful concerns, Handy. When I review these swatch samples, I'm really trying to cut people as much slack as possible--especially for unfortunate single women like yourself.

That's why I like to have personal visits with folks. It helps understand the individual circumstances. People like yourself who like colors, that should be OK. Polka dots might be fine.

To be perfectly candid, what I'm looking for are political alliances of single women with homers. For example, I don't want an innocent sounding single women to say, "I like colors, so I'm want to paint rainbow stripes on my home." Bingo! I have uncovered a scheme to paint Satan's rainbow flag on a house in Freehold.

I think you would agree we just cannot have that.

[HTannor]

Re: Public Notice: Paint Swatch Inspection

To be perfectly candid, what I'm looking for are political alliances of single women with homers. For example, I don't want an innocent sounding single women to say, "I like colors, so I'm want to paint rainbow stripes on my home." Bingo! I have uncovered a scheme to paint Satan's rainbow flag on a house in Freehold.

Very clever of you, Mr. Mayor.

I might suggest that you take some backup with you on those trips. Here, I'm thinking Officer Don.

I'm told those bull dykes can get quite visious when they're cornered and Officer Don is always well armed. A Glock 40 has pretty decent stopping power.

[handmaiden]

Re: Public Notice: Paint Swatch Inspection

I don't want an innocent sounding single women to say, "I like colors, so I'm want to paint rainbow stripes on my home." Bingo! I have uncovered a scheme to paint Satan's rainbow flag on a house in Freehold.

I think you would agree we just cannot have that.

But tha troubling thing, as I pointed out, is that the rainbow was God's sign to the earth.

Genesis 9:13 I do set my bow in the cloud, and it shall be for a token of a covenant bwteen me and the earth.

It just seems so unfair. Rainbows are God's creation and a special sign from Him. Why did the Gays have to take my pretty rainbow stripes from me?

Shouldn't we try to reclaim the rainbow symbology, just as the KKK tries to reclaim the fiery cross as the symbol that one is approaching lands headed by Christian households?

(This was done on Scotland and other reaches of Northern Europe to reassure travelers that they were not sailing into pagan lands.)


Woefully Yours,

Handmaiden

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Public Notice: Paint Swatch Inspection

But tha troubling thing, as I pointed out, is that the rainbow was God's sign to the earth.

Genesis 9:13 I do set my bow in the cloud, and it shall be for a token of a covenant bwteen me and the earth.

It just seems so unfair. Rainbows are God's creation and a special sign from Him. Why did the Gays have to take my pretty rainbow stripes from me?

Shouldn't we try to reclaim the rainbow symbology, just as the KKK tries to reclaim the fiery cross as the symbol that one is approaching lands headed by Christian households?

(This was done on Scotland and other reaches of Northern Europe to reassure travelers that they were not sailing into pagan lands.)

You make a profound point, Handmaiden, that the rainbow is a creation of God. And, you correctly point out that the wily Satan has stolen it for his own devious ends--the flag of homerism.

Thus, we are on the horn of a dilemma. Should we use the rainbow colors, including the homer color of lavender, and promote homerism, or, deprive ourselves of using these beautiful colors and rest in the knowledge that we are not promoting a sexual practice condemed by Jesus?

I believe the dilemma was resolved in my original public proclamation. It does not offically ban any color. It merely requires approval by myself of any proposed colors. I believe this would allow some colors included in the rainbow on houses, but probably not lavender or colors that are similar to lavender.

I hope this addresses your concerns.

[F. Nietzsche]

Re: Public Notice: Paint Swatch Inspection

Why not go for no paint at all?

My cousin is an excellent architect, and most of his designs are wonderful and require no paint at all, while remaining very distinctive. I'm certain he would like referrals for interested clients.



Lovely, no?

[BelieverInGod]

Re: Public Notice: Paint Swatch Inspection

Why not go for no paint at all?

My cousin is an excellent architect, and most of his designs are wonderful and require no paint at all, while remaining very distinctive. I'm certain he would like referrals for interested clients.



Lovely, no?

So you want us to ban house paint and make everyone who has a painted house tear theirs down and put up one of your cousins? I don't think so. I mean the only parts on my house that are painted are the trim, but I would never demand anyone else do the same.

Anyway, that looks like some sort of hippie commune or something.

[handmaiden]

Re: Public Notice: Paint Swatch Inspection

Why not go for no paint at all?

My cousin is an excellent architect, and most of his designs are wonderful and require no paint at all, while remaining very distinctive. I'm certain he would like referrals for interested clients.



Lovely, no?

NO!

It looks like a blander version of a Barbie house. Open on one side so the dolls can be trotted around. It is suspiciously euro-looking. Not a proper house for decent Americans at all.

Disriminatingly Yours,

Handmaiden

[Lisa H]

Re: Public Notice: Paint Swatch Inspection

Why not go for no paint at all?

My cousin is an excellent architect, and most of his designs are wonderful and require no paint at all, while remaining very distinctive. I'm certain he would like referrals for interested clients.



Lovely, no?

Looks a house that perverts will hang around to watch what people are doing or getting dressed.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Public Notice: Paint Swatch Inspection

Why not go for no paint at all?

My cousin is an excellent architect, and most of his designs are wonderful and require no paint at all, while remaining very distinctive. I'm certain he would like referrals for interested clients.



Lovely, no?

I appreciate the suggestion, F. I learned from another Christian Mayor who is struggling with the same issue that homers tend to put BIG lavender triangles in the glass windows.

Now, vandals have come along and spray painted over the triangles with white cans of hardware store paint. This solves one problem but, of course, creates a law enforcement issue.

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: Public Notice: Paint Swatch Inspection

I believe it would benefit the town to have a complete Color Registry, listing the colors used in both the interiors and exteriors of all Landover properties.




The "red flag" colors include:

• Champagne
• _ (fill in the blank) Mist
• Flame
• Tahitian Sunrise (or anything, really)
• Paints with flower names (Bluebell, Orchid, Rose, Lily White, etc.)

This information would not only be invaluable to the church, but would also help new owners, considering buying a property.

They have a RIGHT to know what's happened there.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Public Notice: Paint Swatch Inspection

I believe it would benefit the town to have a complete Color Registry, listing the colors used in both the interiors and exteriors of all Landover properties.






The "red flag" colors include:

• Champagne
• _ (fill in the blank) Mist
• Flame
• Tahitian Sunrise (or anything, really)
• Paints with flower names (Bluebell, Orchid, Rose, Lily White, etc.)

This information would not only be invaluable to the church, but would also help new owners, considering buying a property.

They have a RIGHT to know what's happened there.

Wise suggestion, indeed, Mistress Cookie. Perhaps we could assemble a panel of Pastors to provide samples of these colors.

Following that, we could put a chart in the glass display case outside my office with actual colors displayed. The colors, and various shades of colors, that are approved could have little crosses embedded in them, signaling approval. Colors that are homer would have an X. That way people would know if they had an approved color without waiting to get in to see me. The wait has frustrated some folks so I have heard.

[Timofey]

Re: Public Notice: Paint Swatch Inspection

That way people would know if they had an approved color without waiting to get in to see me.

Mayor,

Approved colors could also be a small but lucrative income stream for the City as I am sure there will be fines for putting up unapproved colors.

Just a thought.

YIC Timofey